Where do you find God?

I am currently reading a wonderful little book, actually, more of a lecture series put into book form by Thomas Kelly titled “The Sanctuary of the Soul”. Today I learned something that might be common knowledge to all of you reading this blog, but it was new to me.

A fundamental question many people ask is, “Where can I find God?” Inevitably they go on a mission searching for God. They might look into religion. They might look into the Bible. They might look into sunsets, rainbows, or mountain tops. They might search within the sufferings of war or the services of saints.

I learned today that you do not have to travel very far to find God. He is always with you, inside you knocking, inside you urging you to find Him. Religion, the Bible, sunsets, rainbows, or mountain tops all reveal and point toward God; but they are not God. They most certainly reveal God to us, revealing God’s glory. Like Kelly said years ago:

“He is not in the Bible, as such. For the Bible, as such, is a book, and words; and what you want is not a book but a living God; not words, but the Word, the Living Word. It is not the words of a book, but the Living Word who animated and owned those writers who wrote the Bible, that we crave.” (The Sanctuary of the Soul, by Thomas Kelly)

God is already everywhere we are going to look. He is in the midst of the suffering before we ever arrive. In fact, we arrive because it is God within us urging us to go! The lesson I learned today was to listen. Be quiet and listen to that inner voice, that inner urging that prompts us in the direction of God’s will.

The art of love for women

Loving your wife is like owning a Ferrari F430 Spyder. This car is one of the most spectacular sports cars in the world. It’s fast. It’s beautiful. It’s expensive! Your wife might not be any of these things, except the beautiful part of course. But what it takes to own this Ferrari is uncommonly similar to what it takes to love your wife. Pay close attention to the five similarities I’ll outline below. . . .

1. The key of priority When you decide on the Ferrari, it’s all you think about. You dream about it at night. You dream about it during the day. You might even dream about it in your dreams. Your wife needs to be as important. Your wife needs to know that she is on your thoughts because she is the most important thing to you. If she needs you to change jobs because you are working more than 80 hours a week, don’t be afraid to make her your priority. When the day comes and you are nearing the end, I can promise you that you are not thinking about all the things you accomplished at work. You’ll be thinking about the people most important to you. What will you be thinking about? Regrets? Empty promises? Or how much you loved your wife and put her number one in your life?
2. The key of spending non sexual time together You don’t buy a Ferrari and keep it in the garage. You take it out and show it off to all your neighbors, business partners, and siblings (to make sure they are jealous). The same must be true for your wife. Make sure you spend time together that does not involve sex. She’s not a sex toy and you had better make sure she knows it by the time you spend together during the week. When is the last time you took your wife out on a date (If the kids were there, it doesn’t count)?
3. The key of protection You’d better make sure and get great insurance if you own such an expensive car. Your wife wants to know that she’s protected as well. Don’t be irresponsible with debt, create a savings account and ask your wife what she needs to feel safe financially. You also want to make sure she knows you will stand up for her against in-laws or unkind people. I know feminism has taken its toll on the male ego, but your wife wants to know that you are looking out for her best interests. This is not a free ticket to control your wife, it is actually exactly the opposite.
4. The key of shutting your mouth If the Ferrari breaks down, you’d listen to the experts. Your wife is an expert to her own relationship manual. If she is sharing feelings about something at work, home, or elsewhere, let her share. Do not offer solutions, that is not listening but rather lecturing. Be quiet and repeat back what you hear your wife sharing.
5. The key of servanthood You would take care of the Ferrari. The final key is laying down your life and being like Christ. Your marriage is not about what you can get, but rather what you can give. Look for opportunities to serve your wife in the house (chores), her personal goals (work), or personal growth (spiritual). When your wife knows that you are looking out for her best interests, she will want, in fact, desire to do the same for you with no strings attached.

To stay or not to stay in a dating relationship

Hi Mike & Amy,

I recently read your book, Don’t Date Naked, and it was really good. Anyways, recently I have entered into a relationship with a guy, and it’s going ok. We both are seeking God, and believe that He is leading us down a path towards marriage, and that is our long-term perspective. Neither of us want to waste our time in a relationship that isn’t headed down that path. (Mainly because of previous history)

However, both of us come from quite dysfunctional families and a fairly messy history, and are very much still in the process of healing and breakthrough.

We both tend to jump into things quickly, and then think about the consequences later, which in past history, has not turned out so well! We are aware that this relationship has the power to spur each other on for greater healing and draw us closer to God, or to tear each other down and drag us away from God.

So, should we stay “just friends” for now, or what?!

Thanks,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Thanks for your email and I appreciate your honesty and transparency. You are asking the right question, but I hate to tell you that there is very rarely an easy answer to great questions.

The most important thing is for you to get healthy and right with God. Sounds like you are working toward this and I want to encourage you to keep it going. Remember, what ever you are suffering before marriage, does not go away during marriage. I hope you are in counseling with a trusted Christian and learning how to overcome your family background.

Usually this is something that needs to be done when you are not in a relationship. I’m not saying to end the relationship, but be honest about your readiness to be in a significant relationship.

The love of a human can give us a glimpse of heaven and of God’s love, but it can not substitute for it.

Don’t let a dating relationship keep you from achieving the kind of spiritual and emotional healing you need. If it hurts your growth, get out immediately, if you can honestly say that it is helping, then stay with it. You might want to ask some trusted people if they think the relationship is helping or hurting you. It’s always wise to seek the counsel of others.

Peace be with you,
Michael Smalley

Which one is my kid?

What could be better than a lighted ground fountain of fun! Never be too busy to simply enjoy the finer things in life!

Do you have what it takes to truly succeed in life?

Phil Mickelson’s two-stroke victory at the Masters was impressive. It’s his third major in his last nine major starts, impressive. It’s his second major in a row, winning last year’s PGA Championship title, impressive. But none of this is as impressive as what I witnessed moments after his Masters victory.

Coming off the 18th green, Masters champion, his first audible words heard on television were to his middle child Sophia, and it went something like, “Heyyyy, what happened here…” while pointing to his daughter’s owie on her forehead. Wow, what perspective!

Talk about having your priorities straight. He could have said something like, “Did you see daddy win the tournament?” But he did not. Instead he chose to focus on what is truly important, family. What an accomplishment! It brought tears to my eyes watching Phil care for his three children and wife directly after his huge victory. It was almost like he would rather be spending time with them than gloating over his professional accomplishments.

When we make our family the priority in our life, it only makes everything else we do or succeed at more sweet. It’s more fulfilling. More enjoyable. More dramatic. More incredible. Too many people learn this lesson when it’s to late to change anything. Don’t be one of those people. Decide today to make your relationships the priority in your life. When you do, you will find that everything else in your life gets better. True success is a matter of the heart. How well do I love? How well do I repair? How well do I give grace? These are not simple instructions on vibrant relationships, these are successful instructions for anything you can ever do.

1 in 3 marriages struggle with a low sex drive!

Researchers estimate that 1 in 3 couples struggle with a low sex drive. This can be the number one problem for couples when it comes to sexual intimacy. I recently found some very helpful articles that address this issue and wanted to share them with you:

• Solutions for women with low sex drive (About.com)
• Solutions for males with low sex drive (About.com)
  • This one explains the reason
  • This one gives some solutions

Here’s a great quote by Michelle Weiner-Davis…
“Men, on the other hand, generally need to feel close to their partners physically before they invest a great deal of energy into their relationships. So she’s waiting for him to be more intimate emotionally and he’s waiting for her to be more tuned into him physically and the resentment that results in this waiting game is so huge, it’s beyond belief.”

The simple reality is that if you struggle with anything in your marriage, ignoring it doesn’t make the problem go away, but rather it makes the problem worse.

Great sexual intimacy DVD session and in-depth study guide. Includes special Adventurous couples guide (new ideas for the bedroom), secret his folder, and secret her folder! Click here to purchase your copy today (only $19.95).