Wild wedding idea from the Google co-founder

Google co-founder Sergey Brins got married recently, read the post to find out what was so whacky about it.

You can plan the wedding of YOUR dreams if you just have the guts

Children as heroes

Found this wonderful story about an 8-year old girl who jumped in front of a truck to save her toddler brother. She actually dashed in front of the truck, picked her baby brother up and then got hit by the truck! Police said that this act probably kept the boy from getting lodged underneath the truck - saving his life!

Thanks ParentDish for this story!

Is it OK to pray with my boyfriend?

The question:

Is it okay to pray together with your boyfriend? I have heard some say that praying together needs to be reserved for when you are married because it is so intimate. I don’t think I agree with that. I think everyone who is in a relationship should pray together. What do you think?

The answer:

I certainly do not struggle with a boyfriend and girlfriend praying together, however, what you’ve heard from other people about becoming more intimate with each other is true. If you are going to pray together, then you need to be aware of the unintended consequences of praying together. With intimacy comes a desire to grow even closer, and this usually means sexual activity. It might sound extreme, but it is a reality. I’ve counseled well intentioned Christians who struggled with sexual intimacy because of praying together.

Just don’t be naive and make sure you keep the relationship healthy and honoring God. I would never discourage a dating couple to pray together, it is important to be on the same page spiritually, and what better way to connect spiritually than praying together.

Important thoughts on the Ten Commandments

I’m learning the Ten Commandments again, and wanted to share with you my thoughts and understand of each one.

And God spoke all these words, saying: ‘I am the LORD your God…

ONE: ‘You shall have no other gods before Me.’ You are number one to me. I shall not worship anything higher than you, you are a jealous God and I know how you created us with a single focus to worship you. You will judge a father, mother and children up to four generations if they walk away from you and begin worshiping others gods than you. But you will bless a 1000 generations of a father and mother who lift you up in worship, honor and praise by hiding you within their hearts.

TWO: ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image–any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.’ I shall not worship anything but you. Not money, sports, fleshly stimulants, jobs, visions, dreams, partnerships or anything on earth, in the heavens or beneath the sea.

THREE: ‘You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.’ I will not lie to you, lie about you, or lie to others about your words. Like, complaining, blaming, judging, swearing by degrading your name, all of these attitudes, thoughts and words are violating your words about being grateful for all things, giving thanks in all circumstances for this is your will in Christ Jesus. Whatever your words says, I will believe it and go forth with confidence that you are right and have designed me to live accordingly. All of your commandments are good and worthy of praise.

FOUR: ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.’ I will worship you through your word everyday. I will spend enough time with you everyday to make up an entire Sabbath day. I will talk about you and your words in the morning, getting up, walking, sitting down, lying down, and going in the car – in whatever I am doing, when I have time to think about my choices of thought, it will be about you and your words.

FIVE: ‘Honor your father and your mother.’ I will continually raise the value of my parents through thoughts, words and deeds.

SIX: ‘You shall not murder.’ I will give worth and life to others instead of taking life from them through angry or degrading thoughts, hate, lust, disgust, actions of murder, and any other thought, word or actions that would take away the value of another person.

SEVEN: ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ Instead of taking away another man or woman’s mate from them for personal pleasures, I will imagine ways that I can enrich the lives of couples and give to them whatever I can to ensure their happiness. I will never again think about doing sexual acts with another life time mate. I will pray for and imagine how other wives and husbands can have a more enriched life together by writing, speaking and counseling couples to enjoy all of what God has planned for them.

EIGHT: ‘You shall not steal.’ I will not take away what another person has but rather think of ways to enrich others by giving what I can to meet their needs. I will not take away their money, time or any other possessions they have. My desire for others is that they gain all they can from God and his creation. I don’t want what they have because my God is providing all that I need everyday through His riches in glory through Christ Jesus.

NINE: ‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.’ I will not take away or diminish another person’s reputation by lying about them, bad mouthing them or judging them. I do not want to be a part of tarnishing anyone’s character. I want all others to be lifted up in praise and honor, not brought down in the eyes of the world.

TEN: ‘You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.’ I will not use the freedom that God has given me to seek ways of gaining from others and what they possess because God is all that I need and He is supplying me with everything - more than I could ever imagine wanting.

Your husband is addicted to pain medication and pornography - what do you do?

My heart is saddened this morning for the woman who left the following comment from a recent post of mine:

That is true…but what about the situation I am in. My husband claimed to be a Christian when we got married. He has been a pain med addict for the past few yrs now & now he is into internet porn. I HAVE tried to forgive and move past all that. He doesn’t want to give up his sin. I cannot keep subjecting my 4 children to that. Sometimes 2 people are better off not being together. I never thought I would see myself in a split home. But as for me & my children…we do not have a broken home. My husband is the one that is broken.

I experience situations like this each month through the Marriage Restoration Intensive program. You are not alone in your fear and struggle for your marriage. Your husband’s addiction to pills and pornography is destructive and hurtful for the marriage and your children.

But there is something I want to challenge you on, and it hit me while reading your comment. Your husband is not the only broken one in the marriage. I’m not saying you are exactly like him, so please do not stop reading this post. But do not be fooled into believe you are not broken. We are all broken and can always find a way to try something different or improve ourselves. We are all cursed with this thing called sin. No one is free from the curse.

I don’t know how many years you’ve been married, but I want to encourage you through some verses. You will want to hide these deep in your heart because they will give you strength.

1 John 3:14
The way we know we’ve been transferred from death to life is that we love our brothers and sisters. Anyone who doesn’t love is as good as dead.

3:17-18
If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

4:7-8
My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love - so you can’t know him if you don’t love.

1 John 4:12
No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us - perfect love!

1 John 4:20
If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?

1 Peter 3:1-6
The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance - the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes - but your inner disposition. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.

I hope you take these as encouragement and not as a prison sentence. But too many times I meet with individuals who’s marriages are in crisis and they feel that anything and everything had been done to save the marriage. I rarely meet the person who’s tried everything. Your husband needs help, that is obvious, but maybe your strategy to help him has been faulty? Your husband’s change is not up to you, that is between him and God. But you can certainly win your husband over through your attitude. Like it says in 1 Peter 3:1-6, your “inner disposition” can make a world of difference to your marriage.

As for leaving your husband, this needs to be prayed for fervently and with other strong Christian friends who are walking with God in a real relationship. If God ever gives you and your friends peace about leaving, then you are in God’s will. Pornography and drug addiction are unacceptable in a marriage, but do not be fooled in believing divorce will make your life easier…it won’t. You’ll need to be prepared financially, spiritually, and emotionally to handle the divorce.

If there is one thing I’ve learned through the years of counseling couples in crisis - divorce always makes a bad situation even worse. So don’t be naive about how you will feel if you proceed with a divorce. You will need all the strength and support possible to make it through.

The things you learn working for a divorce attorney

I read all the comments posted to this site, and from time to time I feel obligated to post the comment for everyone to read - to highlight the brilliance of the www.gosmalley.com readers! Check out what one of our readers learned while working for a divorce attorney:

I have been working for a divorce attorney for almost 6 yrs and the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that whoever you made a baby with, that person is the other parent and will be for the rest of your lives. Mothers and fathers enjoy rights and responsibilities as parents that do not go away or get revoked with a divorce decree. And think about this: your child would be a different person entirely with a different partner. Consider that perhaps God brought you together under exactly these circumstances for you to learn something He wants you to know. You are the parents of a child and each of you have gifts, talents, DNA, insights, time and more that only you and your partner and NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD can share with this child you made.

It is an awesome privilege.

I believe it’s time to forgive each other and yourselves for the fornication, certainly God has already forgiven you - He has given you a beautiful child! And has called you to His ministry! Now you just need to improve your relationship with each other and I would suggest to just be kind to your spouse as often as you can. That ought to get you until Micheal’s new book comes out! Best wishes to you!

Keep sharing the insights!

Memorial Day

Today we celebrate Memorial Day. This weekend usually marks the beginning of summer with bbq’s, block parties and so on. While all that is fine, it is most important to pause and remember all of those that have served our country. Many gave their lives to preserve the freedom you and I share. Many were wounded, and most, at some point, were separated from their families for long periods of time to do it. Without these brave men and women, the USA would not be what it is today.

Right now, we have many of these serving our country and the principle of democracy and freedom overseas. I, like many of you, would love to see them come home. It breaks my heart everyday when I hear more have died. But no matter how we feel about the war, we would be an ungrateful nation if we did not continue to support our troops and the sacrifice they make for us.

We have a friend that just returned from Iraq. We spent time with him on Saturday hearing some of what life was like over there. It takes a very unique person to do what he does. You cannot help but be overwhelmingly proud.

This week is Fleet Week in New York. We have all branches of the military in town. Yesterday, my husband and I went to lunch after our church service. As we ate, we noticed a young man in his crisp white Navy uniform come in to eat. As we left, they were leaving also and my husband took the time to shake this young man’s hand and thank him for what he is doing for us. He seemed extremely grateful to have that thank you.

I don’t want this to be another “preachy” Memorial day speech, but today of all days reminds us of what it takes to do what they do, and they deserve the support of every single American that are privileged to call this their country.

Helping your out-of-control child

I read this report recently on Gawker.com:

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence. After her Mercedes mowed down some palm trees at 5:30 a.m., she left the scene of the crime for a hospital in a private car, and was apprehended there. The coke was found in the car, but not on her, though possibly in her.

If your child is struggling with a drug or alcohol (or both) problem, then I would suggest the following three points to try and help her overcome the addiction:

The first step in any healthy recovery program is getting connected with a “higher power”. If your child is struggling, then you need to focus her eyes - and yours - on Christ. Your child may be resistant to this idea, and you certainly can not force the issue, but if you can get your child to look upward, you can count on the battle being won. Christ’s job is to heal the brokenhearted, so run to Christ in this time of need.

This next point is difficult, but it must be written, you can only help a child who wants to be helped. However, if your child is seriously endangering her life, then you must step in and “force” her to a place of safety. It won’t be easy, and she may threaten a broken relationship, but you wouldn’t allow your child to play in the middle of a freeway, the same is true for drug and alcohol problems. When it comes to the life and safety of your child, get her help. If she is a legal adult, it might be more difficult, but do what can be done to protect your child from herself.

Model the behavior you want in your child. Be kind, patient, and consistent. Never give up and fight for the love and health of your child. We must also look inward and make sure we are not teaching addictive behavior to our child. We need to ask a difficult question of ourselves, am I contributing to my child’s abuse in any way? Sometimes the most wonderful parents in the world will have children who rebel, but sometimes our children rebel because we are not creating an environment that helps them.

A nice tribute to the men and women fighting in Iraq

I’m glad to see people still supporting the troops. What a brutal thing to be involved in war but at least people are still remembering…

More on Darfur

I found this piece off of Reuters. it is an interesting thought and question, but read for yourself”

Sudan’s Enablers

By JODY WILLIAMS and MIA FARROW

We met in Abeche, eastern Chad, in February of this year. We were both working for the United Nations, focusing on the violence in Darfur and how it has spilled over into local and refugee populations in Chad and the Central African Republic. We had something else in common as well: Both of us had been inadvertently funding the atrocities we were trying to stop. This funding came through our holdings in investment companies such as Fidelity, which has major holdings in PetroChina and Sinopec—two Chinese oil companies that have poured billions into Khartoum’s coffers. At least 70% of Sudan’s oil revenues have been used by Khartoum to purchase attack helicopters, Antonov bombers and small arms used to kill and inflict immeasurable suffering upon the population of Darfur.

After discovering our indirect complicity in Khartoum’s crimes, we moved our pension plans into investment companies that are not enabling mass atrocities. We also resolved to become more involved with the various efforts to divest from companies doing business with Sudan. Fidelity has not been the only, or even the largest, U.S. firm enabling the slaughter in Darfur. Earlier this month, Warren Buffett and Berkshire Hathaway, which has roughly $3 billion invested in PetroChina, voted not only against divesting, but against taking any shareholder action on the issue. Read the rest of the story.

A quote worth reading (I mean waiting)

“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”

Fran Lebowitz
US writer and humorist (1950 - )

How do my boyfriend and I keep from having sex?

The question:

I have been dating a great man for just over 6 mos. On our first date he told me of his limits and I agreed. We have not had sex. We both have a history of having sex with our S.O.s. Realizing our mistakes in life and striving for a better life and future, we opted to live with Christian beliefs. How can we be together with the brakes on? We find it hard not to fall into old habits. He tells me he finds it hard to be together without having the desire. Any tips for keeping our dates on the PG level?

The answer:

Thank you for this question and thank you for your desire to keep the relationship healthy. Not everyone is willing to keep this kind of commitment with their boyfriend or girlfriend in today’s society. So you are to be commended!

If you truly want to keep the relationship from becoming sexually active, there are several things you need to keep in mind. The first thing you already accomplished! Always date someone with the same moral desire, if you don’t, then there is no way you will keep from having sex. So good job on the first thing. The second is just as important as the first, but a little more difficult to honor. I don’t know how old the two of you are, but if you are serious about saving sex for marriage, then you will not want to spend significant alone time together at night where there is a greater and easier opportunity for sex. Late night movies in the basement or bedroom are not a good idea. It is natural to want each other sexually, you are fighting against biology - the way God designed us. Third, create an accountability group for yourselves. A group of people who believe in saving sex for marriage. This group of people will help you when the strength to fight your biology is weakest. If you do not get into an accountability group, then I do not believe you can make it. We need the strength and support of people we do not want to let down to help us keep our commitments.

Am I allowed to have different hobbies and interests than my husband?

The question:

How can I explain to my spouse that just because we are married and love each other does not mean that we can’t or shouldn’t have interests that do not necessarily involve the other (they could, but just don’t.) Any time I develop an interest in something that takes any time away from him or our kids, he starts to feel like I am neglecting him to extremes. And it does not matter if I only spend an hour a day doing that thing. Any advice?

The answer:

Your spouse is complaining about your interests and the fact they take time away from him and the kids, but that is not what he is really complaining about (click on “that” to read more about what he is really complaining about).

You need to download the core fears list from the article I linked to in the previous paragraph. The words listed on that sheet are what he is complaining about. Until you are able to validate a “fear” or the underlying emotion of your husband, then you two will be in conflict over your hobbies.

Now, about you having separate hobbies and interests. That is totally and completely healthy! There is not problem in the two of you having different interests, in fact, it is important so you can keep your love alive.

But if your spouse, husband, is complaining about your hobbies or interests, then like I said in the first paragraph, first find out what he is really complaining about, then validate those feelings. Once you validate the feelings, he will probably not have such an issue with them.

However, if you are out of balance when it comes to your “alone” time, you need to back off and spend less time with whatever it is that is taking you away from your family. If the two of you do not see eye to eye on this matter, then go ask a friend or relative what he (she) thinks. Get an outside opinion, who knows, they might have a different take on the matter which will help you and your husband resolve this conflict in a healthy and supportive way.

How can I fix my hurting marriage?

The question:

It appears that my spouse and me have been at each other for the last four and half years of our marriage. My spouse and I are both Christians and are in the ministry. However, we messed up in the beginning because we committed fornication and that forced us to get married earlier than we should have. It has been a problem ever since. I knew better but i just gave up hope during that season of my life. I don’t know what to do. I stay because I have a daughter and we have a church. Do you have any advice?

The answer:

I’m actually writing a currently titled A Simple Solution to a Happy Marriage. The concept of the book is personal responsibility and how this one love skill can change everything in your marriage - and for the better! The basic idea of personal responsibility is that we need to stop blaming our spouse for our hurting marriage. The more we focus on our spouse and what he or she is not doing, the worse our marriage will be.

I want to encourage you to take the focus off your husband and off the rough start of your marriage. You can’t change anything about how you two got married, but you can make a choice to change how you are interacting with each other today. I’m thrilled you are staying in the marriage, even if you think it is only because of your daughter. That is the right decision. Trust me when I say that divorce is horribly worse than an unsatisfying marriage. The consequences for your daughter are not worth splitting up. Research is perfectly clear on this matter.

I hear you when you tell me your marriage got off to a rough start because you were having sex with each other before the wedding day. I’m not sure if you got pregnant before you got married, but if that is the case, then everything you are going through is normal. It is difficult to start a marriage under those circumstances. But now you are married and I challenge you to focus on the ways you can change.

You might be surprised how this impacts your marriage - besides - you can never lose when you do the right thing. The right thing is to focus on God and ask Him where you are weakest in the marriage and then to work on those areas.

R.I.P. Morality?

What example are you setting?
Rom 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world…”

We cringe when we hear the devastating stories of young girls being sold for sex over seas. These children are traded for a pittance and forced to take on the identity of a street whore. They are robbed of relational beauty, and taught that their worth is comparative to that of a filthy barn animal. My heart breaks over this, and, I long to dry the tears of these precious daughters, thrown to the wolves of deeply seated human sin. But as I think about such stories, and reflect upon how blessed and fortunate I am to live in the country I do; something ignites a question in my mind. Is my society really that different? Are we so beyond third world tragedy? What about selling thong underwear in a little girl’s department store, TV commercials promoting promiscuity, make up sets to toddlers, breast implants, plastic surgery; and the list goes on. It seems that long gone are the days when a role model was someone who bared integrity instead of body parts. Really, we are teaching our little ones to desire things that downplay inner character and morale, and instead, planting the lie that popularity and worth come from money, labels, and physical perfection. Things that would have caused social revolt a few hundred years ago are now passed off as the freedom to exercise human rights. Disturbing and grotesque are considered healthy and open minded diversity, degenerating our cultural character and leaving barely a remnant of anything wholesome or edifying. In an effort to chase social acceptance, we are dying to be thin, selling ourselves for attention, compromising for the bottom dollar, and cashing in integrity for possession.

A friend of mine was telling me that her 6 year old daughter was caught sneaking makeup and miniskirts to school. She would wear one outfit when leaving the house, change at school, and then switch back again to go home! At 6 years old!!! Another lady I worked with found out that her 13 year old daughter was sexually active! This poor girl was found trying to commit suicide in order to escape the pressure and stress of it all. As much as these examples shock me, I know that they are unfortunately not the exception, but are quickly becoming a norm. While these kids are not necessarily being sold for money on the streets, they are, without their consent or knowledge, trading childhood innocence for cheap popularity and premature responsibility. They are falling unprotected into a culture of vulgarity, and hype; following footsteps of adults who endorse shallow sex for the sake of marketing and can’t discern commitment from emotions. When it comes down to it; just because we aren’t standing on some dark street corner, it doesn‘t mean we aren’t playing a different version of the same game.

I am not trying to depress, bash, or start a debate here. My discussion is one of posing a question… The truth is, modern morale is in dire need of a face lift. Reformation and transformation of a whole can start with a single, concentrated movement. Today, I urge you to take responsibility and ask: are you doing all that you can to protect morality? Silence is only another way to let the cycle continue. So, make sure your voice is loud enough to be heard an octave above the status quo.

How much does a housewife earn?

That’s right, I recently heard that people were trying to quantify a “salary” for a woman who chooses to stay at home with her children instead of making a living in the “workforce”. I like the idea, not that any woman who is a stay-at-home should worry about it, I hope and pray she is well aware of her value!

But it is interesting, and here is a thought I found on the subject from coeinc.org:

HOW MUCH IS A HOUSEWIFE WORTH

“If you’re a stay-at-home wife and mother, you’re worth a whopping $125,900 a year! That’s because your mate would have to pay $2,325 a week to hire people to perform all the jobs you do, according to U.S. government statistics. A busy mom provides her family with the services of a child care worker, cook,dishwasher, chauffeur, laundry worker, maid and more. Here’s what it would cost to hire someone to do these jobs for a week, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics 1995 Employment and Earnings report:

1. CHILD CARE WORKER - $182
That’s the amount working parents fork out for a fulltime child care worker to look after and feed their children.

2. COOK - $238
Professional cooks earn an average of $238 a week. But you could be worth even more if you whip up dishes that could be served at fine restaurants.

3. DISHWASHER AND KITCHEN CLEANER - $225
That’s what an expert makes working full-time in the catering and food preparation
business.

4. LAUNDRY WORKER - $199
You’re worth $199 a week to wash, dry and fold your family’s clothes and linens.

5. CHAUFFEUR - $362
Professional drivers pocket $362 a week. But you may be worth more since you’re at your family’s beck and call 24 hours a day.

6. MAID - $182
Although this is what the average maid earns, it’s not a lot to do all the dirty work around the house.

7. RECREATION COORDINATOR - $303
You should be paid $303 a week to plan and execute your children’s playtime schedule.

8. TUTOR - $228
You tear your hair out helping your children master the “new math” for free; while a professional tutor rakes in $228 a week.

9. BOOKKEEPER/SECRETARY - $389

A clerical worker who balances the books, answers the phone and organizes schedules earns $389 a week.

Tally all those figures and you’ll find you could be earning a cool $120,900 a year ($155,280 if you factor in a 3% inflation rate).” This does not even factor in the spiritual training and mentoring that a mother will do that a hired hand would not. So how much is the love of a stay-at-home mother/wife worth to a family? PRICELESS…PROVERB 31

Some of you readers might not know this about me, but I was actually a stay-at-home dad for almost a year while my wife finished her masters degree in clinical psychology. I had two babies to care for, and they were only 20 months apart and neither was potty trained when I started the job.

So I know first hand how difficult being a stay-at-home is, and I have confronted men with this first hand information many times over the years of counseling. One time, I even challenged a husband who was really belittling his wife for what she did around the home and with their four children by asking him to stay at home with the children for five straight days while his wife went on a all girls vacation.

He took me up on the challenge and when he finished, he never complained about his wife again!

Make sure you think before you yell at your kids

Of course you should never yell at your kids, but from time to time that is a reality for any parent…even this parent! I was converting a DVD for play on my new iTv that my lovely wife Amy bought for my birthday. If you’ve ever converted a DVD before, it takes forever! So I left my laptop on the kitchen counter where the kids eat breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner and more snacks (only when I’m in charge of meal time ).

My first mistake was leaving the laptop in an area where the kids want to eat. The second mistake I made was when I lazily got up from the couch and strolled over to the refrigerator for something to eat and noticed that my oldest child, Cole, had closed the laptop. The third mistake I made was reacting to the scene before I calmly and lovingly gathered data on why the laptop was closed. All I knew was that the conversion was now messed up! So I snapped at Cole and let him know that he shouldn’t be touching my laptop…ever.

When I finally took a breath after the thorough tongue lashing of Cole, he quietly and meagerly said, “But there were some ‘bad’ pictures of CD albums on the screen and I didn’t think I should see them. That’s why I closed it.” Ohhhhh. My iTunes screen saver had gone in to effect and was randomly displaying cover art from albums I’d purchased.

In essence, I shamed my son for doing the right thing!

It is always a wise decision to think before we freak out on someone, especially our children. I quickly apologized to Cole and asked him to forgive me for yelling at him, then I tucked in my tail and headed out of the kitchen with my foot firmly planted in my mouth.

The Greatest Relationship

Most of you come to this site to learn about your relationships. We all want our relationships to be the best they can be. The only way that can truly happen is to discover the “greatest” of all relationships. And that is our relationship with God.

It is impossible for any of us, on our own, to accomplish the complexity of relationships without this foundation. Think about it. We have an amazing blueprint for how to live our lives–the Bible. And following it enables US to become the best WE can be. That is the first step in having a successful relationship with another person.

God has given us the answers to all the relationships in our lives through His Word.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul all your strength.” Deut. 6:5
We need to love Him first and with everything that is within us. He needs to be the first love of our lives, otherwise, it’s pretty difficult to love someone else. It is with His love that we are able to love others. And our love for Him comes from knowing how much He loves us.

Our spouses:
Scripture says we become one flesh (Gen 2:24). There’s a covenant involved in that joining that includes God. It also says “that which is joined together by God, let man not separate.” (Matt 19:6) This should be the motivation of our heart to work through anything and everything to keep our promise to each other to stay together through it all. We should allow nothing to separate us. Marriage is meant to be permanent. Ephesians Chapter 5 is an amazing scripture on the husband/wife relationship. Study it carefully and read it completely. It is often misused. When fully understood, we see that we are to serve each other in marriage.

Our children:
Prov. 22:6 tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he shall not depart from it.” And Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Our relationship with our children is multi-faceted. We are responsible to teach them the right ways of the Lord so they can grow up to make right decisions for themselves. In doing so, it often requires discipline, done with the right heart, never trying to exasperate them. We teach them these things not just through words but by example. Our children need to always be treated rightly with honor and respect. As we treat them the right way, our relationship with them will grow strong.

Our friends:
Prov 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.” and John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” You could take this verse literally, but laying down your life means putting yourself aside and serving one another. And that’s the way we should approach every relationship we have; as one of service. That is what Christ taught us. Isn’t He the perfect model? He loved us so much that He put His very life down and died for us. He wants us to have that same love for each other. And that example of love is the very blueprint for every relationship.

You see it all points back to the condition of your relationship with your heavenly Father. That relationship will be the guiding factor in every other relationship in your life. When you are endeavoring to make that your greatest relationship, you will become a much better person and therefore, that will make all of the other relationships in your life that much better.

When people let you down

People are not going to love you well, they can’t, it is called sin. You are going to be lied to, yelled at, abused, neglected, ignored, abandoned, rejected, controlled, and basically messed with from time to time. The big question is, what do you do when your in the midst of all the pain this causes?

Run to Jesus!

I do not write this lightly. One of the best ways the enemy can defeat us is to keep our minds off of God and on our struggles. I know this is a tactic for me, and I imagine that many of you experience the same kind of turmoil. When we most need Jesus, it often seems like we are the most resistant to Him.

How do we run to Jesus? Simple, take a look at the following suggestions and then feel free to add to them via your comments:

Pray…if you don’t know how, just put “prayer” in the search field on this site and you’ll find some helpful posts on the subject of prayer. Prayer is the most intimate way for us to connect with God. Just put it all out to Him…he can handle what ever you throw at Him!

Go to your church…this can be through corporate worship, your pastor (or priest), Sunday school, or a mentor of the church. But do not ignore the power of your church community.

Get in to your bible…this is not just another book, you can find many treasures by just sitting down in a quiet place and reading. If you don’t know where to read, go to some popular bible sites like bible.crosswalk.com or biblegateway.com.

Go to a friend who is growing spiritually…when seeking advice from a friend, it is important which friends you go to. Seek a friend who is committed to Christ and is spiritually growing. You wouldn’t want advice from any other friend.

Finally a Christian who is relaxed about sex

OK, this title might get me in trouble, but I had to say it. One of the more frustrating experiences I have as a counselor are Christians who are prude and uptight about anything involving sex. This is a horrible testimony to the world, it hurts your own sex life, and what we all need to remember is that God created sex - so enjoy it to the fullest!

This comment was left recently and I had to share it with everyone:

I don’t care what my wife says, I am NOT wearing a maid’s costume

You can listen to the podcast in which he is referring to here; you can also get into the comments as well.

Thanks for having fun with the podcast Dominick!

How can I get my boyfriend to forgive my past?

The question:

I’ve met the perfect guy in my life. But whenever we talk about my past mistakes, which I’ve made a lot of them and I do wish I could go back and change it, I can’t. He sometimes likes to throw my past up in my face and he’s made the same mistakes too, just not as many. How can I get him to understand that I know what I did done was wrong and for him to forgive me and move forward?

The answer:

Dear unforgiven, first let me say that I’m saddened your boyfriend has been pointing the finger at your past mistakes and ignoring his own. Secondly, and I hate to say this, but you can not make him forgive you. Forgiveness will be on his shoulders and not yours. You can certainly move toward reconciliation by asking him what he would need from you to move past your past, but I don’t like it. Something makes me nervous about a boyfriend who shames his girlfriend about her past.

I talked to my wife about your question, and we both agreed that the most likely reason for your boyfriend pointing out all of your past mistakes is simply that he feels guilty about his own. He has probably avoided his own forgiveness and hates to see himself through knowing your past. Typically, when someone refuses to “move past” someone’s mistakes in life, they have their own unresolved issues.

You do not need him to forgive you to be happy. Frankly, if he does not forgive you then I will share the advice of my eight-year old daughter Reagan. She overheard us discussing the question (no mention of your name ) and promptly responded, “Or… she could just dump him!”

Now that might not be what you want to read, but it is true. There is absolutely no reason to stay with someone who is unforgiving when you are simply dating. I can not stress this enough. God may be handing you a gigantic gift in seeing this guy’s heart, and an unforgiving heart is an ugly thing.

You do not have to keep defending or apologizing for your past. God sees you as completely and totally clean in His eyes because of the gift Christ gave us through His death. Your boyfriend needs to see you this same way, because he is no better than you.

Why do we have kids?

The greatest wedding video montage I’ve ever seen!

Thank the Lord I didn’t make it on this video! If you can’t view this YouTube video, then go here to fix the issue for IE 6 or 7.

Read this if YouTube videos do not work in your browser on my site

I’ve been told recently that many of you who use Internet Explorer 6 or 7 can not view the YouTube videos on my site. I use FireFox and did not realize this was a problem for some many of my readers

I checked out the problem on my own version of IE 7 and found out the same thing, the YouTube videos were not showing up in the browser! So Michael Pollock came to the rescue once again and gave me a link to the following site that addresses these issues:

http://forums.microsoft.com/MSDN/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=869616&SiteID=1

You can click on that link to read all the comments and fixes, but here is what I did that worked for my browser:

Go to Internet Options, Security tab, then click Custom level. Scroll down until you see where it says “Display video and animation on a webpage that does not use external media player.” Change it to Enable.

That worked for me, if it doesn’t work for you, then you’ll want to go to that page and see another way to fix the problem.

The power of a positive word

You can never underestimate the power of a positive word for a child. Reagan, my middle daughter, received a card recently from her student teacher. When I got home from work the day she received it she jumped up in the air and couldn’t wait to read me her special card. It reads:

Reagan, I must say - you are the sweetest, shiniest person I know! What a joy to be around such a thoughtful and sensitive girl. You always are kind to everyone no matter who they are, and that kind of attitude will take you far (she underlined far). Keep reading and trying your best. I know you will! Sincerely…

You would have thought that Reagan had won the lottery! She couldn’t wait to read it to her brother, her mother, her father, and I believe she even read it over the phone to one of her grandparents! Moments and thoughts like this can literally shape the future of a child. What a gift this special student teacher gave my child - the gift of belief, encouragement, support and so much more.

Take the time to say or do something positive for a child (especially your own) today. Just simply point out their value and preciousness as seen through the eyes of God.

Messing with your kids has never been so popular

This video is something I’m totally capable of!

A Mother’s Love

I’ve said it before. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It requires a self sacrifice that compares to nothing else. When they’re babies we do it all for them. We dress them, wash them, feed them. When they get a little older, we watch their every move to protect them from danger, like sticking a coin in the outlet or touching a hot stove. As teenagers, we give them guidelines on who they should spend time with and what things to avoid to keep them safe.

When our children are born, we have a list of hopes and dreams for them. We want them to grow up healthy, successful and happy. We do everything we can to start them on their way to their own lives. That’s what we want, right? To know we have prepared them to fly on their own?

Yes it most certainly is! But when the time comes, it isn’t so easy to let go. I say that having come to realization that my oldest son may very well not come home after Bible college. You see, he has given his heart to another–God! He has made the choice to serve and follow Him with his entire life. Having made that decision, he will go wherever God calls him to go. And as his Mom, I have to allow that to happen.

I’ve been reflecting on the Mom’s in the Bible that have faced much more difficult situations than I. Moses’ mom had to place him in a basket and release him to a river, where he was taken and raised by another woman. Hannah, after pleading with God for a child, promised to give him back. While her son was still quite young, she had to keep that promise. And of course, Mary. I cannot even imagine for a moment what every minute of her life was like knowing that she was raising the son of God. Having the responsibility of keeping Him safe so He could save the world. And I cannot fathom her grief when she had to let him go to the cross. Oh, what pain she had to suffer watching Him die.

You see, the biggest and greatest thing we can give to our children, is to let them become what God has destined them to be. We must realize that as they reach that goal that we set for them, we are not the center of their lives anymore, but rather,that they now have their own. We have to realize that all we have sacrificed for them is not enough. The greatest sacrifice is allowing them to fulfill their God given potential. If there was ever a time for us to lay down our lives for another, being a Mom means letting our children go. That is the best demonstration of the love of Christ there is.

The actions of a true father

You might think that skipping out of town shorty after your daughter’s three-hour combination surgery and chemotherapy ordeal were the actions of a dead-beat dad. But for Jazz guard Derek Fisher, these actions were anything but dead-beat! In fact, as I type this post at the Brooklyn Bagel in my hometown of The Woodlands, I realize that God has already begun to use his family’s ordeal for something better - something miraculous.

With thousands of knuckleheaded fathers watching last night’s game, Derek Fisher modeled how a true father should be. First, he made it clear that he only attended the game with his wife’s permission, what a testimony! An NBA legend with championship rings told the whole world that he wouldn’t have gone unless he had his wife’s sign-off.

Then, in the middle of his own crisis, he took time to educate the public on the importance of eye exams for their children. Eye exams that can help prevent, or at least catch, the beginning stages of a rare disease (the one his own daughter is suffering from at 10-months of age!) called retinoblastoma.

Thank you Derek Fisher for helping us all see how a real dad acts in a time of crisis, and oh, by the way, all five of his points came in overtime which helped the Jazz take a 2-0 lead in their series with Golden State. You’ve got a new fan in me, even though you hit the game winning, and series ending, shot against my beloved San Antonio Spurs!

Where do you run when life overwhelms you?

I was reading this morning from 2 Chronicles and came across chapter sixteen verses seven through nine. It is a great testimony of who you turn to in times of trouble, and frankly, what will typically happen if you don’t:

Just after that, Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said, “Because you went for help to the king of Aram and didn’t ask God for help, you’ve lost a victory over the army of the king of Aram. Didn’t the Ethiopians and Libyans come against you with superior forces, completely outclassing you with their chariots and cavalry? But you asked God for help and he gave you the victory. God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to him. You were foolish to go for human help when you could have had God’s help. Now you’re in trouble - one round of war after another.” (The Message)

The biggest trick, or game, the evil ones will play on you is to keep you from running toward God in times of need, especially when it involves the restoration of your marriage. Reject any thought or inaction that keeps you from seeking God in times of trouble. God will in turn bless you and use His resources immediately available to you - His word and His people!

There are some things that just shouldn’t happen on your wedding day!

The footage speaks for itself.

Next Page »