I got dumped at the restaurant, and liked it!

Alright, I’ll admit it, for at least 32 minutes I did not like it at all! Amy and I had talked on our cell phones and decided to eat at our favorite local restaurant, Jaspers. It’s an unbelievably incredible restaurant, as you can tell by the decor in the picture above. I was actually seated at the tables you can see on the left of the picture.

I waited 30 minutes for Amy to arrive. Thirty minutes of embarrassing looks and a sweet waiter who would gently ask me every 10 minutes if I wanted to go ahead and order something, just in case my imaginary wife wasn’t going to show this afternoon. Thirty minutes of trying to get Amy on her cell phone, which traveling through the gates of Hell would be easier than reaching my wife on her cell phone Thirty minutes of obsessing on where Amy might be, or not be, or in a crash, or with some Latin lover.

To say the least, I was upset, frustrated, and a tad on the furious side. After 30 minutes I decided to get up and leave to identify my wife in the local morgue, because surely she wouldn’t just ditch me at a restaurant. Then the call came, my cell phone rang and I could see her caller ID on my screen. I answered the phone and asked her simply, “Where are you?” Which she replied, “I’m so sorry.” Which I replied, “That isn’t what I asked! Whereeeeee arrrrrrrrrrrrre youuuuuuuuuuuuuu?!” Which she replied, “I’m just leaving the house.”

To say the least, that was very confusing. I thought she had been in her car driving to meet me at Jaspers, and come to find out she went home and decided to shower before coming to Jaspers! A slight miscommunication on our part. However, Amy was very apologetic, which only helped her case, and so I decided that I needed to hang up and cool off before we could figure out somewhere else to eat.

Then it hit me, what an opportunity to love my wife no matter what happens. I called her back on the cell phone and said (I swear this is what I said), “You know what, if Christ could die for me on a cross, this is not a big deal. Let’s meet at TGIF.” It’s cool how Christ’s example can impact our lives when we take the time to think about it.

By the way, we had a lovely lunch, and my attitude with my wife got me out of trouble over something I forgot to do for her. What goes around comes around

Peace,
Michael

A most depressing place

Could there be a more depressing place than the waiting area of a local car dealer repair shop? Especially when the tv is down for repairs! Probably not the best sign for the ole minivan

Fasting and prayer retreat

I wasn’t sure that I wanted to share with everyone what I was going to be doing this weekend, but I’ve thought it over, and decided to share. I’m going on a prayer and fasting retreat in a remote part of Texas for three days. All I’m bringing is my bible, one book, and a lot of water!

I’m a little, ok, a lot, nervous about going on this retreat. I’m doing it alone and will have three days of pure fasting and praying; which is a good thing, but a scary thing at the same time. I hope anyone reading this can say a prayer for me so that the time is productive and inspiring.

There are things in our life that only God can take care of. I’m learning that the wounds created by this world are simply an opportunity for God to shed His light on our lives. There are issues we look at as evil or sinful, but, maybe it’s time we start looking at them for what they truly are, windows to our soul that only God can enter.

I’ll let you know how the retreat goes, so until then, peace be with you.

Michael

The one question that can change everything

“What do you need…right now…to feel loved…to know you’re number one…?”

Ezra 7:28 (Those who honor God will be honored; the same is true with earthly relationships)
“And praise him for demonstrating such unfailing love to me by honoring me before the king, his council, and all his mighty princes! I felt encouraged because the gracious hand of the LORD my God was on me. And I gathered some of the leaders of Israel to return with me to Jerusalem.”

Romans 12:10 (Giving honor is better than receiving honor)
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

When you learn to ask this kind of question, the focus of your relationship goes from problem focused to solution focused or a positive focus.

When you ask the question, you had better make sure you LISTEN

L ook your mate in the eyes
I nquire for clarity
S earch for the meaning
Mark 4:12
‘They see what I do, but they don’t perceive its meaning. They hear my words, but they don’t understand. So they will
not turn from their sins and be forgiven.”’
T alk in aggreement
E ngage in solutions
N ever critisize

You can not listen if you are not humble. Proud is loud!

1 Kings 19:12-13 (If we are proud we are loud and we can’t hear the gentle whisper of God, like Elijah)
“And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.”

In Middle Eastern countries, it was the slaves who washed the feet of guests; here Christ took the place of a slave. He makes this clear to His disciples: if their Lord and Teacher has washed their feet, then they should wash one another’s feet, that is, serve each other in humility. This must have been a striking rebuke to the Twelve, for just that evening they had been debating who was to be the greatest!

Luke 22:24–26
“And they began to argue among themselves as to who would be the greatest in the coming Kingdom. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men order their people around, and yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.”

Listening allows us to learn from our spouse. Talking too much can indicate that our ideas are better than our spouse’s.

James 1:19-20
“My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight.”

When we truly LISTEN, it is always followed by action.

A new way to blog

Now I can send notes from my mobile phone to my blog. This could be a blessing or a curse, you’ll have to decide

Peace,
Michael

What do you do when your mate won’t change?

Many times in my counseling sessions or live seminars I get the question, “What do I do when my spouse won’t change?” It’s a common question with an uncommon solution. Most people expend a lot of energy trying to get their mate to change. They might try yelling, shaming, withdrawing, or even quitting. They might even try healthier versions of the same solutions like communicating, sharing, or validating. The problem is that none of these methods will work. The reason is because we are powerless when it comes to changing our mate.

Powerless? Yes, powerless. The only way we can impact our mate’s life is if we give him or her up to God. I don’t want to hyper spiritualize this issue, but it’s the only way. Why does this work? God is the change agent. It’s God who inspires and provides us the strength to change. The more I try to change my mate, the worse the problem might get. I become a source of frustration instead of healing, of condemnation instead of encouragement. Besides, you probably have plenty of your own issues to work on instead of worrying about your mate’s.

How to have an affair

An affair is a fantasy to dissconnect from the realities, painful realities, of life. We want to ease the stress of our lives, so we look for love because love can be a powerful potion against hurt.

“In our society, love and marriage have become romantic ideals. Many people honestly believe that true love causes everything to fall into place and run smoothly. And when it doesn’t, they assume what they are experiencing isn’t true love, and they must search for it elsewhere – often through an affair.” Elissa Gough

There are four easy steps to take if you want to have an affair, and they are:

The first step…
It could never happen to me. Be cocky about your abilitiy to remain faithful.

The second step…
Start feeling bad for yourself, and be sure to share your deepest most intimate feelings with someone of the opposite sex.

The third step…
Schedule time to be alone with that person of the opposite sex, you know, the one you’ve been sharing your feelings with.

The fourth step…
Go ahead and justify your behavior, because you deserve better. Now you’re ready to have an affair.

Hopefully, by understanding the steps people take to get involved in an affair, you will learn what to avoid in your own marriage. If you are suffering from the incredibly hurtful effects of an affair, then take a look at what Dr. Harley says about recovering from an affair.

RECOVERY FROM AN AFFAIR

Dr. Willard F. Harley says that to recover from an affair, you need to set up the following rules:

The Rule of Protection: Avolid being the cause of your spouse’s unhappiness.
The Rule of Care: Meet your spouse’s mot important emotional needs.
The Rule of Time: Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.
The Rule of Honesty: Be totally open and honest with your spouse.