The last sermon: There is a season…

There is a time for everything. Discover what it sounds like to take on transition and thrive!

Our inheritance: (another glimpse at Eve)

The very demons we face can literally be traced back to the original fall of humanity. Eve bought into the lie that she was lacking something. Read more

When little girls fight

I was a hero tonight. Well, at least I was a hero in my own way. In fact, now that I think about it, no one else (other than myself) has actually referred to me as a hero tonight. So I might be the only one who actually views myself as a hero. But that is not important. What is important is the lesson I was able to teach 4 little girls tonight in my neighborhood.

The lesson was about validation. My daughter got her feelings hurt by one of the neighborhood girls. I happened to be outside when it occurred because we’ve been experiencing a power outage due to a major thunderstorm that rolled through a few hours ago. I only share that because I want to be honest, there’s no way I would have been outside tonight because the Spurs are playing the Lakers in game 4 of the Western conference finals.

God used the power outage to my advantage. As I overheard the girls arguing back and forth with each other, each one taking her own position, I waltzed out to the middle of the cul-de-sac and announced that I wanted to teach everyone a valuable lesson about validating. Of course, each girl (including my daughter) looked at me like I was straight out of a science fiction movie. But I seized the opportunity for a ‘teachable moment’ and plodded ahead.

I quickly shared how validation is:

the reciprocated communication of respect which communicates that the other’s opinions are acknowledged, respected, heard, and (regardless whether or not the listener actually agrees with the content), they are being treated with genuine respect as a legitimate expression of their feelings, rather than marginalized or dismissed. (thank you Wikipedia)

Wikipedia has honestly one of the best definitions I’ve ever read on validation. So I taught the girls what it looks like when you validate one another. I even pulled out an example, you could even call it a parable. It only took me about 1.5 minutes to share my thoughts, and I truly believe the world is a better place because of my actions tonight (hence the hero feelings mentioned earlier).

Dreaming together: the thing of a happy marriage

Amy and I rode our bikes this evening for about 25 minutes. Let me be clear, getting me out to exercise is a miracle in and of itself! But I realized something very important for our own relationship and for the relationships of those reading this post. Dream together.

I believe making plans together, for the future, is a critical element to a happy and satisfied marriage. At one point during our ride we purposefully headed toward this fancy neighborhood in our area because Amy wanted me to see the framing job of a new house (Her dad has been a framer for over 40 years!).

When we stepped inside the home we started dreaming together on the kind of home we’d like to build some day with her dad. It was only about 10 minutes worth of exploring the newly framed house, but that 10 minutes provided a lifetime of love for each other and plans for the future.

When your kid freaks out

All I wanted to do was help my 9 year-old daughter learn her spelling, but judging by her reaction, you would think I was trying to help someone rip the fingernails from her tiny hands! Conflict comes in many ways, reasons, and circumstances.  They key to conflict with your kids is to maintain your own integrity during the argument.  The moment you loose control, the ability to effectively discipline your child is gone.

Luckily for me, Reagan’s fit was so over the top that I actually had to concentrate more on not laughing rather than loosing control.

I had asked Reagan to say each of her spelling words out loud, then write each word down three times.  It felt like a good plan to me but Reagan must have thought I was asking her to remove one of her vital organs! I sent Reagan to her room and told her she had 10 minutes to finish the exercise.  When the 10 minutes past, I called out to her and she ran down the stairs and handed me the sheet of paper.

I was surprised to see what had been written.  Instead of her spelling words written out 3 times each, there was one statement written in such a way as to fill out the entire sheet of paper, and it read, “I HATE SPELLING!”

Being a parent is so much fun!

The prescription for marriage

A few months ago, my husband had an infection in his toe. He went to the doctor, got a prescription and left that prescription on the kitchen counter for several days. His toe, as you would expect, did not get any better. In fact, it got worse. His toe displayed a variety of the colors in the rainbow and he was in great pain. After procrastinating long enough, he finally got the prescription filled, and once he took it, his foot was back to normal.

Why am I telling you this story? Well, it came to me during this time that an unhappy marriage is a lot like that infected toe. Something happens to create a flare up, or we get too busy to spend any real time together. After a while an “infection” develops and we find our marriage in serious trouble. Once that happens we need to seek out the prescription that will deal with that problem. The only prescription that will do any good is the Lord and His word. We need to study what the Bible says about being a good husband and a good wife. We need to know what Jesus said about being the person we were created to be. Along with knowing what God says, we need to learn some practical tools that can be used in everyday situations that will allow us to grow together through good times and bad. We need to know how to love for a lifetime, how to communicate and how to resolve conflict.

The trick is not in finding all this information, but in actually USING it. See, marriage is WORK. And at some point, you have to make a choice that you want your relationship to thrive. It would be wonderful if the honeymoon lasted forever, but the reality is that is just doesn’t. It’s then that we learn to love each other with the love of Christ and make it our daily purpose to do so.

Just like my husband’s prescription–it did him no good just sitting on the counter. He had what he needed to get well, but he just didn’t use it. Once we discover God’s plan for a thriving marriage (and His plan is the best one) and put it to use, only then will we find that the “infections” in our marriage become the exception and not the rule.