Transformation through setting your soul free - the unseen battle (week 3)

There is a battle going on that we can not see but it is real and it can negatively impact your life and relationships. Listen to what it takes to recognize this unseen battle and learn what it takes to win.

Our sex life has gone down hill - what can we do?

Q: Our sex life has gone down hill - what can we do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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What can we do to prepare for a good sex life?

Q: My fiance has had sex and I haven’t. I’m nervous about having sex. I’m afraid it might hurt and that it might not be a wonderful experience. What can we do to prepare for a good sex life?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer More from Michael and Amy Smalley

My husband simply doesn’t want me in his life anymore - what do I do?

Q: My husband simply doesn’t want me in his life anymore. After a year of counseling he’s decided to divorce me. Should I do more to try to save our marriage?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Are we poisoning our kids?

I don’t have all the facts about this issue…but I’m telling you there has to be something to it:

AN INTERNATIONAL MOVEMENT OF PARENT-VOLUNTEERS HELPING MORE THAN 10,000 CHILDREN BEGIN BIOMEDICAL TREATMENT.

Our children are experiencing epidemics of ADD/ADHD, Asperger’s, PDD-NOS, and Autism.

We believe these neurological disorders (”NDs”) are environmental illnesses caused by an overload of heavy metals, live viruses, and bacteria. Proper treatment of our children, known as “biomedical intervention”, is leading to recovery for thousands.

The cause of this epidemic of NDs is extremely controversial. We believe the primary causes include the tripling of vaccines given to children in the last 15 years (mercury, aluminum and live viruses); maternal toxic load and prenatal vaccines; heavy metals like mercury in our air, water, and food; and the overuse of antibiotics.

Generation Rescue is a parent-founded, parent-funded, and parent-led organization of more than 350 families. Our mission is to share the truth with parents about the cause of their child’s NDs so they can focus on treatment.

My mother-in-law is overbearing and disrespectiful - how can my husband help?

Q: My mother-in-law is overbearing and disrespectful. How can I get my husband to help with the situation?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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How can I rekindle the romance and passion?

Q: There are times when I don’t feel a great deal of love and affection for my mate. Instead I feel like we are just roommates. How can I rekindle the romance and passion?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s AnswerMore from Michael and Amy Smalley

What can we do about in-laws?

Q: We live in the same town as our in-laws and our families won’t leave us alone. They’re always at our house, uninvited. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but should we say something?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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How do we solve the issue about the amount of kids we want?

Q: My fiance and I are arguing about having kids. She wants to start a family right away, but I want us to finish our educations and get stable jobs first. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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I’ve got cold feet about my wedding…what do I do?

Q: I’m engaged and am starting to get cold feet about the wedding. How can I know if it’s right for us to get married? Is it normal to have doubts?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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The best blog design and designer around

I’ve posted this before…but I had to again.  Michael Pollock of Solostream design has saved the day again for me.  Not only has he given me a wonderfully designed website (the blog you are reading currently) but he is also gracious enough to help me out when I’ve messed up things on the back end of my blog!

Last night I tried making some major changes to my site…which I should have learned by now is not worth it since I never get things quite correct.  Late into the evening I labored trying to fix things until I finally gave up and reached out to Michael.  When I woke up this morning it was all fixed.

Thanks Michael! If you want a great design for your blog please visit his website here.

Should we move in together before we get married?

Q: We’re engaged, but aren’t getting married for a year. We want to move in together but our family is discouraging us from doing so. Is it wrong to live together before we get married?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I’m totally depressed about breaking up…what do I do?

Q: I’m really depressed about my girlfriend and I breaking up. I want to get back together with her, but I know she’s not interested. I’ve even thought about ending my life. What can I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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The second very funny Parkway commercial

Skip Mozisek is the funniest worship pastor ever!

Don’t say we didn’t ever try to be funny

A very funny Parkway Church commercial

We just shot this commercial yesterday and I thought you all might enjoy it!

This is how you reach someone that isn’t interested in a boring church

I want to break up with my boyfriend - what should I do?

Q: I want to break up with my boyfriend. He’s really sensitive. I’m afraid of how it’ll hurt him or what he might do. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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Five great lessons to make you think about the way we treat people

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:3 0 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 60s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..

It read: “Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.”

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

“Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

‘I’ll have the plain ice cream,’ he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Up on approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.

Now you have 2 choices.

1. Delete this email, or
2. Forward it to people you care about.

I hope that you will choose number two.

‘Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody’s watching.’

NOW more than ever - Peace…Pass It On

I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend…what should I do?

Q: I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend. We broke up four months ago. I desperately want him back…but he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m completely lost. What do I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

How can I teach my daughter that it’s okay to remain abstinent?

Q: In a world that treats sex so casually, how can I teach my daughter that it’s okay to remain abstinent?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

How can we keep from having sex in a dating relationship?

Q: We just started dating. We don’t want to have sex, but I’m concerned that it might just happen. Do you have some advice for us?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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If I’m a virgin, should I only marriage a virgin?

Q: My boyfriend has had sex, but I am still a virgin. I’m really interested in him, but I’d like to marry a man who’s a virgin, too. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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I’m a single parent - should I only date someone I want to marry?

Q: I’m divorced and have two kids. Should I only date if I think the person is someone I can marry?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
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Radio Podcast: Silence, solitude and I can’t mention the other in the title

Our latest radio podcast is actually our best one of the show so far! Learn more indepth about silence and solitude, and a little something extra! Listen here.

Put your kid on the “Thinking Chair”

My son’s preschool teacher has an excellent approach that is a tad different than a time-out. When I joined my son and his class today at recess, one of his buddies was quietly sitting at a bench in the middle of the playground. When I asked him what he was up to, he simply responded, “I’m on the thinking chair.” I could tell he was upset, and so I asked the teacher what the deal was (totally out of curiosity).

She then told me that she didn’t like the term “time-out”. So she puts kids on the “thinking bench” or “thinking chair” because they have some things to think over. I really liked this because it sounds and feels more productive and not so negative. Not that calling it a “time-out” is going to critically wound your child, but she does have an interesting twist.

On My Heart

Marriage seems to be so much of a struggle for so many people. Somehow we forget the feelings we had when we first got married and allow our lives to melt into routine and responsibility and somehow drift apart. Difficulties arise and when the relationship is strained, those difficulties become impossibilities. We grow tired of having to work things out and accept things the way they are. In doing that, we grow further apart and the problems grow deeper. We are now frustrated, angry and miserable. One of the most difficult concepts in our culture today is the very thing that promises us a great marriage; or success in any relationship. Remember as Christians, the very foundation of who we are lies in Christ and what He did for us. He gave everything He had…Himself. He gave His life so we might live and have a more abundant life. That same sacrifice is what is expected of us in our marriage. Marriage isn’t just about compromise. Compromise is important, but in a way, it speaks of giving in “to some degree”. It speaks of both parties giving up “something”. Sacrifice means you give up EVERYTHING. It means you forget about yourself, what you want and what you need to care more about the wants and needs of your spouse. That’s a very hard thing to do today because we live in a “ME” society. But we have to remember it’s not all about “ME”. It can’t be. If we remain selfish and self-centered, instead being what Christ called us to be–selfless and giving–no relationship in our lives will ever live up to its potential. Remember the principle of sowing and reaping. It applies to every aspect of our lives. Whatever you sow into your spouse and your marriage is what you will reap. So, if you sow all you have, that’s what you will reap.

As we celebrate Valentines Day this year, I really think we need to concentrate on loving our spouses the way Jesus loves us. Completely, unconditionally and willing to give everything to see our marriages be what they can be.

Is Internet dating OK?

Q: I have problems meeting people to date. I’ve been thinking about trying Internet dating. Is this okay?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Transformation through the spiritual acts of silence and solitude (Week 2)

Learn the ancient art of silence and solitude and watch how you can transform your life by getting away and letting go. Listen here.

Difficulty asking women out on dates?

Q: I have a difficult time asking women out on dates. I’ve done it before but have been turned down. Now I get nervous. What can I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Integrity. Humility. Generosity. Good ideas for a leader. Great ideas for a marriage!

I’ve been reading a wonderful blogger that I recently discovered. His name is Mark Batterson, the lead pastor of National Community Church. I had to post one of his more recent posts on my blog:

Integrity. Humility. Generosity.

“I’d rather die than embarrass Jesus Christ.”

Of all the things Rick Warren said, I feel like that statement was the most powerful. Really appreciate Rick’s humility and transparency. He talked about the three temptations leaders face. They are the same temptations Jesus faced in the desert.

The first temptation is lust of the flesh. Satan says to Jesus, “Turn these stones into bread.” He was tempting Jesus to use his gifts for self-gratification. And the antidote is integrity.

The second temptation is lust of the eyes. Satan shows him the kingdoms of the earth and says all this can be yours. Rick said the temptation is taking shortcuts to accumulate things. And the antidote is generosity. By the way, Rick reverse tithes. In other words, he gives 90% and lives off 10%. Awfully inspiring!

(to read the rest please go to his blog here)

Marriages can be plagued by the same temptations as leaders. How can you have more integrity, humility, and generosity in your marriage?

Transformation through silence and solitude - The sermon notes (Week 2)

Here are my notes on last Sunday’s sermon. Please feel free to download a PDF version here or simply copy what is contained in this post:

Week 1: Transformation: your tomorrow begins today!
Transformation through silence and solitude

START OFF WITH 3 MINUTES OF TOTAL SILENCE

In our noisy and chaotic lives, we need to take a moment to breathe in and be still.

Psalm 131:2 (New Living Translation)
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Why do we need silence and solitude?
1. Because Jesus did it
Matthew 14:23 (The Message)
With the crowd dispersed, he climbed the mountain so he could be by himself and pray. He stayed there alone, late into the night.

Mark 1:35 (The Message)
While it was still night, way before dawn, he got up and went out to a secluded spot and prayed.

Luke 4:42 (The Message)
He left the next day for open country. But the crowds went looking and, when they found him, clung to him so he couldn’t go on.

John 6:15 (The Message)
Jesus saw that in their enthusiasm, they were about to grab him and make him king, so he slipped off and went back up the mountain to be by himself.

2. Because we need God’s direction
EVAN ALMIGHTY CLIP
“I commend solitude to any of you who are seeking salvation, first, that you may study well your case as in the sight of God. Few men truly know themselves as they really are. Most people have seen themselves in a looking-glass, but there is another looking-glass, which gives true reflections, into which few men look. To study one’s self in the light of God’s Word, and carefully to go over one’s condition, examining both the inward and the outward sins, and using all the tests which are given us in the Scriptures, would be a very healthy exercise; but how very few care to go through it!” (C. H. Spurgeon)

C. S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity says, “God designed the human machine to run on himself. He himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”

3. Because our mind, body, and spirit need it
Mark 6:31 (New Living Translation)
Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat.

Psalms 46:10 (The Message)
“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”

What prevents us from being silent and alone?
1. Fear of our past or fear of our future (which can turn in to negative beliefs)
CLIP OF I AM LEGEND
2. Our culture
Living the Christ-centered Life Between Walden and the Whirlwind, Jean Fleming observes, “We live in a noisy, busy world. Silence and solitude are not twentieth-century words. They fit the era of Victorian lace, high-button shoes, and kerosene lamps better than our age of television, video arcades, and joggers wired with earphones. We have become a people with an aversion to quiet and an uneasiness with being alone”

How do we do it?

1. Location, location, and location (Find them in your home, around the corner, and for overnight stays.)
2. Start off simple
3. Schedule time away during the year

First, think of silence and solitude as complementary disciplines to fellowship. Without silence and solitude we’re shallow. Without fellowship we’re stagnant. Balance requires them all. (Taken from Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald S. Whitney, copyright 1991.)

THE CHALLENGE: TAKE 15 MINUTES THIS WEEK TO BE ALONE AND QUIET.

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