What your husband won’t tell you

Ever have a conversation with your husband like any of these, “So honey, how do you feel about this?” or “What are you thinking?” Is the response usually like, “I don’t know.” What will your husband not tell you? Why are the differences between men and women difficult?

I (Michael) being a man (felt like I should clarify this), want to share something extremely important with all the women reading this article today. Just because a man answers, “I don’t know”, doesn’t make him relationally challenged. Men speak a different language that has been demeaned, belittled, and just plain assaulted over the past 10,000 years (give or take a few thousand years).

It is well assumed that women are better relationally than men, but I believe it is time to start saying that women are different relationally than men. It’s not that men are poor relationally, we’re just different, special, if you will.

Ultimately, what you need to understand is that men want the same thing as women, a loving and satisfying relationship with the people closest to them. The reason the majority of men give the typical response of, “I don’t know”, is that we are intimidated. Our way, the guys way, of relating has been so criticized that we have lost our confidence to relate to women.
What your husband won’t tell you as that, “I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong and get blasted for it.” That’s it! Most men fear failure, and when it comes to loving like a woman, we feel like failures. So we end up avoiding it at all cost, many times, at the cost of our marriage.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. In our book, The Men’s Relational Toolbox, we Smalley guys give practical ways that men are positive relationally and practical relational “tools” that guys can add to their relational toolbox.

What this article is about, however, is women understanding men’s insecurity when it comes to loving like a woman. Maybe it is time to start honoring the way men handle relationships (time spent together, playing, serving, etc.) and allow men to be men.

So grab your husband, boyfriend, or son today and let him know how much you appreciate him. A little positive reinforcement will go farther than a critical spirit.