September 11th

As a New Yorker, I did not feel it appropriate that today go by without mention. It is stunning to me that seven years have gone by since that horrible day when our city and our nation were attacked. In New York, the anniversary of 9/11 is memorialized in several different places throughout the city and in several different ways. There are moments of silence for when each of the planes hit the towers, followed by moments of silence for when each tower collapsed. At the World Trade Center site, the names of each and every person lost is read and flowers are placed in the area. For those of us that live here, it is a very emotional day.

As I drove to work today, I listened to a popular local radio show. They were remembering that day too, by taking phone calls and playing songs. At some point a few of the phone callers commented that they thought too big a deal was made of this anniversary and that it was time “to move on”. The radio personalities struggled with this mentality greatly, not understanding how anyone could feel that way. I agree with them.

September 11th is a moment in our history that our country will never forget. We all know exactly where we were and what we were doing that day. I was on my way to work when the first plane hit and at that moment, we all thought it was an accident. I got to my office and turned on the television only to see the second plane hit a short time later. By then we knew. Stunned silence followed for quite a while as we watched mesmerized at what was happening. My co-worker had a son in those buildings who called to say he was told to stay put; then called again to say they were evacuating. Thankfully, he got out. It all seemed surreal as we made phone calls checking on people. The first thought for most of us was our family. We wanted them close. My youngest son was nine at the time and my dad was able to get him out of school and bring him to me. My normally active, joyful young man sat in a corner for hours unable to comprehend what had happened and why anyone would do this to us. My oldest had just begun his first year of high school and I had to go to the school to get him. While the school was organized in dismissing students, it was still total chaos as people scrambled to assemble their family.

We opened our church doors to anyone that felt they needed comfort and held a service that night so we could comfort each other. Our congregation had a police officer who was at the site that came into church that night with the dust still on his clothes and in his eyes. A construction worker had watched in horror from a building close by as people jumped from the towers rather than be burned. He came to service in shock.

Many New Yorkers lost someone they loved and many of us know someone who did. This loss of life changed all of our lives forever. There is no way we can ever forget what happened and no way we should ever ignore this day. To think we should just “move on” is a travesty to the memories of all those innocent people that died and those that loved them. Just watch CNN while they read the names of the almost 3,000 people that died that day.

September 11th, every year, needs to be a day of remembrance and of prayer. We need to pray for those families have to deal, not only with the loss, but the way it happened. And we need to pray for our country! No matter where you live in these United States, please remember this day in your hearts each and every year!

The simplicity of marriage

In working with couples, I often find myself wondering how to best communicate the best “keys” for a happy and healthy marriage. Read more

The prescription for marriage

A few months ago, my husband had an infection in his toe. He went to the doctor, got a prescription and left that prescription on the kitchen counter for several days. His toe, as you would expect, did not get any better. In fact, it got worse. His toe displayed a variety of the colors in the rainbow and he was in great pain. After procrastinating long enough, he finally got the prescription filled, and once he took it, his foot was back to normal.

Why am I telling you this story? Well, it came to me during this time that an unhappy marriage is a lot like that infected toe. Something happens to create a flare up, or we get too busy to spend any real time together. After a while an “infection” develops and we find our marriage in serious trouble. Once that happens we need to seek out the prescription that will deal with that problem. The only prescription that will do any good is the Lord and His word. We need to study what the Bible says about being a good husband and a good wife. We need to know what Jesus said about being the person we were created to be. Along with knowing what God says, we need to learn some practical tools that can be used in everyday situations that will allow us to grow together through good times and bad. We need to know how to love for a lifetime, how to communicate and how to resolve conflict.

The trick is not in finding all this information, but in actually USING it. See, marriage is WORK. And at some point, you have to make a choice that you want your relationship to thrive. It would be wonderful if the honeymoon lasted forever, but the reality is that is just doesn’t. It’s then that we learn to love each other with the love of Christ and make it our daily purpose to do so.

Just like my husband’s prescription–it did him no good just sitting on the counter. He had what he needed to get well, but he just didn’t use it. Once we discover God’s plan for a thriving marriage (and His plan is the best one) and put it to use, only then will we find that the “infections” in our marriage become the exception and not the rule.

On My Heart

Marriage seems to be so much of a struggle for so many people. Somehow we forget the feelings we had when we first got married and allow our lives to melt into routine and responsibility and somehow drift apart. Difficulties arise and when the relationship is strained, those difficulties become impossibilities. We grow tired of having to work things out and accept things the way they are. In doing that, we grow further apart and the problems grow deeper. We are now frustrated, angry and miserable. One of the most difficult concepts in our culture today is the very thing that promises us a great marriage; or success in any relationship. Remember as Christians, the very foundation of who we are lies in Christ and what He did for us. He gave everything He had…Himself. He gave His life so we might live and have a more abundant life. That same sacrifice is what is expected of us in our marriage. Marriage isn’t just about compromise. Compromise is important, but in a way, it speaks of giving in “to some degree”. It speaks of both parties giving up “something”. Sacrifice means you give up EVERYTHING. It means you forget about yourself, what you want and what you need to care more about the wants and needs of your spouse. That’s a very hard thing to do today because we live in a “ME” society. But we have to remember it’s not all about “ME”. It can’t be. If we remain selfish and self-centered, instead being what Christ called us to be–selfless and giving–no relationship in our lives will ever live up to its potential. Remember the principle of sowing and reaping. It applies to every aspect of our lives. Whatever you sow into your spouse and your marriage is what you will reap. So, if you sow all you have, that’s what you will reap.

As we celebrate Valentines Day this year, I really think we need to concentrate on loving our spouses the way Jesus loves us. Completely, unconditionally and willing to give everything to see our marriages be what they can be.

Love and Honor

Over the last several years, I have learned the importance of honoring those you love. The definition of honor is to “show high respect”. When I think of what it means to honor someone, I think about taking the time to let them know how important and special they are. I think about making sure they know what it means to me to have them in my life.

One of my favorite ways to honor someone is to celebrate their birthday. Yep, celebrate a birthday. I’m one of those overgrown babies whose birthday is extremely important to me. Ask anyone who knows me well and they will adamantly confirm that fact. And I think everyone’s birthday is important.

In my circle of friends, several of our birthdays follow each other beginning in September and running through January. When a birthday is upcoming, we either plan some great surprise for that person, or we give her the opportunity to choose what she’d like to do. My birthday is close to Christmas so it makes it hard to plan sometimes, but this past year, I asked to just be together with my friends over a nice dinner. And I challenged them to prepare my favorites. They did really well! We had a great time eating and talking and just being together.

The point of these birthday celebrations is to honor those we love on their day by making them feel special. Yes, we should find ways to honor them EVERY day, but it’s great to set aside some special time and just be a blessing to them. I think the greatest honor there is, is to know that we’re loved and important and to be able to show the same to others in our lives.

Anticipation into Action

As we approach yet another New Year, many of us are hoping for a fresh start and new things. Perhaps this is really the year for some of the changes you’ve been wanting to make. It may be finally losing weight or getting out of debt. Maybe it’s pursuing a new job or going back to school. Whatever it is, January 1st usually marks the day we begin again. And we’re looking forward to that new day with great anticipation.

I know for me, I always look to the New Year to do things better than the last. I make a lot of “decisions” to change my life in some way. But I realized today, that we can’t just focus on the anticipation of the things to come, but rather, we need to strive for the actuality of making the change. Does that make sense? I think sometimes we get excited for the things we want to do, but lose some of that excitement when it comes time to actually do them. Why can’t we hold onto that anticipation and just put it into action? Why? For several reasons. Because it is usually hard work, because we get distracted, because we get too busy, because those decisions lose their priority.

So, how do we transform anticipation into action? Well, I believe it requires a deeper relationship with God than we have ever had. If we spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word, we will be able to focus on His will for our lives. If we are following that will and if we truly turn our lives over to Him, He will guide us and help us take those decisions and make them a reality. I also believe it takes a greater discipline that we may have ever known. We need to stay focused on what we are trying to achieve and not lose hope when it gets a little difficult. I know this is often a large feat to accomplish, but I believe it can be done. Lastly, try to find a time in your life when you greatly anticipated something and then it became a reality. What a wonderful feeling!

I think anticipation is a great thing. But I think it’s even better when that which we most look forward to becomes true in our lives in the most beautiful way.

Have a joyous and prosperous 2008!

Thankful Thursday

Our local Christian radio station designates Thursdays as “thankful” Thursday each week. On this day, listeners can call in to share what they are thankful for. How convenient that the day set aside each year to give thanks for our blessings also falls on this day of the week.

It’s hard to believe we are into another holiday season. Last year at this time, I reminded everyone about the first Thanksgiving. This year, I’d like us to think about where we are right now and what we have.

For me, I am blessed beyond measure. And my blessing aren’t measured in what I own, where I live or what I wear. I am blessed with the things that are eternal! I have a great family, great friends, a great church and I serve an amazing God that takes care of my every need. Do I have problems? We all do. I have bills to pay, weight to lose, responsibilities to live up to.

I don’t know where you are right now. You may be struggling, there may be things that are truly difficult. But no matter what is happening, be assured that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. Focus on the good things in your life and be thankful for every single blessing knowing every good and perfect gift comes from above.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

A marriage revelation

I recently spoke to a woman whose marriage is going through some difficulties. She told me of some of their problems with tears in her eyes; her pain was obvious.

As we spoke, a revelation of sorts came to me about one of the keys to a successful marriage. We all pretty much know that marriage is about compromise and self sacrifice. You suddenly put two very different people together who have lots of expectations about this new relationship. Most of the time, whether we realize it or not, we put pressure on our spouse to meet OUR needs. And we forget that THEY have needs too.

My revelation was that marriage is about doing the things that don’t come naturally. It’s about working hard to do the things that are NOT second nature to us. What exactly does that mean? Well, think of it this way. We all have a primary love language. That means we feel loved in a certain way. Some need to spend time with their spouse, some need to hear comforting words, some require more physical intimacy and so on…. (Please read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” for more info.)

The way we receive love is often different than the way our spouse does. Since the two are different, we now have to work at demonstrating love the way they receive it. We have to do things that probably do not come naturally. Communicating may be difficult for one spouse. But you know how essential it is for any marriage. That may mean that you now have to work really hard at talking and opening up to your mate. It may be a foreign concept for you, but if you want your marriage to be healthy and happy, communication is essential, and you have to learn how to do it. Another spouse may need to hear encouraging words to know they are appreciated. Perhaps you forget to compliment your spouse or say thank you for some of the simple things. You may have to find a way to remind yourself to say something nice.

Do you see what I mean? Marriage has always been about give and take, but I think we have to understand that the giving part is more important. It requires that we give something of ourselves that may be difficult. We may have to sometimes fight against what we know and learn something new. And when we give of ourselves out of love for our spouse, the return can only be wonderful.

Are you being too protective?

A short time ago, I wrote an article on the difference between an overprotective parent and being a responsible parent. I recently received the following question from a reader:

“I am struggling with a 15 year old girl who thinks I am smothering her. The main issue right now is Facebook. She has one, to which I have access, which she knows. When she does things that her father and I feel are inappropriate or contrary to our beliefs, we talk to her about them. They are not “major” things, I guess, but she has a problem when it comes to telling too much or talking too easily to people she doesn’t know…and several boys have taken her comments or posts in a way they are not intended (as in thinking she likes them or is flirting when she is just talking). She also puts things in her “about me” that we have told her we do not agree with. She is a Christian. I don’t know how to pick battles when it comes to this Facebook thing.”

I’d like to share my response with you in hopes that it may help others with a similar issue:
“Raising teenagers is often a battle, although we would prefer it not to be. Young people often think that they can figure out things for themselves and find out later on that they really needed our wisdom. I am raising two boys. One is 20 and away at Bible college, the other is just about 16. While I agree with you about picking your battles, I also think there are areas where firm boundaries are necessary. Our youngest son decided to grow his hair long. I was less than thrilled when he started, but decided to make this a non-battle area. It’s really long now and to be honest, I can’t imagine him with it short anymore. As for the internet, that to me is a HUGE battleground. Why? Because used improperly, it can be a huge pitfall for our teens and can get them into serious trouble. Our kids are exposed to so much dangerous material, I believe it is our responsibility to carefully guard what they do on the computer. We have set the following boundaries: we have a password on the computer so that our son cannot get onto the internet unless we are around. This is for HIS protection. We limit how much time he spends on the computer. If his homework isn’t done, he’s off. I will occasionally look over his Myspace page and if there is any material that I disagree with (based upon what is right and wrong, not necessarily my opinion), then it needs to be removed. I’m pretty firm with my son, and most of the time, I don’t request it, I insist. If he argues or refuses, then there are no computer privileges. Now, I know that he may be able to access the computer elsewhere, but the point is that if he doesn’t do as I ask, he’s in disobedience and that is something neither I nor God tolerates. To be honest, I am pretty blessed. He is relatively compliant to our rules; sometimes he’ll argue saying we are over-reacting, but he seems to understand we are only looking out for him.

I don’t know what kind of discipline you have in your home, but in my opinion, if you feel strongly that whatever material your daughter is putting out there has the potential to bring her harm, you need to be firm with your boundaries. If she gives you a hard time, you may need to rethink how she spends her time on the computer.”

Pastor Appreciation

For those of you that may not know, October is National Pastor Appreciation month. This is the time of year that congregations get a chance to say “thank you” to the shepherds of their flock.

Most of those that attend church regularly have a good idea of what their Pastor does, but I will tell you that there is much that goes unseen. Scripture tells us that “to whom much is given, much is required..” and that statement cannot be more true than for those that lead the church.

Being called to the ministry is both a privilege and honor. Answering that call is a great responsibility. Our Pastors seek the Lord for the vision of the church. They spend time in prayer and study working towards seeing that vision fulfilled. They bring us the Word on Sundays and pray for us during the week. They answer our calls in the middle of the night, and show up on our doorsteps when we need them. They laugh with us during our most joyful days and speak words of comfort and kindness during times of sorrow.

They move tables, build sets, fix toilets, and do whatever is necessary to keep God’s house in order. They are the most humble of servants and the most willing to do whatever is needed to advance His Kingdom. Their sacrifice and commitment to the body of Christ cannot be measured in words.

I have the privilege of working beside my pastor, and I know what he does in the course of a week. His sheep may never see all that he does, but we all know that God does, and that is what truly counts.

Be sure you find a way to thank your shepherd this month. I promise you it will mean more than words can say to hear those he serves say, “well done”.

May I introduce…

I’d like to introduce to you the key to a great marriage….GOD!

My husband and I have a real burden to see marriages succeed and be their absolute best. Even though there may occasionally be differences or disagreements, it is possible to have a great relationship. But we believe the only way to do that is to have the Lord at the center.

You see, God’s way is the way that works. He did design marriage after all. And He gave us the road map for how it is to work. His plan is that we love one another with everything within us. His plan is that we love the way He loves us. His plan is that it’s not about what we can gain for ourselves, but what we can give to others. His plan is about sacrifice and compromise.

As a follower of Christ, you may already know this. If you’ve never heard it before, then let me share with you what my Life Application Bible says about marriage.

Marriage was God’s idea. (Genesis 2:18-24)
God hates divorce and desires that marriage should be permanent. (Matt.19:4-6)
Romance is important. (see the Song of Solomon)
Marriage is a living symbol of Christ and the Church. (Eph.5:23,32)

There is so much more in Scripture that I cannot possibly put on this page. But once you start searching, you will come to know just how important it is to follow His plan for your marriage and to include Him in it. Ecc. 4:12 tells us that “…a cord of three strands is not easily broken”. The translation is that if God is the third strand, nothing is stronger.

No matter where you are in your marriage, God wants to be a part of it. Now that you’ve met Him….take time to get to know Him.

Overprotective parents

I’m sure every parent out there has been accused of beig overprotective at one time or another by at least one of their children. Our kids sometimes look at the boundaries we set for them as restrictive rules and may feel a little overwhelmed.

It is my opinion, though, that there is a HUGE difference between being overprotective and being responsible.

A responsible parent sets guidelines that are meant for the good of their child. Those guidelines are meant to protect them and teach them things about life and responsibility. A responsible parent is involved in their child’s life and knows what they read, watch on tv, what music they listen to and who they hang out with. Our kids, (yes even teenagers), still need our guidance in making decisions because they don’t always know what is best, although they think they do. My 15 year old son isn’t always thrilled with those guidelines, but he’s starting to get why they’re in place.

Here’s an example: He loves rock music. We keep a watchful eye on what he listens to since there is so much junk out there. He also loves to go to concerts and shows. He recently asked permission to go to a show in a nearby state. We asked all the appropriate questions: what bands were playing, what kind of venue it was, and how he was planning to get there. He knows he is not permitted into any establishment that serves alcohol and he is also not allowed to ride in a car with a young person we don’t know. The reason for the first rule is obvious due to both our faith and his age. The reason for the second rule is because young people, especially where we live, tend to be rather reckless drivers and if I don’t know them, I can’t trust them. Well, the show was at a concert hall so that took care of one problem, but the only way to get there was with a stranger, so the answer had to be no.

The following week, my son came to me and told me he was really glad he didn’t go to the concert. It turned out that the kid that was driving, ended up in a big fist fight that got ugly. This was a perfect opportunity for me to explain to him how careful he has to be about his choices and why we still guide him. To me, that is a responsible parent.

My idea of an overprotective parent is one that won’t take the time to teach their child to make the right choices, but instead makes them all for them. That parent doesn’t allow their child to make mistakes, but instead makes sure everything is done right for them. That parent speaks for their child instead of allowing them to speak and think for themselves. That parent can be smothering, overbearing and overwhelming. That parent doesn’t allow their child to grow.

There is something called “balance” in everything we do. We certainly need to set the right boundaries for our kids and discipline them when necessary. But if we don’t give them the right tools and allow them to learn things on their own, life will be very difficult for them. My policy is this: I always look first to God’s Word on what He expects of us all. I set my boundaries based on what it will take for my boys to BECOME strong men of God. And I remember that there are many things I can’t do for them and many more things they have to learn on their own.

Keeping a close eye on them doesn’t make us overprotective; but refusing to let them grow up will.

Letting Go

I’ve written on this particular subject before, but with summer sadly winding down, I think it might bear repeating.

In September, many of you will be sending your young adult children away to college. While some may attend local colleges and still be at home, many others will be traveling far away. This is a very difficult time fora parent; having to let their child go out into the cold cruel world where we know have little control. The college experience can be both amazing and frightening. Our kids will be exposed to new things, some they may never have dreamed of encountering.

It is during this time where we must trust in God the most. If we have done our part in raising them up correctly, we must trust in that training to guide them in making wise choices and decisions for their future. We must allow them to become strong adults and that may include their making a few mistakes and failing occasionally. But if we’ve done our job, we trust that in the end they will become the men and women that God has destined them to become.

My oldest son will be entering his second year of Bible college shortly. He made the decision to travel out of state last year and he is quite a distance away. It’s not that easy to get together during the school year. That makes it hard. He came home for several weeks over the summer and our family was blessed to enjoy a wonderful vacation together. It was a great time. He went back to school this week and saying goodbye to him at the airport was just as hard as the first time. I fought tears so I wouldn’t upset him, but they’ve been flowing pretty easily over the last two days. I miss him already.

The point is this: We have a job to do as parents. It is our responsibility to prepare them for life. We do the best we can. Then it is our job to let them live that life. As hard as it is, we have to let them go. We do it through tears, but we do it. And the greatest reward is seeing them live that life to their fullest potential in fulfilling God’s destiny.

As September approaches, hold on parents. Know that you’re children are in God’s hands. And as the recent song says, “help them find their wings…”.

The Two Most Difficult Words

You may or may not have guessed what they are, but in case you haven’t, the two most difficult words in the English language are “I’m sorry”. For some reason, many of us have a very hard time saying it. It’s usually stubbornness, pride or down right defiance, but those two words are pretty important.

The act of forgiveness is crucial in a relationship. We need to be able to forgive and know that we are forgiven as well. Most couples face times of disagreement and things can sometimes get out of hand. When we do something to hurt or offend we need to take responsibility for it. Part of taking responsibility is apologizing. It takes great humility to do this, and it isn’t always easy, but it is essential.

The same applies to all of our relationships. As parents, when we’ve made a mistake we need to be able to go to our children and say I’m sorry. Our kids will never learn to take responsibility for their own actions if they don’t see their most important role models doing the same. Since it all begins in the home, our kids need to see it demonstrated, not just instructed.

Remember though, that the apology itself cannot be merely words. An apology should come from a truly repentant heart, and with repentance comes change. That means that with the words “I’m sorry”, should also come the ACT of change. You should be endeavoring to keep from repeating whatever you did to hurt or offend. That may mean taking a break before saying something you’ll regret, or thinking something through before making a decision that may adversely effect someone else.

Scripture tells us to forgive seventy times seven. But we must also be willing to ask for forgiveness just as many times. As tough as it may sometimes seem, saying, “I’m sorry” will make your relationships better and make you a better person.

Vacations are NOT a luxury

I know, I know. You’re wondering why that title. Although vacations are very much a luxury for many of us, they are also a necessity. Why? Because most of us spend 24/7 running around taking care of the responsibilities of life. We have jobs, chores, ministry, etc. and it can all really wear a person down. In addition, it can also make life a little monotonous or perhaps mundane.

Vacations are a time to really relax and let go of the day to day routine that tires us. It’s a time to spend bonding with your family and friends. There is no comparison to the time spent building your most important relationships. Vacations usually allow for a more stress free environment which make it easier to enjoy each other, have great conversations and maybe even get to know something new about someone–and that can include your spouse or your child.

Vacations don’t have to be expensive. Our family has tried to do something special every year. There have been plenty of years where either the time off work was hard to come by or the finances impossible to figure out. But we’ve always tried to do SOMETHING. And our boys always appreciated whatever we did because the goal was to have fun together.

When planning your time away, keep several things in mind:

1. The goal should be to have a great time doing things that everyone will enjoy. Try to make compromises wherever possible because it’s likely that you won’t all like to do all the same things. Be adventurous and try new things.
2. Set a budget; don’t get yourself into debt, but don’t be afraid to spend a little bit.
3. Vacations don’t have to be elaborate. If your finances will not allow you to take a big trip, plan weekend trips, or take a week off and do things like the beach, the pool, parks etc. Just leave the responsibilities (and the job) at home.
4. Remember this is a time that’s meant to be fun and as stress free as possible. Leave your troubles at the door.
5. Above all, just relax and enjoy!

Have a safe, happy and enjoyable summer!

Memorial Day

Today we celebrate Memorial Day. This weekend usually marks the beginning of summer with bbq’s, block parties and so on. While all that is fine, it is most important to pause and remember all of those that have served our country. Many gave their lives to preserve the freedom you and I share. Many were wounded, and most, at some point, were separated from their families for long periods of time to do it. Without these brave men and women, the USA would not be what it is today.

Right now, we have many of these serving our country and the principle of democracy and freedom overseas. I, like many of you, would love to see them come home. It breaks my heart everyday when I hear more have died. But no matter how we feel about the war, we would be an ungrateful nation if we did not continue to support our troops and the sacrifice they make for us.

We have a friend that just returned from Iraq. We spent time with him on Saturday hearing some of what life was like over there. It takes a very unique person to do what he does. You cannot help but be overwhelmingly proud.

This week is Fleet Week in New York. We have all branches of the military in town. Yesterday, my husband and I went to lunch after our church service. As we ate, we noticed a young man in his crisp white Navy uniform come in to eat. As we left, they were leaving also and my husband took the time to shake this young man’s hand and thank him for what he is doing for us. He seemed extremely grateful to have that thank you.

I don’t want this to be another “preachy” Memorial day speech, but today of all days reminds us of what it takes to do what they do, and they deserve the support of every single American that are privileged to call this their country.

The Greatest Relationship

Most of you come to this site to learn about your relationships. We all want our relationships to be the best they can be. The only way that can truly happen is to discover the “greatest” of all relationships. And that is our relationship with God.

It is impossible for any of us, on our own, to accomplish the complexity of relationships without this foundation. Think about it. We have an amazing blueprint for how to live our lives–the Bible. And following it enables US to become the best WE can be. That is the first step in having a successful relationship with another person.

God has given us the answers to all the relationships in our lives through His Word.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul all your strength.” Deut. 6:5
We need to love Him first and with everything that is within us. He needs to be the first love of our lives, otherwise, it’s pretty difficult to love someone else. It is with His love that we are able to love others. And our love for Him comes from knowing how much He loves us.

Our spouses:
Scripture says we become one flesh (Gen 2:24). There’s a covenant involved in that joining that includes God. It also says “that which is joined together by God, let man not separate.” (Matt 19:6) This should be the motivation of our heart to work through anything and everything to keep our promise to each other to stay together through it all. We should allow nothing to separate us. Marriage is meant to be permanent. Ephesians Chapter 5 is an amazing scripture on the husband/wife relationship. Study it carefully and read it completely. It is often misused. When fully understood, we see that we are to serve each other in marriage.

Our children:
Prov. 22:6 tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he shall not depart from it.” And Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Our relationship with our children is multi-faceted. We are responsible to teach them the right ways of the Lord so they can grow up to make right decisions for themselves. In doing so, it often requires discipline, done with the right heart, never trying to exasperate them. We teach them these things not just through words but by example. Our children need to always be treated rightly with honor and respect. As we treat them the right way, our relationship with them will grow strong.

Our friends:
Prov 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.” and John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” You could take this verse literally, but laying down your life means putting yourself aside and serving one another. And that’s the way we should approach every relationship we have; as one of service. That is what Christ taught us. Isn’t He the perfect model? He loved us so much that He put His very life down and died for us. He wants us to have that same love for each other. And that example of love is the very blueprint for every relationship.

You see it all points back to the condition of your relationship with your heavenly Father. That relationship will be the guiding factor in every other relationship in your life. When you are endeavoring to make that your greatest relationship, you will become a much better person and therefore, that will make all of the other relationships in your life that much better.

A Mother’s Love

I’ve said it before. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It requires a self sacrifice that compares to nothing else. When they’re babies we do it all for them. We dress them, wash them, feed them. When they get a little older, we watch their every move to protect them from danger, like sticking a coin in the outlet or touching a hot stove. As teenagers, we give them guidelines on who they should spend time with and what things to avoid to keep them safe.

When our children are born, we have a list of hopes and dreams for them. We want them to grow up healthy, successful and happy. We do everything we can to start them on their way to their own lives. That’s what we want, right? To know we have prepared them to fly on their own?

Yes it most certainly is! But when the time comes, it isn’t so easy to let go. I say that having come to realization that my oldest son may very well not come home after Bible college. You see, he has given his heart to another–God! He has made the choice to serve and follow Him with his entire life. Having made that decision, he will go wherever God calls him to go. And as his Mom, I have to allow that to happen.

I’ve been reflecting on the Mom’s in the Bible that have faced much more difficult situations than I. Moses’ mom had to place him in a basket and release him to a river, where he was taken and raised by another woman. Hannah, after pleading with God for a child, promised to give him back. While her son was still quite young, she had to keep that promise. And of course, Mary. I cannot even imagine for a moment what every minute of her life was like knowing that she was raising the son of God. Having the responsibility of keeping Him safe so He could save the world. And I cannot fathom her grief when she had to let him go to the cross. Oh, what pain she had to suffer watching Him die.

You see, the biggest and greatest thing we can give to our children, is to let them become what God has destined them to be. We must realize that as they reach that goal that we set for them, we are not the center of their lives anymore, but rather,that they now have their own. We have to realize that all we have sacrificed for them is not enough. The greatest sacrifice is allowing them to fulfill their God given potential. If there was ever a time for us to lay down our lives for another, being a Mom means letting our children go. That is the best demonstration of the love of Christ there is.

A question about intimacy: How far is too far?

A few months ago, I wrote an entry titled “What is intimacy?” A reader commented and asked me the following question:

“I met a girl about 4 months ago who has a 3 year old child. I understand she has a lot to do and I work a lot, sometimes getting home too late to call her. The only time I get to see her is on the weekends. How can I begin being intimate without making her think I am rushing her?”

I’d like to share my response:

“Dear Mike,

With the information you have given me, let me respond this way:

First, when we think of intimacy, we always think physical. However, there is more than one level to intimacy. Emotional intimacy, I believe, is where the relationship is built. It is here that a couple get to know each other treating each other with honor and respect. It is here where communication with each other is learned. It is here where a friendship can be built getting to know each other’s personality, hopes and dreams. This kind of intimacy is crucial in a strong relationship.

Having said that, my second point covers physical intimacy. It is my belief that sex was created for a man and a woman in marriage. Sex outside of marriage is not His design and can only create a messy situation in many ways. And whatever your faith, pushing such intimacy will likely not turn out well.

You have only known this woman for a short time, it seems. My suggestion to you would be that you take things very slowly, building a friendship. There may come a time when you both feel that you’re serious enough for a lifelong commitment. Once married, you can enjoy the physical intimacy that God intended. ”

The definition of intimacy is often restricted to the physical. There is so much more to being intimate than sex. I hope I’ve explained it a little bit better here.

Take nothing for granted

God is all about relationship. He created us for relationship with Him and relationship with others. Scripture is filled with instruction on how to make all of our relationships the best they can be.

This past weekend my husband and I were able to spend time with some very good friends from out of state. They are very special to us and we really value their friendship. Because we live so far apart, we aren’t able to spend time with them as often as we’d like. So it’s always a HUGE deal when we know they’re coming to see us or we’re going to see them. Each time we see them is special. We spend a lot of days anticipating and preparing for their arrival. When we are able to get together we really appreciate every moment.

As the weekend ended, we were sad to see them go. After four days of constant laughter, the car was pretty quiet after we dropped them off at the airport. As I reflected on the weekend’s highlights, I realized a few things.

The appreciation we have for our relationships should be the same whether we see each other twice a year or twice a week; whether they live out of state or in your own neighborhood. Every moment we spend with those we love should be cherished whether it be a husband, child, family member or friend. It can get pretty easy to take for granted the relationships in our lives and we have to guard our hearts to make sure that doesn’t happen. Our time here is but a vapor as Scripture says and we need to spend each and every moment as if we wouldn’t have another.

I realize I have probably written similar thoughts here before, but God is constantly reminding me how blessed I really am by all the people He has put in my life; our friends from the “west” and our friends from right here at home. I don’t want to ever take for granted those blessings and I would like to encourage you to do the same.

Marriage is teamwork

In the last week or so, a very interesting topic has popped up on more than one occasion. My husband and I tried to start our spring walking routine this week. Once the weather changes here in New York, we try to walk several times a week for exercise. (Unfortunately, the weather cooperated for only a day or two, so we’re in limbo for a while). While we walk, we use that time for some great discussion. This particular time we discussed the term “our� in marriage. A few days following, I saw a video clip that showed a specific instance where a marriage was very one-sided. Having gotten the hint, I began thinking that a teaching was in the making and thought I’d post my initial thoughts here.

Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. Now, I know this is not a new idea to many of you and may very well be thinking “DUH!� But sadly, it is not always the case for many couples. Often, stereotypes are developed based on what we learned as kids and what we see around us. The woman is responsible for taking care of the kids and the house, and the man is responsible for bringing home the bacon. NOT!

With a large percentage of women working outside the home today, many of the day to day chores have to be shared. Housework may seem like a trivial example, but it’s the sharing–the teamwork–that makes the point. When something needs to be done, it should just get done. It shouldn’t matter who does it. Couples need to work together to accomplish whatever the goal is. Then, there are the more important matters like raising the kids, making financial decisions and setting career goals. Again, all things that need to be discussed, planned and agreed upon TOGETHER.

The Book of Genesis says that Eve was created as a helper and companion for Adam. When I looked up those two words in several online dictionaries, I found pretty much the same definition and it was quite interesting. The word companion means: a helpful partner; a mate or match for something; intended to complement each other. Do you find the highlighted words interesting? To me, that implies that a husband and wife were created to work together!

Genesis also says that “a man shall leave his mother and father and that the two will become one�. Again, I read that to mean that everything they do, they do in one accord as one flesh. I believe that it was God’s intention from the very beginning for Adam and Eve to be as one. I believe that we were meant to share all things. We should be making decisions TOGETHER and SHARING the responsibilities that come with a family and a home.

We all know there is no “I� in team. And that means going back to one of the biggest responsibilities in living a Christian life. Putting aside our own agendas and working together towards a common goal. Doing marriage as a team fulfills God’s intention and will bring prosperity and joy to your relationship.

Setting the boundaries

As a parent, it can often be difficult to figure out how to set boundaries for our children. Most of the time, we use the boundaries we had as kids as our gauge. For me, a lot of what I was taught as a child became quite valuable to me as an adult. I was raised with solid moral values and pretty firm boundaries and I’ve tried to teach those same things to my kids.

My children were also raised with a solid and strong faith in God. That has played the most important role in raising them. I truly believe that boundaries are more easily set when using the Word of God as our guide. I understand as times change, the way we set our boundaries does too. But when we stick to the basics as given to us by the Father, I believe we’ll see true fruit.

We need to teach our children the first commandment; which is to love God with all their heart. When they have that love for the Lord, everything else flows out of it. We need to teach them how to love others; the golden rule of always doing the right thing to other people. We need to teach them respect and obedience to God and to those in authority. We need to teach them to respect themselves, enough so they make the right decisions when faced with the temptations of the world. We need to teach them responsibility. They need to learn to WORK for what they want and not just expect it to be handed to them. We need to teach them to reach for the stars; to be the best they can possibly be; not just for themselves, but as unto the Lord to serve His purpose in their lives.

There was a study done many years ago with a group of young school children in a playground. Some were sent out to play where there were no fences, or with no boundary lines. Another group had a more structured play area that included fences. The study showed that the children that knew they had a boundary line were much better behaved than those that were allowed to play without one. Children need boundaries.

Humanity doesn’t always like rules, but we know how necessary they are. Just think what chaos there would be if NO ONE stopped for a red light. Having to set boundaries doesn’t always make for happy kids. But I’ve explained to my boys that the reasons for boundaries are always with their best interests at heart. My desire is to see them grow up healthy, happy and successful in whatever they are destined to be. As they are getting older, they are beginning to understand and have learned to appreciate the reasons for the boundaries. Think of the caterpillar; it must first enter into a rather restricting cocoon. But as it matures, it’s able to break free into that marvelous butterfly. The boundaries we set as parents are for a season and the goal is the same. To see them become the marvelous butterfly that God created them to be.

Live like there’s no tomorrow

This past Christmas, my son gave me a book to read when he came home for college break. He told me that the book had really moved him because it had certain elements that reminded him of the relationship he and I have. I just picked it up to read yesterday, and got through it very quickly.

The title of the book is “One More Day�, by Mitch Albom. Without giving the entire book away, it’s the story of a man who, because of many poor decisions in his life, considers himself a failure. He’s lost his wife and daughter due to these decisions and is in deep despair. He decides to try to take his life and while he lay in state of unconsciousness, he sees his mother, who had died eight years before. This “visit� brings back so many memories for him as well as sheds new light on some things.

The main character has vivid memories of his mom; food she cooked, things she wore, the way she smelled. He remembers so many times that she stood up for him and how hard she worked for her children. He recalls the many letters she wrote him during the most important times of his life. He remembers some of the times she embarrassed him (as only Moms can do). But all in all, this man remembers a mother that gave everything she had for her kids. She loved them unconditionally and did all she could to make their lives the best they could be.

The further I got into this book, the more I was able to see some of the comparisons my own son made and it really made me cry. You see, I have always tried to put all I had into my kids. I know that I have not always done it perfectly and have made plenty of mistakes, but I think I’ve given it my all. And I think my kids know that.

I, too, began writing letters to my son as he started high school. I’ve written him one for every major step in his life. And through the years, while cleaning his room, or helping him pack to leave for school, I’ve found these letters kept safely somewhere. They mean something to him. I know he loves and appreciates my cooking, (which is always a good feeling for a mom), and I know some of the fondest memories he has of his childhood have to do with things we have done together. He had a couple of tough years, but no matter what, I tried to understand him and see him through them. I never gave up on him. That, too, has meant everything to him. Today, we are very close and I am so thankful for that.

Several years ago, my own dad asked his kids to write something about him and our memories of him. He wanted to know what we think of him. I wrote from my heart recounting some memories and telling what I believe I’ve learned from my dad. He didn’t say much when he first read it, but later told me that he never realized just how much he influenced my life.

Now, I don’t write this with pride. I give all the credit to my heavenly Father for showing me the way to raise my kids. Being a parent isn’t easy. And I don’t believe I could ever have done it on my own. I, do, however, write to share a reminder that this little book gave me.

Parents, your children become what you pour into them. They see everything you do. We don’t realize how much we effect them until they’ve grown. Our influence is immeasurable. We have both a responsibility and the privilege of assisting in the greatest thing in the world; shaping a life.

Children, your parents give everything they have to bring you up. They may not do it all right all of the time, but their goal is to do the best they can to see you raised up strong, healthy and a success in life. Don’t ever forget their sacrifice.

I think the reason this book is titled “One More Day�, is because the main character always wanted one more day to see his mom. To be able to say things he didn’t say and to try to right some wrongs. The reason for my title to this entry, is because I would rather live like there’s no tomorrow and say the things I need to say to those I love NOW. I don’t want to feel I need “one more day�.

If you love someone, give everything you have to them. Love them, cherish them, value and honor them. Whether it’s a parent, a child, a friend. Live it all out today!

How big is your bed?

Don’t jump to conclusions! This post is not about what you think it is.
A local paper here in New York had an interesting article today. It was regarding whether or not parents should allow children to sleep in their bed. At one point in the article one parent is quoted as saying that they allow it because no one has enough fight in them at 3 am to argue the point and allowing it seems to promise the most amount of sleep to the most people in the house. Now, again, my boys are teenagers, so the point is moot for me personally. But it got me wondering what other parents might think on this subject. Let me give you my opinion and then I’d love to hear yours.

When my boys were little, we allowed them in our bed for two reasons. One was if they were really sick and running a fever. My oldest son suffered from chronic ear infections and croup as a young boy and always ran very high fevers. My youngest suffered from strep throat and also ran very high fevers. When they were this sick, I needed to keep them close to keep an eye on them. The only other reason we allowed them in, was after a nightmare of some kind when we felt they needed the comfort and reassurance of their Mom and Dad. Other than that, we just never permitted it. Now, when they were small, we always left our bedroom door open so they could come in if something was wrong. We never made them feel like they were unwelcome or unable to come to us if they needed to. But sleeping in the bed was just unnecessary. There were plenty of nights we went to them in their room to comfort them and sometimes wait for them to fall asleep, but in their own beds.

As they got older, we tried to teach them to respect Mom and Dad’s privacy and if the door was (or is) closed, we expected them to knock and wait for a response before entering. My youngest is very good at honoring this request; he patiently waits for a “come in� before he enters. Our 19 year old still doesn’t seem to have gotten the message though, and will enter as he knocks. It is quite annoying.

The point is, that I feel it’s ok for Mom and Dad to have their own space that is private. I mean, the kids pretty much take over the rest of the house until they move out, so we should at least have one little corner to call our own. And I think our bed qualifies as that little corner.

Although I think there may be an occasional reason for a child to need the closeness of Mom and Dad in the middle of the night, I feel like allowing them to climb in bed every night just because they want their own way may create a long term problem.

What’s your opinion?

What is intimacy?

I’ve been contemplating for some time how to tackle this very delicate subject. It seems to be a topic most Christians shy away from and I never understood why. I’ve been a Christian for almost 20 years and have never heard a single teaching from a church on the subject. Although discussion does require some degree of decorum, we shouldn’t be so afraid of it. After all, God did create sex and He meant for a husband and wife to enjoy it. It wasn’t designed as a chore or something to be ashamed of. Just take a look at the Song of Solomon. Taken literally, this book is a wonderful picture of the desire a husband and wife can and should have for each other. Tommy Nelson, the pastor of Denton Bible Church in Texas, has an amazing teaching on this book (visit www.songofsolomon.com). It is available in both audio and video and I strongly recommend it. Basically, it is a teaching on God’s best for love, marriage, sex and romance. It’s one of the most descriptive teachings I’ve ever heard.

My own view on what makes for a truly exciting sex life is pretty simple. Great sex is a result of a great relationship. It’s not just about what happens in the physical, as important as that might seem. To me, it’s what leads up to that point that’s more important.

Men and women view sex a little differently, however, the basic foundation is the same. We both want to know we are desired, loved, respected and honored. We both need to know we are attractive to our spouse. We both want to know that we are the most important person on the planet to the one we love. The most exciting moments in the physical come from what we’ve poured into each other in other areas; spiritually, emotionally, mentally. My primary love language is quality time. When I’ve spent a great day with my husband talking, sharing, just really BEING together–knowing that there is no one else HE’D rather be with, it’s totally natural for me to want to be with him physically.

What happens once you get to the bedroom is between the two of you. But when you spend some time pouring into each other BEFORE you get there, the sexual experience will be unforgettable.

Is your spouse your best friend?

My husband and I consider ourselves to be best friends. That friendship was built over time. It wasn’t instant. We were actually fixed up by a blind date, and I fell for him immediately. So I went right into “in love” mode. A romantic relationship is initially overwhelmed with romantic feelings and the thought of friendship may not be the first on your mind.

I don’t think we realize how crucial friendship is to the marriage relationship. When all the bells and whistles of being “in love” start to die down, where is your relationship? Is your spouse the one person you choose to be with at any time? Do you enjoy each other, do things together (beyond sex)?

A friend is defined as a favored companion; one attached to another by affection or esteem. True friendship is a very deep thing. Best friends share their greatest fears and joys. They give before they take. They put aside their own agendas to search out the heart of the other. True friendship involves trust, vulnerability, honesty and encouragement, shared interests and activities. And it takes time to build and grow.

While this definition applies to a “friend” it so much more applies to your marriage and your spouse. Remember that Genesis 2:18 tells us that God created woman for man, to be a companion and a helper. The first human relationship was between one man and one woman. They were a lot of things to each other, but they had to be friends. In the Song of Solomon (5:16), the Shulamite woman speaks of her husband this way, “….This is my beloved, this is my friend.” Being friends builds the closeness necessary to be one flesh.

How do you build a friendship with your spouse? I believe you remember to daily lay down yourself and put your spouse first. You should always be honest, open, forgiving and speak the truth in love, never in anger. You need to appreciate your differences and not make them a point of opposition. You need to make the important decisions in your lives together and deal with difficulties and trials as a couple. You need to share activities–find things you can do together and spend real quality time. And I think you need to develop a sense of humor. Laugh together and don’t let things come between you. What is it they say? …keep the little things little and the big things big. How true is that?

If you take time to talk to each other, share your innermost feelings and dreams, do things together, and just really BE with each other, I think you’ll build an amazing friendship!

 

Speaking your mind

I am a naturally confrontational person. That means that I usually confront issues and people sooner rather than later. I don’t let things go until they have taken on a life of their own or get blown out of proportion. One of the reasons I’m that way, is that I do not like being at odds with the people I care about, and I also have a need to see problems solved quickly.

Because I am this way, I have learned that I have to be very careful about the way I approach people and situations. I can be pretty straight forward, and I have never been accused of mincing words. Sometimes that approach can be hurtful even though it is not my intention.

Speaking your mind is a good thing. At least I think so. It’s always better to be honest about your feelings rather than hide them. But we should never think our right to speak our mind gives us the right to be hurtful to others. We have to be mindful of what we say and how it’s said.

I’ve read a lot of resources on communication. I’ve learned how essential communication is in any relationship. We cannot assume that the people in our lives know what we are thinking all the time. I’ve also learned several other things that help me with communicating correctly:

1. Our words are only a part of the way we communicate. We do need to choose them carefully and think before we speak. Blurting out whatever comes into our heads is often not a good thing.

2. Our body language is also a crucial part of communication. If we’re rolling our eyes, sighing or shrugging our shoulders while someone is trying to speak to us, we’re sending a very negative message.

3. Our tone of voice is also important. This has always been a weak spot for me and I never even realized it. Speaking with sarcasm or a condescending tone is hurtful.

I have found out how important it is to speak openly and honestly. But I have also discovered that we have a responsibility to the people we love to communicate correctly. Never choose the heat of the moment to let it all out. It almost never comes out right during those moments and you can’t always take back your hurtful words. Sometimes we need to take five, take a deep breath and think through what we have to say and the best way to say it. Speaking your mind is a good thing, but it will go a lot farther when you speak in love and with care.

Finding your purpose

I have a good friend that is going through a really rough time. He retired not too long ago from a job he held for 20 years. He didn’t work for a while and was spending a lot of time home. He’s battled several bouts of depression trying to figure out his purpose in life.

I would think it may be natural for a man, who still considers himself the chief provider of the home, to have a hard time with suddenly sitting around. He went from rising everyday and going to a job with an indescribable amount of purpose to not doing much of anything. That can’t be easy. And having recently accepted Christ, he’s now trying to figure out what God would have for him to do with his life.

Now, sometimes finding our purpose seems difficult, but I believe it’s a lot easier than we think. Here are my thoughts:

1. Put first things first. Remember that you are God’s creation and want to do all things to glorify Him. In Pastor Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life” he says, “You were created for God’s pleasure, you were formed for God’s family, and you were created to become like Christ.”

2. Discover your spiritual gifts. Spiritual gifts are meant to encourage and mature us for more effective ministry. Some of these gifts are: evangelism, hospitality, giving, teaching, etc. There are too many to list here, but try to get your hands on a sound spiritual gifts profiles/survey to help you find yours.

3. Discover your talents. Maybe you can sing, play an instrument, cook, sew, do carpentry, etc. All of these talents can be used for His Kingdom.

4. Discover your passion. What do you love to do? What moves your heart? Some like to work with children, others with the elderly, some with those in need. I believe that God plants those passions in us to be His hand extended–for His use. If you love kids, maybe you could teach Sunday School or work with the youth group. If you love to cook, maybe you can help with meals for those that are sick, and so on.

Pastor Warren goes on to write that “you were shaped for serving God, and you were made for a mission.” We all have a purpose. Every single one of us. Each and every individual has a specific purpose for our time here on earth. God has gifted us with spiritual gifts and talents to be used for His glory, to serve Him and to serve others. When we find that purpose and walk in it, we are blessed!

 

The New Year Promise

As we enter another New Year, many of us have at least one promise or “resolution” we make for ourselves. Most of the time, we hardly get past January before we break it and then feel guilty over our lack of commitment to the promise. That’s just one reason that I’m not too big on resolutions.

Now that doesn’t mean I don’t start out each New Year trying to change something. This past year was a particularly busy one for me. I’m a do-er–always running, always busy, always doing something. I am rarely idle even at home; sitting still is just never an option. 90% of the time, my running has a specific and meaningful purpose. I don’t use my time foolishly. But I think in my busyness, there are a few things that have suffered. This year I would say my goal is to slow down a bit and re-focus.

If you’re always running, it can get hard to spend time with God. That, my friends, is most important time you will spend in your day. It is essential for your spiritual growth and well being. I feel I need to make more time to spend with Him. My drive to work is at least 20-30 minutes on a good day, so I’ve tried to designate that my prayer time, but there’s always room for improvement. Busyness can also take time away from the people you love. My husband and I do pretty well finding time. The kids are bigger now and one son is away at college so it’s not as hard as it used to be to be alone. And I always find time with my son that’s still at home. I must admit though, that this year in particular, it became near impossible for our group of friends to find a day where we could all gather together for dinner like the old days. I found that the busyness we all share kept us from being together and that was quite frustrating. It’s hard to change the fact that we all have things to do, but I’d love to find more time this year to be with the people that matter.

In many ways, I’ve also neglected myself. Having lost weight, then gaining some back, I’m back on the diet path. And I really need to find some time for myself. It’s not easy, but I know it will not only benefit me, but those around me.

I guess I could sum up my New Year’s goal by saying I want to be a better person. Both for me and for those I love. We are, after all, a work in progress. And although I really believe that we should be striving each and everyday to be the best person we can be, January 1^st seems to be a good time to make a new start of it.

I pray 2007 is a happy, healthy and prosperous year for all!

The Best Christmas Gift

Last night, we celebrated Christmas eve with my husband’s family, as we do every year. My husband’s family, being Italian, has always made a big celebration of Christmas eve. It’s a great night, with courses and courses of food and a lot of laughter. There is a designated time where we all play Santa and give out our gifts. It’s a big family, so it can be a little hectic as we all open our treasurers. This year is particularly special, because two of our nieces and one nephew are all engaged. The first to get married, Nicole, has her wedding this May. Nicole and her fiancée were a little late getting to dinner this year, so they were able to open their gifts with all eyes on them only. Nicole’s Aunt Janice (my husband’s sister) handed her a huge box and was ecstatic to see her open it. As Nicole looked at the tag, she saw the gift said it was from “Nana”. Nana is my husband’s mom who passed away almost 20 years ago. Sadly, my children never got to know her, but Nicole certainly did. She began to cry before opening the package, as did we all. In the package was a beautiful wooden box and in the box, was her nana’s silver, all newly polished and shining. My husband’s sister (who is the oldest sibling) was given the silver when their mother passed away. Even though her own daughter is also getting married, Nicole will be married first and Janice felt that their mom would want her to have it. Nicole was floored and all of us joined her shedding some tears with the memories we all share. It was one of the most beautiful Christmas moments I’ve ever seen.

It’s Christmas morning now and my family has already opened their gifts. It was also a beautiful morning. Although all of us received great gifts and are thankful for them, this year has been particularly special. You see, our family has seen some trials in the last two years, but God in His infinite wisdom and faithfulness has brought us through them. Although I’ve always know this, I realize this year, more than ever, that the greatest gifts we receive don’t come in boxes or bags or envelopes. The greatest gifts are in the relationships we have. With our spouses, our children, our parents, siblings and friends. We need to pour everything we have into these relationships because they are the true value in our lives. We need to treasure every moment we have.

Enjoy your Christmas this year with those you love. It will be the greatest gift you ever receive.

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