Love is

I re-read I Corinthians 13 “If I can speak many languages or if I can see the future, understand great mysteries and have a ton of knowledge, if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, if I give everything I own to the poor, if I give my body to be burned as a sacrifice, but if I have all of the things the world considers great, but don’t have God’s love within me, I am nothing!

Therefore, I consider myself as nothing so that I can have His love.  Matthew. 5:3.  Then, others can see when I have his love because I have patience, kindness, willingness to lose what I have for others, humility, manners for the sake of others, more concerned about the welfare of others than my own, and the other characteristics of this chapter.

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

God’s Love is…

• Patient,
• Kindly,
• Joyful,
• Peaceful
• Full of Goodness,
• Full of Faithfulness,
• Showing Gentleness,
• Reflecting Self-control
• Reflecting Humility
• Honors and Worships God as the one and only God
• Mannerly
• More concerned about the interest of others than self
• Compassionate
• Does not want what belongs to others (Ten Commandments),
• Does not brag, (But is humble),
• Not proud,
• Not rude,
• Does not look out for its own interests, (Compassionate),
• Does not easily become angry (Gentle), (Meek) (Grateful in all trials), (Self-control),
• Does not keep track of other people’s wrongs (Merciful),
• Is not happy with evil,
• Is joyful when the truth is spoken (Pure in heart),
• Always protects,
• Always trusts,
• Always hopes,
• Never gives up
• And it never fails (Peace maker)

Galatians 5:22, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love =, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law”.  Beatitudes….beggar, compassionate, meek, hungry and thirsty for righteousness, Merciful, pure in heart, peace maker, grateful in all trials.

May I be patient and kind, not jealous or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not insisting on my own way, not ever irritable or resentful.  May I rejoice always in what is right, never in anything that is wrong.  Help me to bear all things and endure whatever I must, to trust in all.

I’m a hero…finally!

I got home late last night after working too many hours at my office. Stumbling into the kitchen I saw my eldest son, Cole, drawing something at the table. When he saw me, a huge smile spread across his face as he jumped up from his chair and proudly showed me this drawing:

This is a picture of me (the warrior/ninja Christ follower) standing in triumph for Christ! I couldn’t believe the drawing and I practically ruined the manly moment by crying (I also wear pink from time to time for full disclosure). He was so proud of me and how I try to help people know Jesus better.

The funny thing is that I don’t feel like I do a very good job at this quest, but maybe I do better than I thought.

If I could have dreamt of a way I would want my son to picture me, I couldn’t have dreamt of a better image. How do you want your children to draw you? Don’t get hung up on your failures (I have plenty of them), if you go after the image you want your kids to have of you, they will see it even when the picture is a little blurry.

How can I connect better with my wife?

My wife has a female Godly friend that she talks to and spends time with more than me, her husband. I handle it wrong initially trying to convince her that she is putting her in front of me. I don’t know what to do. She thinks I am just trying to control her and tell her what to do. Help me. I love my wife so much.

Is it possible to survive multiple affairs?

A user from Ohio asks: How can a marriage with no trust, and a history of affairs be “fixed” or repaired? Even if you have been repeatedly told to leave and are apart now?

Understanding love

Here’s how I read I Corinthians 13:

If I can speak many languages or if I can see the future, understand great mysteries and have a ton of knowledge, if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, if I give everything I own to the poor, if I give my body to be burned as a sacrifice, but if I have all of the things the world considers great, but don’t have God’s love within me, I am nothing!

Therefore, I consider myself as nothing so that I can have His love.  Then, when I have his love, I have patience, kindness, willingness to lose what I have for others, humility, manors for the sake of others, and more concern about the welfare of others than my own.

Should my husband travel with another woman?

Should it be a concern to me (because it is) that in my husbands job at times he travels with another woman to a job? I always thought that would be something a person would want to avoid but he says he has to so they don’t have to take 2 vehicles to the job. Is it just my insecurities? I know he’s very friendly and talks easily with people and I don’t know if I’m just being overreactive.

Is divorce an option if you’re being physically abused?

What does God think about abuse?  If you are being physically abused, will God look down on you if you decide to leave your abusive spouse?  The answer to these questions is on my latest podcast.

Working from home just got easier

In today’s world it is so much easier to work from home, to be your own boss, to be a mobile giant. I’ve used remote access for years, but now it is truly becoming affordable. For those of you who don’t know what “remote access” is, take a look at services like RemotePC.com. Remote access helps you reach the computer at your office from home, giving you access to files, printers - basically anything connected to your computer at work. Here some more information about remote access from RemotePC.com:

Fast Logins
Logins are quick, secure and rarely take more than 5 seconds. No lengthy applet downloads via browser each time you login.

Desktop Sharing
Securely share data on your computer with friends and business associates. Invite up to 10 users from remote locations to simultaneously access your remote host computer to conduct meetings. More

Firewalls and Proxy Servers
Works behind most firewalls and proxy servers.

No IP Address
Host computer does not require a static IP address

Remote Printing
Ability to print directly from your remote host computer to a printer connected to your local viewer computer.

Easy File Transfers
Easy transfer of data between host and viewer computers. Even allows for access and transfer of contents from a mapped network drive.

I love this kind of service because it allows me to hang out with my family more, and since I have ADHD, I don’t have to freak out if I didn’t get something off my office PC. But having more family time is important. One of the biggest complaints I hear from spouses at my Marriage Restoration Intensives is that their spouse spends too much time away from the family because of work. When your family feels number one in your life, they typically don’t worry about time spent working because their love bank accounts are full!

Finding Fido - a cool GPS tracking system for dogs

Our most treasured family pet got lost over two months ago when he escaped from my in-laws screened-in porch. My family was travelling to Branson, Missouri for a speaking event and Einstein (named for his wild hair) escaped and my in-laws could not track him down. They felt horrible, we felt horrible, and now I’ve found a GPS tracking system that might have helped in the search.

Garmin Astro 220 is actually a GPS tracking system for guys who love to hunt and might have difficulty tracking their hunting dogs. But I think it might also be a really cool tool in helping families find their lost dogs in the neighborhood and surrounding areas. Here’s what Pet-Super-Store.com has to say about the devise:

What’s the most frustrating part of a good hunt? Losing your dog and having to waste valuable hunting time tracking them down. Well not anymore! Garmin’s Astro is an extremely sensitive GPS dog tracking system that will allow you to let your dog do the hunting while all the time knowing exactly where your dog is. Imagine being able to pinpoint their exact location with out even being able to see or hear him.

Dense Cover Tracking

• As quickly as every 5 seconds, the DC-20 transmitter attached to your dog sends his location to your hand held. You can also see the trail he took to get there. Switch to the Dog Tracker view and determine if your dogs is running, sitting, on point, or treeing. The Astro can also be set to send you an alarm when you dog goes on point.

Full Featured GPS

• Set a way point for your truck or camp and rest easy knowing you can find your way back. The Astro also has all the features of Garmin’s GPS tracking hand held outdoor devices including a barometric altimeter, electronic compass, microSD card slot, celestial information, area calculator and rugged, IPX7 waterproof exterior. With optional detailed city street maps, you can search for over 6 million points of interest and create a route on roads with exact turn-by-turn directions.

Keeping an eye on your kids - literally

Do you ever worry about what your kids are doing when you’re not home? Do you wonder if the new babysitter just hired is the right person for your children? No you can actually answer these two questions and many more through HomeCamera.com. It is truly a cool site and service, and for Beta testers, it will be free:

During our public beta, HomeCamera is completely free. No hidden charges - we don’t ask you for your credit card or attempt to bill you in other ways. And, when we do go “commercial”, we promise we’ll be very very affordable and all our early beta trialists will receive special prices as our way of saying “Thank you for helping build the world’s easiest to use Internet home surveillance camera system”.

HomeCamera is an Internet home surveillance service that has been designed for regular folks - people who need an easy-to-use (yet full-featured) home monitoring solution, without spending thousands of dollars on fancy equipment, and without enlisting the help of the neighbourhood tech genius.

I’ve looked it over and really think that this could be a wonderful tool for parents to help them keep their eyes on their children when away from the house. Amy and I use babysitters and whenever we have a new girl, it really is a little nerve racking to wait to come home and hear what the kids thought. Besides feeling like I can actually check on my kids when away from home, I never imagined that setting up a home camera would be this easy! Their system will work with any webcam, so you don’t have to purchase a camera from them, you can simply use the one you already own.

I’m telling you…if you want home monitoring (or maybe you are just finding out about it from this post), go check out HomeCamera.com. I want to make sure that you know HomeCamera has asked me to be fair and balanced (Sound familiar fox friends?) in assessing their service for you. When you see their site, you’ll notice what I noticed immediately, that they are a real and professional company that might truly be able to help you set up your own home camera system (without having to find that local neighborhood kid genius).

On writing well…and quickly!

Writing is such a fun way of life. You can create a story, a moment, a lesson, a longing, anything your mind can dream of you can make possible through writing. So why doesn’t everyone make a living out of writing? Easy…sometimes the sheer overwhelming feeling of dread that comes over you the moment you start on page one and realize you have to go to page 225 can keep any well-intentioned writer from actually writing!

I stumbled across and found a guy, Nick Daws, who promotes a program that can help you get a book out in 28 days or less. At first, and I want to be honest, I felt like it was just another one of those “promises” that are meant to sucker in any want-to-be writer. But as I gave it a closer look (How could I not with such a promise!) I started to feel that Nick might be on to something.

The reality is still the same, you have to actually write the book, but writequickly.com gives some solid advice on how to set up the proper environment to get the job done - and done well. Creative writing doesn’t have to be a nightmare and Nick Daws helps wake you up

Helping a child with a bad temper

The question is “How do I handle an 11 year old child who is always angry and has a mean attitude towards siblings and is also short tempered towards parents?”

Does a wife have to submit to her husband?

“What is your opinion on submission?  (Ephesians 5) Are couples to be mutually submissive to each other or is the wife to submit to the husband?” You won’t want to miss this answer…it might surprise you.

Overprotective parents

I’m sure every parent out there has been accused of beig overprotective at one time or another by at least one of their children. Our kids sometimes look at the boundaries we set for them as restrictive rules and may feel a little overwhelmed.

It is my opinion, though, that there is a HUGE difference between being overprotective and being responsible.

A responsible parent sets guidelines that are meant for the good of their child. Those guidelines are meant to protect them and teach them things about life and responsibility. A responsible parent is involved in their child’s life and knows what they read, watch on tv, what music they listen to and who they hang out with. Our kids, (yes even teenagers), still need our guidance in making decisions because they don’t always know what is best, although they think they do. My 15 year old son isn’t always thrilled with those guidelines, but he’s starting to get why they’re in place.

Here’s an example: He loves rock music. We keep a watchful eye on what he listens to since there is so much junk out there. He also loves to go to concerts and shows. He recently asked permission to go to a show in a nearby state. We asked all the appropriate questions: what bands were playing, what kind of venue it was, and how he was planning to get there. He knows he is not permitted into any establishment that serves alcohol and he is also not allowed to ride in a car with a young person we don’t know. The reason for the first rule is obvious due to both our faith and his age. The reason for the second rule is because young people, especially where we live, tend to be rather reckless drivers and if I don’t know them, I can’t trust them. Well, the show was at a concert hall so that took care of one problem, but the only way to get there was with a stranger, so the answer had to be no.

The following week, my son came to me and told me he was really glad he didn’t go to the concert. It turned out that the kid that was driving, ended up in a big fist fight that got ugly. This was a perfect opportunity for me to explain to him how careful he has to be about his choices and why we still guide him. To me, that is a responsible parent.

My idea of an overprotective parent is one that won’t take the time to teach their child to make the right choices, but instead makes them all for them. That parent doesn’t allow their child to make mistakes, but instead makes sure everything is done right for them. That parent speaks for their child instead of allowing them to speak and think for themselves. That parent can be smothering, overbearing and overwhelming. That parent doesn’t allow their child to grow.

There is something called “balance” in everything we do. We certainly need to set the right boundaries for our kids and discipline them when necessary. But if we don’t give them the right tools and allow them to learn things on their own, life will be very difficult for them. My policy is this: I always look first to God’s Word on what He expects of us all. I set my boundaries based on what it will take for my boys to BECOME strong men of God. And I remember that there are many things I can’t do for them and many more things they have to learn on their own.

Keeping a close eye on them doesn’t make us overprotective; but refusing to let them grow up will.

Live long and prosper - a family devotional

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” Ephesians 6:1-3

Obey thy father and mother, thus sayeth the Lord! Yeah, right. We certainly don’t feel like obeying our parents all the time. For instance, my dad once told me (this is a totally true story) that I had to ride my dirt bike (a sweet Honda CRX 80) over this major drop-off in the deserts of Arizona. I was maybe 11-years old at the time and just couldn’t get up the nerve to ride over a 12-foot cliff! Who knew that an 11-year old would freak out about riding his dirt bike over the edge of a cliff?

Anyway, my dad tried bribing me, coercing me, and finally, when neither of those healthy parenting strategies worked, he resorted to threatening me. That’s right, my dad threatened punishment if I didn’t ride over the edge so he and my older brother could keep on going with their afternoon ride. Out of total bitterness I gunned my engine and shot off over the edge. I hit that edge at full throttle and literally flew through the air and then lost my grip on the bike. Me, the bike, and the birds flying near by flew down the side of the canyon wall and landed in a heap at the bottom with the bike revving its engine and pulling doughnuts on my legs.

Believe it or not, this is not a lesson about disobeying your parents. God tells all followers of Christ to obey their parents, and in fact, this command even comes with a promise. Things will go well for you if you listen to your parents and honor them with your attitude. You will live a long and successful life when you honor your mother and father. My dad’s intention was not that I would hurt myself that afternoon. In fact, if I had actually listened and obeyed, instead of being stubborn, I would have heard him trying to tell me how to make my way down safely.

CHECK IT

1. How can you better obey your parents?
2. Is there something you need to apologize for with a parent? Go and ask forgiveness from that parent.
3. When has listening to your parent ever helped you in life?

Let it Be

“To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.” Luke 6:27-30

Every body sing that famous Beatles song with me, “Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.” You’ve probably heard the term “tough love”, and it more than likely came right before you got whacked by your parent, or grounded, or punished in some creative (yet terrifying) way. I’m not talking about that kind of tough love.

Tough love is when a friend spreads a vicious rumor about you and instead of spreading a nasty rumor of your own, you forgive that friend. Tough love is when some punk takes a punch at you, and instead of fighting back and smack’n him in to tomorrow, you get up and walk away from the fight because you are better than a punch.

Want to be radical? Want to throw “The Volt” (Made famous by Moto X rider Kyle Loza. Loza hits the ramp at full speed on his motorcycle and then he literally lets go of the bike and takes a full vertical 360 spin and grabs back on before falling to his death!) in someone’s face? Then do what very few people ever try to do, instead of allowing someone who’s hurt you to bring the worst of you out, let it bring the best. In fact, do to that kid what you wished he would have done to you. The Golden Rule. Too many kids out there think it’s “weak” to back down and do the right thing, but Christ said that it is not only the best thing to do, but only the truly strong can even pull it off.

CHECK IT

1. Who’s been bothering you lately?  What can you do for them that they aren’t doing for you?
2. Pray for someone right now that has hurt you in the past week.
3. How could you be a servant this week for Christ?

The opposite of smack down

“Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Have you ever just wanted to smack somebody? Like John Cena, just pick them up and toss them through the air and then finish them off with a sweet submission move? Parents, friends, and teachers have all hurt you in some way or another. I’ve been hurt, and I’ve wanted to use WWE moves, but then I remembered that I didn’t have the strength nor the flexibility to pull it off properly. I would just end up hurting myself and the perp would walk free, probably laughing at me as he stomped on my stomach.

Our natural reaction to getting hurt is to fight back, to hurt back. It feels like the “right” thing to do at the time, but usually, if we gave in to the feelings, it doesn’t normally feel too good. That is why Christ is so incredible. He knows a whole bunch of stuff that we don’t, like for example, when we are really mad at someone we should turn the other cheek – or like the verse says – be gentle and sensitive to forgive others.

If you want your life to be like Christ, then you have to learn how to forgive instead of fight. To be sensitive to other’s feelings and needs so that you can be a true friend to someone who is hurting. But most importantly, you will want to learn to forgive those who hurt you because that is what Christ did for us. We didn’t deserve forgiveness, that is what is so cool about Christ forgiving us – we didn’t earn it but he gave it to us anyway. You can be like Christ when you choose to forgive someone, maybe even when they don’t deserve it.

CHECK IT

1. Who do you need to forgive in your family or circle of friends?
2. How can you be more sensitive to someone at school (i.e. maybe someone who needs a friend)?
3. What does it mean that Christ forgave you?

No matter what…God’s got your back!

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.” Romans 5:3-5

My dad used to tell me that nothing bad could ever happen to a Christian. What? That used to make no sense to me and he would get nasty responses from other people who would hear him say it. Bad things happen to Christians all the time. You probably have something in your own life that hurts to even think about. But when you read Romans 5:3-5 my dad’s crazy statement starts to make sense.

No matter what happens in your life, anything at all, God will use that trial or hurtful experience to build patience and virtue in your life. Bad things happen, that’s for sure, but God turns those bad things in to incredible things like patience and virtue. Which just happen to be two of the greatest qualities a Christian can have!

Virtue, in fact, means the quality of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong. How cool is that! When you go through hurtful times in your life, and then you allow Christ to turn them into something virtuous – you get a stronger and more dedicated ability to do what is right. Bad things will come your way, the good news however, is that Christ will not let them stay bad for long. He will use them to ultimately make your life better and the lives of the people around you. Don’t be surprised if Christ uses you to help someone who’s going through something you went through (but made it through).

CHECK IT

1. How has Christ turned something bad in your life into something good?
2. What do you think God has planned for your life because of the hurts you’ve experienced?
3. Who do you know, in your circle of friends, that could really use your help because of something you’ve overcome in life?

Overcoming pornography addiction

If you are struggling with an online (or offline) pornography addiction, then take a look at what I found at www.puronline.com:

What are the key components in breaking addiction?

Clearly define the problem.
One common element that we believe must be present in any recovery program is a clear definition of the problem. This includes gaining an understanding of how sexual addiction starts, how it is fueled, and the impact it has on us and the people we love.

Start with a Biblical foundation.
It is vital for a Christian man that the solution be authored from a foundation that is Bible-based. Sexuality and sprituality are tightly linked and trying to solve one without the other will prove futile. Understanding the problem from a biblical perspective will allow you to put in place a solution that is also centered around your faith.

Have a plan.
No recovery program can remove sexual addiction overnight. Nor can any one plan solve every different kind of sexual addiction in every kind of man. But, for a plan to work, we believe that it must have clear, concise recovery steps that the participant can follow.

Take action.
You won’t finish something that you are afraid to start. Often the one thing that prevents a guy from getting help is that he has to tell someone he needs help. That process of disclosure is often perceived to be too painful, and so the problem just continues–and often escalates. So whatever you do, find a course of action that you are able to start quickly–and in a confidential setting. Just like any cancer, early treatment can often mean better, faster, more thorough recovery.

I’ve helped and worked with individuals addicted to pornography and I’m telling you right now…if you don’t get into an accountability relationship (no matter what program you choose to utilize for help) you will significantly lower your chances of success.

Addictions of any kind require an accountability relationship that his grounded in a faith-based accountability  relationship.  You do not want, nor need, to tackle this problem alone.