The risk of cohabitation before marriage

Scott Stanley is one of the most respected marriage and relationship experts in the world.  Check out what he has to say about cohabitation (from the Smart Marriages email list): Read more

The irresistible single

If you are single and want to be irresistible, then what does it take to get noticed?  What are the most important qualities of an irresistible person - a virtual love magnet?  Keep on reading and discover the qualities of an irresistible single Read more

God is a Matchmaker

Christian singles can often be the most neglected group within the Christian community.  They often tell us how isolated and frustrated they feel when it comes to community and relationships.  Read more

Artists Have More Sexual Partners

The National Geographic News reported, “Researchers at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne and the Open University asked participants about their artistic skills and their history of sexual encounters since the age of 18.” Read more

Why would you settle on just anyone?

Marriage is too serious to simply settle on someone so you won’t be lonely. This image from despair.com is a great reminder of what happens to any relationship that starts as apathy. Read more

The last image (or word) is sometimes the worst

The reason I am posting these images is two fold: 1. They are hilarious, and frightening! 2. They remind me, believe it or not, of a marriage principle. Read more

Our inheritance: (another glimpse at Eve)

The very demons we face can literally be traced back to the original fall of humanity. Eve bought into the lie that she was lacking something. Read more

Cohabitation just doesn’t work

In a recent interview, Michael McManus shares why cohabitation hurts a future marriage:

Taking the life of cohabitation for a test drive before committing to a marriage has become enormously popular. And yet, with the failure of so many cohabiting relationships, and the swollen divorce rates of couples who cohabit before marriage, such a widespread cultural practice deserves critical examination. Michael McManus, coauthor of Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers, and President of Marriage Savers, a nonprofit organization, discuss the deleterious effects of cohabitation in an interview with National Review Online editor Kathryn Lopez.

 

Kathryn Jean Lopez: What’s so bad about living together?

 

Michael McManus: Couples who live together are gambling and losing in 85 percent of the cases. Many believe the myth that they are in a “trial marriage.” Actually it is more like a “trial divorce,” in which more than eight out of ten couples will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. First, about 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Those who undergo “premarital divorce” often discover it is as painful as the real thing. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry. These two trends are the major reason the marriage rate has plunged 50 percent since 1970. Couples who cohabit are likely to find that it is a paultry substitute for the real thing, marriage.

Read the full article here.

Red Letters: Counter culture Christ - what Jesus said about love (week 3)

This week you will learn what Jesus said about love, and other than his claim to be God, this is probably his most radical statement!

My boyfriend has had sex, but I am still a virgin - what should I do?

Q: My boyfriend has had sex, but I am still a virgin. I’m really interested in him, but I’d like to marry a man who’s a virgin, too. What should I do? Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer

How can I stop myself from having random sex with men?

Q: I have a habit of going out and drinking too much. When I do this, I take random guys home and have sex with them. How do I stop this behavior? Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer

Finally a couple willing to break free during their vows!

You’ve got to listen to these precious vows. I love a couple willing to go outside of the traditional box and create something meaningful for themselves.

Is oral sex really sex?

Q: Some people claim that oral sex isn’t really sex. What do you think?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer. More from Michael and Amy Smalley

How can I achieve intimacy with someone I’m dating without having sex?

Q: How can I achieve intimacy with someone I’m dating without having sex? Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer More from Michael and Amy Smalley

How do we solve the issue about the amount of kids we want?

Q: My fiance and I are arguing about having kids. She wants to start a family right away, but I want us to finish our educations and get stable jobs first. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I’ve got cold feet about my wedding…what do I do?

Q: I’m engaged and am starting to get cold feet about the wedding. How can I know if it’s right for us to get married? Is it normal to have doubts?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Should we move in together before we get married?

Q: We’re engaged, but aren’t getting married for a year. We want to move in together but our family is discouraging us from doing so. Is it wrong to live together before we get married?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I’m totally depressed about breaking up…what do I do?

Q: I’m really depressed about my girlfriend and I breaking up. I want to get back together with her, but I know she’s not interested. I’ve even thought about ending my life. What can I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I want to break up with my boyfriend - what should I do?

Q: I want to break up with my boyfriend. He’s really sensitive. I’m afraid of how it’ll hurt him or what he might do. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend…what should I do?

Q: I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend. We broke up four months ago. I desperately want him back…but he doesn’t feel the same way. I’m completely lost. What do I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

How can we keep from having sex in a dating relationship?

Q: We just started dating. We don’t want to have sex, but I’m concerned that it might just happen. Do you have some advice for us?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

If I’m a virgin, should I only marriage a virgin?

Q: My boyfriend has had sex, but I am still a virgin. I’m really interested in him, but I’d like to marry a man who’s a virgin, too. What should I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

I’m a single parent - should I only date someone I want to marry?

Q: I’m divorced and have two kids. Should I only date if I think the person is someone I can marry?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Is Internet dating OK?

Q: I have problems meeting people to date. I’ve been thinking about trying Internet dating. Is this okay?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer
More from Michael and Amy Smalley

Difficulty asking women out on dates?

Q: I have a difficult time asking women out on dates. I’ve done it before but have been turned down. Now I get nervous. What can I do?Watch Michael and Amy Smalley’s Answer More from Michael and Amy Smalley

What makes a woman truly attracted to a man?

What is truly attractive to a woman?  Is it a man’s muscles?  Is it a man’s manly look?  You might be surprised about what Forbes discovered in a recent study by Durham and St. Andrews Universities:

When it comes to a woman’s choice of a life-partner, a man’s face may mean a lot, a new study finds.

Many women regard men with masculine facial features — such as a square jaw, larger nose and smaller eyes — as unsuitable long-term partners, because they’re more likely to be domineering, unfaithful, unaffectionate and poor parents, U.K. researchers have found.

On the other hand, women believe that men with finer facial features — fuller lips, wide eyes and thinner, more curved eyebrows — to be more committed, less likely to cheat, and to make better parents, said the study by psychologists at Durham and St. Andrews Universities.

Thankfully for men like myself, a tad on the rounder and more feminine side, women like what I got ;-)  I wonder what the study would find for men?  Probably nothing like what it found for women.  Women clearly want someone who looks sensitive and soft and I think we all know what most men are looking for…and it’s not sensitive.

The strongest case against cohabitation I’ve ever read!

Duane Sheppard has written one of the best articles I’ve ever read on the case against cohabitation.  Here is the first part of the article, please make sure you read the entire thing:

Tis the season for weddings, but it’s a little difficult to get starry-eyed at the nuptials when more than half of all American couples have lived together before walking down the aisle.

During the past four decades, the number of cohabiting couples has increased by more than 1,200 percent. What was considered scandalous just a few decades ago is now regarded as the norm. It’s virginity that makes the news.

In their book, “Shacking Up: the Smart Girl’s Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned,” sisters Stacy and Wynne Whitman capture the flippant attitude held by many of the nation’s 5 million cohabitants: “By shacking up, you get to test out what marriage would be like. It’s sort of like sampling a flavor of frozen yogurt before ordering a dish.”

Should couples be encouraged to have a free, no-strings-attached trial period to see whether they’re compatible? On the surface, this philosophy might seem to have merit. But despite the widely held notion that this burgeoning practice improves the quality of a subsequent marriage, the evidence shows otherwise.

What studies say

Thirty years of research and scores of studies now confirm what most of us have always known in our hearts to be true: Living together before marriage can be hazardous to your physical, emotional, financial, spiritual and future marital health.

Consider these findings:

• Cohabitation does not lead to marriage in the majority of cases. The median duration of cohabitation is 1.3 years.
• The risk of divorce after living together is 50 to 100 percent higher than for couples who have not lived together. (Axxinn & Thornton, 1992)
• Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs. (Ciavola, 1997; Forste & Tanfer 1996)
• Cohabiting couples argue, shout and hit each other more than married couples. (Penn State University, Brown & Booth, 1997)
• Women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a husband. (U.S. Justice Department, Colson, 1995)
• Cohabiting women have rates of depression three times higher than married women.
• Those who live together are at a higher risk for contracting sexually transmitted diseases, which have tripled in the past six years. (Ciavola, 1997)
• Premarital sex creates emotional baggage that lays the groundwork for comparisons, suspicions and mistrust. (Laumann, et.al, 1994)

Read more…

Thanks Duane, for putting forth a great argument supported by fundamental research.

More than a Match: how to turn the dating game into lasting love

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How to Find - and Keep - the Love of Your Life

When you find the love of you life, you quickly discover that compatibility profiles and personality tests don’t tell the whole story. While finding your soulmate is a good start, you need much more to build a successful, vibrant relationship that leads to a lifetime of love.

In More Than a Match, marriage and relationship experts Michael and Amy Smalley draw on their years of counseling experience - as well as hard-earned lesson from their own relationship - to reveal the specific skills you need to transform your ideal match into a lasting love. With refreshing candor and practical insights, they examine the secrets of loving well, including…

* the truth about online match-making and what makes a couple truly compatible
* defining your “perfect ten”
* keeping your eyes open while dating
* the truth about sex and dating
* finding the “easy button” in your relationship

Give your love story a happy ending by working now to lay a firm foundation for the marriage of your dreams.

We’re on Life Today August 6th!

Amy and I are thrilled to be featured on James and Betty Robison’s program Life Today! If you’d like to download you can certainly do so here. We had a blast doing the show with Kathy Troccoli and I think you’ll enjoy the content. The show features our latest book, More than a Match. So make Life Today and our publisher happy by getting your own copy

If you want to watch it, then here’s the schedule:

Check out other stations and local times here (US residents).

Sixty-six percent of couples overspend on their wedding

Weddings are stressful enough, but apparently over 66% of Americans are spending more than they can afford on their wedding day as reported by the Associated Content:

Visa surveyed 1,000 cardholders who got married in the past ten years, and what they found was a lot of overspending. In fact, two-thirds of the respondents admitted that they overspent on the big wedding day. Men typically over-splurged on the honeymoon while women flashed around the credit card for the big day itself-spending big dollars on food, drinks and elaborate wedding cakes. Surprisingly, they spent less on their wedding dresses than on entertaining their wedding guests, but 11 percent of brides said they spent too much on the wedding dress. When asked where they felt the money was best spent, brides answered on decorations and wedding photos, and only 1 percent reported that they overspent on those items. (the whole story)

Now Visa is in the game of helping couples learn how to spend an appropriate amount of money on their wedding day, but something tells me their reasons are far from altruistic.

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