New Site Design and Web Store Design

If you have not checked out our new redesigned website www.amyandmichael.org - shame on you I finally forked over the money to get someone who really knows how to build a great website. When you go there, you’ll need to check out all the great relationship stuff under the heading “Free Stuff”. You’ll find more articles, relationship tests, free conflict card download, and links to our free message board system where my wife and I will answer questions posted.

You’ll also want to check out our new online store redesign at www.thesmalleystore.com . We’ve improved our security, our check out process, and our look. Now it’s easy to find exactly what you’re looking for when it comes to improving your dating life, marriage, or parenting skills.

Isn’t murdering your children the definition of insanity?

What on earth has our legal system come to? I’m reading an article from USA Today this morning, and as you can see from the picture, jurors, lawyers, and judges actually debate whether or not someone is insane for murdering their children. Seems pretty obvious to me - what’s next - debating whether oxygen is helpful in sustaining life?

Michael
www.amyandmichael.org
www.thesmalleystore.com

Why I love Avril Lavigne

No body is perfect. The apostle Paul wrote how he was the “chief” of all sinners. So don’t be surprised when I shout from my blog that I love Avril Lavigne, and not in a creepy, old guy kind of way, but in a power to girls kind of way. I know Avril isn’t perfect; she’d probably be the first person to admit it. But her lyrics are so powerful. I recently made a special musical CD for a couple of my young female clients, and I included one of Avril’s songs titled, “Nobody’s Home”. Read these chorus lyrics:

She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
It’s where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Many of Avril’s songs talk about taking back the power in relationships for young girls. If you do a Google search and then look at the images of Avril, they are tough, much of that must be marketing, trying to establish Avril as different than many of the “Princess” pop artists. But I also believe Avril must be a tough chic. These lyrics come from her life, and she has found something in dealing with a girl’s pain.

I was listening to “Nobody’s Home” this morning driving into work and it got me thinking. How many young girls live the life of Avril’s chorus? If you are a young lady struggling with your identity, getting taken advantage of by idiot boys, or recovering from unthinkable things - take courage and be strong. You might feel as though there is no place to go. No place to find refuge, but you’re not the first to feel that way and sadly you won’t be the last.

But there is a place you can go and it’s not as impossible to get to as you might think. That place is your inner self, that part of you whispering at night saying, “You’re not alone, come to me. I can set you free. I can take all of this away.” Some of you might have gone through things so difficult that this inner voice seems almost silent, but it’s still there, beckoning you with a thought or a last second choice. Quiet yourself and listen. Do you hear it?

God is calling you and he wants to heal your brokenness inside. If you can’t hear him, let someone else in your life listen for you. Reach out to someone who can love you on earth the way Christ loves you in heaven. Those people exist; they are waiting for you to reach out, just like Christ is waiting. You might feel hopeless. You might feel that no one cares, but someone does. There is an answer to our pain, and it was answered through the pain of Christ on the cross.

What to do when you catch your child lying

I want to trust my kids, but sometimes things happen, like lying, that undermine my ability to trust them. I caught one of my kids this morning at our neighbor’s house surfing the Internet. I was supposed to pick this one up at 9:00 a.m. but instead go to the house at 8:00 a.m., catching him off guard. When I entered the house he literally leaped out from the office by the front door and looked as surprised as I was.

My heart was broken. I had made a very big deal about not getting on the Internet outside of our home, and he’d broken that rule, and he knew he was wrong. As we were driving to my in-laws house I was getting more upset the longer I lectured him. I was going into great detail on how he hurt me by sneaking around and doing something he knew he should not do. How my trust level with him was spiraling down and almost completely gone. The more I talked the more I got upset and hurt over the ordeal.

But then, all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit convicted me in a powerful and immediate way. I was informed to stop lecturing and start loving my son. I was feeling discouraged because it didn’t seem that he really cared that he got caught breaking a very important rule to me. He wasn’t repentant, but rather, he was simply giving me the “right” answers to my accusations.

Once I started sharing with my son how much I loved him, and that the only reason I was making a big deal out of this situation was that I care for him tremendously. I care about his character. I care about his integrity. Once I started sharing this information to my son, I actually broke down and started crying. It was only then that I saw in his eyes the validation of my hurt. He finally got it.

“Dad loves me and only wants the best for me.”

I pulled the car over on the side of the street and hugged my son. I could see his heart was broken because of the hurt he caused me. It was a powerful moment. He still got a consequence for disobeying, but I felt like he got the real message.

“I dishonored dad today, and I don’t like that feeling.”

Maybe instead of lecturing our kids when they make a mistake, we need to remind them how precious they are to us.

The root of evil

JAMES 3:16
“Where there is jealousy and selfishness, there is also disorder and every kind of evil.”

This verse couldn’t be truer, and I hate to admit it, but it’s what I struggle with the most in my own life. I wish I could blame this one on my parents, but I cannot. Even though I probably learned this from somewhere It is my choice to serve myself instead of the ones I love.

This weekend we are attending the wedding of my wife’s niece, Ashley, in beautiful San Antonio. I’ve not been the biggest supporter of the wedding. I wish it was because of Ashley, but it isn’t. I wish it was because of her fiancé, Brian, but it isn’t. Brian is incredibly loving and mature for a 21 year-old and I couldn’t be happier for Ashley and her future marriage.

I’ve been unhappy every since I had to get fitted for a tux! I hate to wear suits, tuxes, or any kind of clothing that restricts even the slightest of movements. So my attitude has been less than wonderful. And last night, it hit the fan.

My first mistake was not eating anything since breakfast and then attending a wedding that started at 5:00 p.m. in the evening. My second mistake was being selfish and inconsiderate of the wedding party, which I was a part of. My attitude was fairly good during the wedding, I got to usher in the guests as they arrived and then the official wedding party to their seats.

But it was after the wedding that I made my poor choice. My hunger had escalated, I was getting a headache, and I used every excuse in the book to get out of the reception. When I arrived to the Weston Centre in downtown San Antonio, I had made up my mind; I was leaving and couldn’t care what anyone else thought about it. So I left. What a poor choice.

Even upon arriving back to our hotel room with my two excuses, I mean, sons - I knew I had made a poor choice. When my wife returned back to the room, I definitely knew I had made a poor choice. Amy, especially in this kind of circumstance, usually has a hard time not escalating and getting really angry. So when she approached me about leaving and was not escalating, my poor choice became even more horrible.

I can apologize to Ashley, her mother, and her father for ditching out of the reception. But I can’t take it back. The only thing I can do, or anyone who has acted selfishly, is make a change for the future and earn back any trust lost from my, or our, actions.

One of my favorite professors from Wheaton College was Dr. Michael Mangis. He had a theory on sin, and he called it your “Signature Sin”. It’s your personal struggle, that one thing that keeps getting you in trouble throughout your lifetime. For example, one of my signature sins is selfishness. My wife does not struggle with this as much, hers might be escalation, and I don’t struggle with that one much at all.

We cannot get rid of the sin in our life, but we can learn to recognize it quicker and learn how to repair the hurt from our sins more effectively. Our goal isn’t to rid ourselves of sin, but rather repair the damage we create; at least until that wonderful day when all is restored and we get to live as God had first intended us to live.