Bruises and Baby Squirrels

This last weekend I was not feeling very well. I had managed to snag the newest flu bug, but couldn’t bear to sit inside while the few remaining bits of seasonal warmth faded under the approaching blanket of fall. I pulled a chair out on the deck, closed my eyes, and tilted my head towards the sun. Just then, a sharp noise pierced the air. I couldn’t see where the cry was coming from so I decided to get up and poke around. It didn’t take long to discover that a baby squirrel had fallen from a tree and lodged himself in between the two panels of my fence. Carefully, I pulled him out and laid him in an old shoe box.
On Monday morning I called the vet down the street and was promptly told to call the “squirrel lady”. Amazed that there was actually someone labeled “the squirrel lady” I chuckled to myself and dialed her number. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect but, a bubbly, courteous and extremely professional woman answered the phone. She gathered some details about my little friend and asked if he had any brothers or sisters. “I don’t think so” I said, and explained that he had simply fallen from the tree.
“Sounds like an orphaned nest.” She said “There are probably a few more little guys up there. They are getting hungry and starting to wander from the nest. You should try to get a ladder up there to get the rest of them before they fall.”
I headed back outside to listen, and it wasn’t long before another cry echoed from high in the tree. I knocked on my neighbor’s door to ask about a ladder, but no one was home. Worried and bewildered, I went back to the tree and peered up. The cry grew more and more intense and time was passing quickly. I knew that if I did not do something fast, it would probably mean tragedy for the little guy. So, I decided to climb the tree myself! I changed clothes, pulled on some “alligator hunter” gloves and grabbed a bag to collect whoever I found.
Carefully I climbed up a chair, hoisted myself onto the fence, and precariously wedged myself into an arm of the tree. I slowly made my way up, hoping beyond hope that I would somehow be able to make it back down again! It soon became clear that I was not going to be able to reach the nest safely by myself. I stopped to plot the next course of action, when suddenly my eye caught a glimpse of a small, fuzzy, creature clinging helplessly to a limb just a few feet from me. He began to cry in panicked outbursts, no doubt, giving away any remaining energy. Gently, I pried him from the branch and began my decent.
Once I got down and set him inside the box with his brother I assessed the damage. My arms and legs were covered in scratches and bruises, and leaves and small sticks had lodged themselves in my hair. Then it dawned on me, I had risked life and limb, not to mention an extremely high deductible on my health insurance for the sake of a squirrel!
So, what made me do it? What made me cast aside work and safety to call, search, and climb? Really, I think anyone with a heart would have done the same, but this really got me thinking.
Why don’t we extend the same urgency and self sacrifice for the hurting, starving souls around us? Literally, there are orphaned, helpless and hungry people all over. They need hope and peace that only God he can offer. They hang dangerously over the edge of uncertainty and death, and try desperately to find a comfort that will last. They have wandered far from the source of safety and are in need of someone to place personal wellbeing, agenda, and safety aside to rescue them.
How risky are you? Would you have climbed the tree or would you have ignored the plea? How much more important is the life of a human being?
I urge you to listen intently to your surroundings. Is there someone who needs your attention? Is there someone who has wondered from safety and is trying desperately to keep from falling? Time is running out and souls are in danger. Today, do something risky for the sake of eternity!

September 11th

As a New Yorker, I did not feel it appropriate that today go by without mention. It is stunning to me that seven years have gone by since that horrible day when our city and our nation were attacked. In New York, the anniversary of 9/11 is memorialized in several different places throughout the city and in several different ways. There are moments of silence for when each of the planes hit the towers, followed by moments of silence for when each tower collapsed. At the World Trade Center site, the names of each and every person lost is read and flowers are placed in the area. For those of us that live here, it is a very emotional day.

As I drove to work today, I listened to a popular local radio show. They were remembering that day too, by taking phone calls and playing songs. At some point a few of the phone callers commented that they thought too big a deal was made of this anniversary and that it was time “to move on”. The radio personalities struggled with this mentality greatly, not understanding how anyone could feel that way. I agree with them.

September 11th is a moment in our history that our country will never forget. We all know exactly where we were and what we were doing that day. I was on my way to work when the first plane hit and at that moment, we all thought it was an accident. I got to my office and turned on the television only to see the second plane hit a short time later. By then we knew. Stunned silence followed for quite a while as we watched mesmerized at what was happening. My co-worker had a son in those buildings who called to say he was told to stay put; then called again to say they were evacuating. Thankfully, he got out. It all seemed surreal as we made phone calls checking on people. The first thought for most of us was our family. We wanted them close. My youngest son was nine at the time and my dad was able to get him out of school and bring him to me. My normally active, joyful young man sat in a corner for hours unable to comprehend what had happened and why anyone would do this to us. My oldest had just begun his first year of high school and I had to go to the school to get him. While the school was organized in dismissing students, it was still total chaos as people scrambled to assemble their family.

We opened our church doors to anyone that felt they needed comfort and held a service that night so we could comfort each other. Our congregation had a police officer who was at the site that came into church that night with the dust still on his clothes and in his eyes. A construction worker had watched in horror from a building close by as people jumped from the towers rather than be burned. He came to service in shock.

Many New Yorkers lost someone they loved and many of us know someone who did. This loss of life changed all of our lives forever. There is no way we can ever forget what happened and no way we should ever ignore this day. To think we should just “move on” is a travesty to the memories of all those innocent people that died and those that loved them. Just watch CNN while they read the names of the almost 3,000 people that died that day.

September 11th, every year, needs to be a day of remembrance and of prayer. We need to pray for those families have to deal, not only with the loss, but the way it happened. And we need to pray for our country! No matter where you live in these United States, please remember this day in your hearts each and every year!

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On My Heart

Marriage seems to be so much of a struggle for so many people. Somehow we forget the feelings we had when we first got married and allow our lives to melt into routine and responsibility and somehow drift apart. Difficulties arise and when the relationship is strained, those difficulties become impossibilities. We grow tired of having to work things out and accept things the way they are. In doing that, we grow further apart and the problems grow deeper. We are now frustrated, angry and miserable. One of the most difficult concepts in our culture today is the very thing that promises us a great marriage; or success in any relationship. Remember as Christians, the very foundation of who we are lies in Christ and what He did for us. He gave everything He had…Himself. He gave His life so we might live and have a more abundant life. That same sacrifice is what is expected of us in our marriage. Marriage isn’t just about compromise. Compromise is important, but in a way, it speaks of giving in “to some degree”. It speaks of both parties giving up “something”. Sacrifice means you give up EVERYTHING. It means you forget about yourself, what you want and what you need to care more about the wants and needs of your spouse. That’s a very hard thing to do today because we live in a “ME” society. But we have to remember it’s not all about “ME”. It can’t be. If we remain selfish and self-centered, instead being what Christ called us to be–selfless and giving–no relationship in our lives will ever live up to its potential. Remember the principle of sowing and reaping. It applies to every aspect of our lives. Whatever you sow into your spouse and your marriage is what you will reap. So, if you sow all you have, that’s what you will reap.

As we celebrate Valentines Day this year, I really think we need to concentrate on loving our spouses the way Jesus loves us. Completely, unconditionally and willing to give everything to see our marriages be what they can be.

Love and Honor

Over the last several years, I have learned the importance of honoring those you love. The definition of honor is to “show high respect”. When I think of what it means to honor someone, I think about taking the time to let them know how important and special they are. I think about making sure they know what it means to me to have them in my life.

One of my favorite ways to honor someone is to celebrate their birthday. Yep, celebrate a birthday. I’m one of those overgrown babies whose birthday is extremely important to me. Ask anyone who knows me well and they will adamantly confirm that fact. And I think everyone’s birthday is important.

In my circle of friends, several of our birthdays follow each other beginning in September and running through January. When a birthday is upcoming, we either plan some great surprise for that person, or we give her the opportunity to choose what she’d like to do. My birthday is close to Christmas so it makes it hard to plan sometimes, but this past year, I asked to just be together with my friends over a nice dinner. And I challenged them to prepare my favorites. They did really well! We had a great time eating and talking and just being together.

The point of these birthday celebrations is to honor those we love on their day by making them feel special. Yes, we should find ways to honor them EVERY day, but it’s great to set aside some special time and just be a blessing to them. I think the greatest honor there is, is to know that we’re loved and important and to be able to show the same to others in our lives.

Anticipation into Action

As we approach yet another New Year, many of us are hoping for a fresh start and new things. Perhaps this is really the year for some of the changes you’ve been wanting to make. It may be finally losing weight or getting out of debt. Maybe it’s pursuing a new job or going back to school. Whatever it is, January 1st usually marks the day we begin again. And we’re looking forward to that new day with great anticipation.

I know for me, I always look to the New Year to do things better than the last. I make a lot of “decisions” to change my life in some way. But I realized today, that we can’t just focus on the anticipation of the things to come, but rather, we need to strive for the actuality of making the change. Does that make sense? I think sometimes we get excited for the things we want to do, but lose some of that excitement when it comes time to actually do them. Why can’t we hold onto that anticipation and just put it into action? Why? For several reasons. Because it is usually hard work, because we get distracted, because we get too busy, because those decisions lose their priority.

So, how do we transform anticipation into action? Well, I believe it requires a deeper relationship with God than we have ever had. If we spend time with Him in prayer and in His Word, we will be able to focus on His will for our lives. If we are following that will and if we truly turn our lives over to Him, He will guide us and help us take those decisions and make them a reality. I also believe it takes a greater discipline that we may have ever known. We need to stay focused on what we are trying to achieve and not lose hope when it gets a little difficult. I know this is often a large feat to accomplish, but I believe it can be done. Lastly, try to find a time in your life when you greatly anticipated something and then it became a reality. What a wonderful feeling!

I think anticipation is a great thing. But I think it’s even better when that which we most look forward to becomes true in our lives in the most beautiful way.

Have a joyous and prosperous 2008!

Thankful Thursday

Our local Christian radio station designates Thursdays as “thankful” Thursday each week. On this day, listeners can call in to share what they are thankful for. How convenient that the day set aside each year to give thanks for our blessings also falls on this day of the week.

It’s hard to believe we are into another holiday season. Last year at this time, I reminded everyone about the first Thanksgiving. This year, I’d like us to think about where we are right now and what we have.

For me, I am blessed beyond measure. And my blessing aren’t measured in what I own, where I live or what I wear. I am blessed with the things that are eternal! I have a great family, great friends, a great church and I serve an amazing God that takes care of my every need. Do I have problems? We all do. I have bills to pay, weight to lose, responsibilities to live up to.

I don’t know where you are right now. You may be struggling, there may be things that are truly difficult. But no matter what is happening, be assured that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you. Focus on the good things in your life and be thankful for every single blessing knowing every good and perfect gift comes from above.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then
Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Now you have two choices…laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

Pastor Appreciation

For those of you that may not know, October is National Pastor Appreciation month. This is the time of year that congregations get a chance to say “thank you” to the shepherds of their flock.

Most of those that attend church regularly have a good idea of what their Pastor does, but I will tell you that there is much that goes unseen. Scripture tells us that “to whom much is given, much is required..” and that statement cannot be more true than for those that lead the church.

Being called to the ministry is both a privilege and honor. Answering that call is a great responsibility. Our Pastors seek the Lord for the vision of the church. They spend time in prayer and study working towards seeing that vision fulfilled. They bring us the Word on Sundays and pray for us during the week. They answer our calls in the middle of the night, and show up on our doorsteps when we need them. They laugh with us during our most joyful days and speak words of comfort and kindness during times of sorrow.

They move tables, build sets, fix toilets, and do whatever is necessary to keep God’s house in order. They are the most humble of servants and the most willing to do whatever is needed to advance His Kingdom. Their sacrifice and commitment to the body of Christ cannot be measured in words.

I have the privilege of working beside my pastor, and I know what he does in the course of a week. His sheep may never see all that he does, but we all know that God does, and that is what truly counts.

Be sure you find a way to thank your shepherd this month. I promise you it will mean more than words can say to hear those he serves say, “well done”.

If you’re on an antidepressant you need to read this

There are many people in the US who need an antidepressant to help cope with the effects of depression (hence the word “anti”). Psychology Today recently posted this helpful article on what you can use to enhance the effects of antidepressants:

Help is here for treatment-resistant depression. Vitamin B folate or folic acid—found in citrus fruits, legumes, leafy green vegetables—is now part of the psychiatrist’s arsenal of antidepressants.

But always remember that you must utilize counseling in conjunction with antidepressants for the treatment to actually be helpful. The antidepressant is meant to get your mind clear enough so you can take full advantage of counseling and should not have to be a lifetime drug.

Vacations are NOT a luxury

I know, I know. You’re wondering why that title. Although vacations are very much a luxury for many of us, they are also a necessity. Why? Because most of us spend 24/7 running around taking care of the responsibilities of life. We have jobs, chores, ministry, etc. and it can all really wear a person down. In addition, it can also make life a little monotonous or perhaps mundane.

Vacations are a time to really relax and let go of the day to day routine that tires us. It’s a time to spend bonding with your family and friends. There is no comparison to the time spent building your most important relationships. Vacations usually allow for a more stress free environment which make it easier to enjoy each other, have great conversations and maybe even get to know something new about someone–and that can include your spouse or your child.

Vacations don’t have to be expensive. Our family has tried to do something special every year. There have been plenty of years where either the time off work was hard to come by or the finances impossible to figure out. But we’ve always tried to do SOMETHING. And our boys always appreciated whatever we did because the goal was to have fun together.

When planning your time away, keep several things in mind:

1. The goal should be to have a great time doing things that everyone will enjoy. Try to make compromises wherever possible because it’s likely that you won’t all like to do all the same things. Be adventurous and try new things.
2. Set a budget; don’t get yourself into debt, but don’t be afraid to spend a little bit.
3. Vacations don’t have to be elaborate. If your finances will not allow you to take a big trip, plan weekend trips, or take a week off and do things like the beach, the pool, parks etc. Just leave the responsibilities (and the job) at home.
4. Remember this is a time that’s meant to be fun and as stress free as possible. Leave your troubles at the door.
5. Above all, just relax and enjoy!

Have a safe, happy and enjoyable summer!

Memorial Day

Today we celebrate Memorial Day. This weekend usually marks the beginning of summer with bbq’s, block parties and so on. While all that is fine, it is most important to pause and remember all of those that have served our country. Many gave their lives to preserve the freedom you and I share. Many were wounded, and most, at some point, were separated from their families for long periods of time to do it. Without these brave men and women, the USA would not be what it is today.

Right now, we have many of these serving our country and the principle of democracy and freedom overseas. I, like many of you, would love to see them come home. It breaks my heart everyday when I hear more have died. But no matter how we feel about the war, we would be an ungrateful nation if we did not continue to support our troops and the sacrifice they make for us.

We have a friend that just returned from Iraq. We spent time with him on Saturday hearing some of what life was like over there. It takes a very unique person to do what he does. You cannot help but be overwhelmingly proud.

This week is Fleet Week in New York. We have all branches of the military in town. Yesterday, my husband and I went to lunch after our church service. As we ate, we noticed a young man in his crisp white Navy uniform come in to eat. As we left, they were leaving also and my husband took the time to shake this young man’s hand and thank him for what he is doing for us. He seemed extremely grateful to have that thank you.

I don’t want this to be another “preachy” Memorial day speech, but today of all days reminds us of what it takes to do what they do, and they deserve the support of every single American that are privileged to call this their country.

R.I.P. Morality?

What example are you setting?
Rom 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world…”

We cringe when we hear the devastating stories of young girls being sold for sex over seas. These children are traded for a pittance and forced to take on the identity of a street whore. They are robbed of relational beauty, and taught that their worth is comparative to that of a filthy barn animal. My heart breaks over this, and, I long to dry the tears of these precious daughters, thrown to the wolves of deeply seated human sin. But as I think about such stories, and reflect upon how blessed and fortunate I am to live in the country I do; something ignites a question in my mind. Is my society really that different? Are we so beyond third world tragedy? What about selling thong underwear in a little girl’s department store, TV commercials promoting promiscuity, make up sets to toddlers, breast implants, plastic surgery; and the list goes on. It seems that long gone are the days when a role model was someone who bared integrity instead of body parts. Really, we are teaching our little ones to desire things that downplay inner character and morale, and instead, planting the lie that popularity and worth come from money, labels, and physical perfection. Things that would have caused social revolt a few hundred years ago are now passed off as the freedom to exercise human rights. Disturbing and grotesque are considered healthy and open minded diversity, degenerating our cultural character and leaving barely a remnant of anything wholesome or edifying. In an effort to chase social acceptance, we are dying to be thin, selling ourselves for attention, compromising for the bottom dollar, and cashing in integrity for possession.

A friend of mine was telling me that her 6 year old daughter was caught sneaking makeup and miniskirts to school. She would wear one outfit when leaving the house, change at school, and then switch back again to go home! At 6 years old!!! Another lady I worked with found out that her 13 year old daughter was sexually active! This poor girl was found trying to commit suicide in order to escape the pressure and stress of it all. As much as these examples shock me, I know that they are unfortunately not the exception, but are quickly becoming a norm. While these kids are not necessarily being sold for money on the streets, they are, without their consent or knowledge, trading childhood innocence for cheap popularity and premature responsibility. They are falling unprotected into a culture of vulgarity, and hype; following footsteps of adults who endorse shallow sex for the sake of marketing and can’t discern commitment from emotions. When it comes down to it; just because we aren’t standing on some dark street corner, it doesn‘t mean we aren’t playing a different version of the same game.

I am not trying to depress, bash, or start a debate here. My discussion is one of posing a question… The truth is, modern morale is in dire need of a face lift. Reformation and transformation of a whole can start with a single, concentrated movement. Today, I urge you to take responsibility and ask: are you doing all that you can to protect morality? Silence is only another way to let the cycle continue. So, make sure your voice is loud enough to be heard an octave above the status quo.

A Mother’s Love

I’ve said it before. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It requires a self sacrifice that compares to nothing else. When they’re babies we do it all for them. We dress them, wash them, feed them. When they get a little older, we watch their every move to protect them from danger, like sticking a coin in the outlet or touching a hot stove. As teenagers, we give them guidelines on who they should spend time with and what things to avoid to keep them safe.

When our children are born, we have a list of hopes and dreams for them. We want them to grow up healthy, successful and happy. We do everything we can to start them on their way to their own lives. That’s what we want, right? To know we have prepared them to fly on their own?

Yes it most certainly is! But when the time comes, it isn’t so easy to let go. I say that having come to realization that my oldest son may very well not come home after Bible college. You see, he has given his heart to another–God! He has made the choice to serve and follow Him with his entire life. Having made that decision, he will go wherever God calls him to go. And as his Mom, I have to allow that to happen.

I’ve been reflecting on the Mom’s in the Bible that have faced much more difficult situations than I. Moses’ mom had to place him in a basket and release him to a river, where he was taken and raised by another woman. Hannah, after pleading with God for a child, promised to give him back. While her son was still quite young, she had to keep that promise. And of course, Mary. I cannot even imagine for a moment what every minute of her life was like knowing that she was raising the son of God. Having the responsibility of keeping Him safe so He could save the world. And I cannot fathom her grief when she had to let him go to the cross. Oh, what pain she had to suffer watching Him die.

You see, the biggest and greatest thing we can give to our children, is to let them become what God has destined them to be. We must realize that as they reach that goal that we set for them, we are not the center of their lives anymore, but rather,that they now have their own. We have to realize that all we have sacrificed for them is not enough. The greatest sacrifice is allowing them to fulfill their God given potential. If there was ever a time for us to lay down our lives for another, being a Mom means letting our children go. That is the best demonstration of the love of Christ there is.

Take nothing for granted

God is all about relationship. He created us for relationship with Him and relationship with others. Scripture is filled with instruction on how to make all of our relationships the best they can be.

This past weekend my husband and I were able to spend time with some very good friends from out of state. They are very special to us and we really value their friendship. Because we live so far apart, we aren’t able to spend time with them as often as we’d like. So it’s always a HUGE deal when we know they’re coming to see us or we’re going to see them. Each time we see them is special. We spend a lot of days anticipating and preparing for their arrival. When we are able to get together we really appreciate every moment.

As the weekend ended, we were sad to see them go. After four days of constant laughter, the car was pretty quiet after we dropped them off at the airport. As I reflected on the weekend’s highlights, I realized a few things.

The appreciation we have for our relationships should be the same whether we see each other twice a year or twice a week; whether they live out of state or in your own neighborhood. Every moment we spend with those we love should be cherished whether it be a husband, child, family member or friend. It can get pretty easy to take for granted the relationships in our lives and we have to guard our hearts to make sure that doesn’t happen. Our time here is but a vapor as Scripture says and we need to spend each and every moment as if we wouldn’t have another.

I realize I have probably written similar thoughts here before, but God is constantly reminding me how blessed I really am by all the people He has put in my life; our friends from the “west” and our friends from right here at home. I don’t want to ever take for granted those blessings and I would like to encourage you to do the same.

A new feed URL for blog readers

For those who are receiving our content via a blog reader, we are launching a new feed URL today April 26, 2007:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/gosmalley

Thanks for your cooperation in changing your settings and we apologize for any inconvenience this causes.

Turning fire into life: A lesson from the Jackpine

I was camping many years ago as a small child, and took a nature class from a park ranger. We went on a beautiful and adventurous hike through the woods, examining all types of birds, rocks, rodents, and plants. A memorable highlight was learning about the Jackpine, a type of tree whose seeds can only be released by the intense heat and devastation of a forest fire! As the rest of the woodland wilts and burns around it, the mighty Jack pine actually blossoms! Though the outside is badly injured, and much of its former life is laid to rest, the act of succumbing to its death, actually gives opportunity for future life to continue. From the decay and trauma comes a birth of potential and vibrance. I can’t help but relate the tree’s resilience and fortitude to the inner workings of the human heart. In my nearly 26 years of existence, I have seen my fair share of fire; initially, mercilessly threatening to destroy every trace of hope, joy, and vitality. But just when it looks like the damage is beyond repair, when life can no longer continue on my own accord, and death is certain; my God in Heaven, creator of my heart and soul, orchestrator of the past, present, and future, not only restores, but actually creates fresh life in the process! As I watch my former life; a forest built upon routine, control, and towering branches of so called success, collapse so easily against the flames of heart ache, disappointment, and questioning, the Lord is able to release my heart to seed into beautiful stalks of wisdom, character, and strength. Although we as humans naturally try to avoid pain at all costs; it is the vehicle that often produces the most worthwhile development. So, I urge you, as fire threatens, and heat begins to singe, allow the flames of trial, unavoidable circumstance, indiscretion, and mistakes, form the soil for hope and renewal. Embrace the fatality of former things, burned through the blessed flames, and claim the victory of power and control given by the grace and favor of God. For, it is when death eludes the state of self, that the Lord can then create an entirely new life. So, let Him take the dross of sorrow and the mire of mistakes, and fertilize your soul to form deep roots, capable of maturing and restoring in ways far more capable of your divine purpose!

I urge you to view the mistakes and trials of the past as stepping stones for growth. Let the past stay there, but let your future brim with freshness and vibrance, as the fires around you become the very mechanism of life!

Live like there’s no tomorrow

This past Christmas, my son gave me a book to read when he came home for college break. He told me that the book had really moved him because it had certain elements that reminded him of the relationship he and I have. I just picked it up to read yesterday, and got through it very quickly.

The title of the book is “One More Day�, by Mitch Albom. Without giving the entire book away, it’s the story of a man who, because of many poor decisions in his life, considers himself a failure. He’s lost his wife and daughter due to these decisions and is in deep despair. He decides to try to take his life and while he lay in state of unconsciousness, he sees his mother, who had died eight years before. This “visit� brings back so many memories for him as well as sheds new light on some things.

The main character has vivid memories of his mom; food she cooked, things she wore, the way she smelled. He remembers so many times that she stood up for him and how hard she worked for her children. He recalls the many letters she wrote him during the most important times of his life. He remembers some of the times she embarrassed him (as only Moms can do). But all in all, this man remembers a mother that gave everything she had for her kids. She loved them unconditionally and did all she could to make their lives the best they could be.

The further I got into this book, the more I was able to see some of the comparisons my own son made and it really made me cry. You see, I have always tried to put all I had into my kids. I know that I have not always done it perfectly and have made plenty of mistakes, but I think I’ve given it my all. And I think my kids know that.

I, too, began writing letters to my son as he started high school. I’ve written him one for every major step in his life. And through the years, while cleaning his room, or helping him pack to leave for school, I’ve found these letters kept safely somewhere. They mean something to him. I know he loves and appreciates my cooking, (which is always a good feeling for a mom), and I know some of the fondest memories he has of his childhood have to do with things we have done together. He had a couple of tough years, but no matter what, I tried to understand him and see him through them. I never gave up on him. That, too, has meant everything to him. Today, we are very close and I am so thankful for that.

Several years ago, my own dad asked his kids to write something about him and our memories of him. He wanted to know what we think of him. I wrote from my heart recounting some memories and telling what I believe I’ve learned from my dad. He didn’t say much when he first read it, but later told me that he never realized just how much he influenced my life.

Now, I don’t write this with pride. I give all the credit to my heavenly Father for showing me the way to raise my kids. Being a parent isn’t easy. And I don’t believe I could ever have done it on my own. I, do, however, write to share a reminder that this little book gave me.

Parents, your children become what you pour into them. They see everything you do. We don’t realize how much we effect them until they’ve grown. Our influence is immeasurable. We have both a responsibility and the privilege of assisting in the greatest thing in the world; shaping a life.

Children, your parents give everything they have to bring you up. They may not do it all right all of the time, but their goal is to do the best they can to see you raised up strong, healthy and a success in life. Don’t ever forget their sacrifice.

I think the reason this book is titled “One More Day�, is because the main character always wanted one more day to see his mom. To be able to say things he didn’t say and to try to right some wrongs. The reason for my title to this entry, is because I would rather live like there’s no tomorrow and say the things I need to say to those I love NOW. I don’t want to feel I need “one more day�.

If you love someone, give everything you have to them. Love them, cherish them, value and honor them. Whether it’s a parent, a child, a friend. Live it all out today!

Finding your purpose

I have a good friend that is going through a really rough time. He retired not too long ago from a job he held for 20 years. He didn’t work for a while and was spending a lot of time home. He’s battled several bouts of depression trying to figure out his purpose in life.

I would think it may be natural for a man, who still considers himself the chief provider of the home, to have a hard time with suddenly sitting around. He went from rising everyday and going to a job with an indescribable amount of purpose to not doing much of anything. That can’t be easy. And having recently accepted Christ, he’s now trying to figure out what God would have for him to do with his life.

Now, sometimes finding our purpose seems difficult, but I believe it’s a lot easier than we think. Here are my thoughts:

1. Put first things first. Remember that you are God’s creation and want to do all things to glorify Him. In Pastor Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life” he says, “You were created for God’s pleasure, you were formed for God’s family, and you were created to become like Christ.”

2. Discover your spiritual gifts. Spiritual gifts are meant to encourage and mature us for more effective ministry. Some of these gifts are: evangelism, hospitality, giving, teaching, etc. There are too many to list here, but try to get your hands on a sound spiritual gifts profiles/survey to help you find yours.

3. Discover your talents. Maybe you can sing, play an instrument, cook, sew, do carpentry, etc. All of these talents can be used for His Kingdom.

4. Discover your passion. What do you love to do? What moves your heart? Some like to work with children, others with the elderly, some with those in need. I believe that God plants those passions in us to be His hand extended–for His use. If you love kids, maybe you could teach Sunday School or work with the youth group. If you love to cook, maybe you can help with meals for those that are sick, and so on.

Pastor Warren goes on to write that “you were shaped for serving God, and you were made for a mission.” We all have a purpose. Every single one of us. Each and every individual has a specific purpose for our time here on earth. God has gifted us with spiritual gifts and talents to be used for His glory, to serve Him and to serve others. When we find that purpose and walk in it, we are blessed!

 

The New Year Promise

As we enter another New Year, many of us have at least one promise or “resolution” we make for ourselves. Most of the time, we hardly get past January before we break it and then feel guilty over our lack of commitment to the promise. That’s just one reason that I’m not too big on resolutions.

Now that doesn’t mean I don’t start out each New Year trying to change something. This past year was a particularly busy one for me. I’m a do-er–always running, always busy, always doing something. I am rarely idle even at home; sitting still is just never an option. 90% of the time, my running has a specific and meaningful purpose. I don’t use my time foolishly. But I think in my busyness, there are a few things that have suffered. This year I would say my goal is to slow down a bit and re-focus.

If you’re always running, it can get hard to spend time with God. That, my friends, is most important time you will spend in your day. It is essential for your spiritual growth and well being. I feel I need to make more time to spend with Him. My drive to work is at least 20-30 minutes on a good day, so I’ve tried to designate that my prayer time, but there’s always room for improvement. Busyness can also take time away from the people you love. My husband and I do pretty well finding time. The kids are bigger now and one son is away at college so it’s not as hard as it used to be to be alone. And I always find time with my son that’s still at home. I must admit though, that this year in particular, it became near impossible for our group of friends to find a day where we could all gather together for dinner like the old days. I found that the busyness we all share kept us from being together and that was quite frustrating. It’s hard to change the fact that we all have things to do, but I’d love to find more time this year to be with the people that matter.

In many ways, I’ve also neglected myself. Having lost weight, then gaining some back, I’m back on the diet path. And I really need to find some time for myself. It’s not easy, but I know it will not only benefit me, but those around me.

I guess I could sum up my New Year’s goal by saying I want to be a better person. Both for me and for those I love. We are, after all, a work in progress. And although I really believe that we should be striving each and everyday to be the best person we can be, January 1^st seems to be a good time to make a new start of it.

I pray 2007 is a happy, healthy and prosperous year for all!

The Best Christmas Gift

Last night, we celebrated Christmas eve with my husband’s family, as we do every year. My husband’s family, being Italian, has always made a big celebration of Christmas eve. It’s a great night, with courses and courses of food and a lot of laughter. There is a designated time where we all play Santa and give out our gifts. It’s a big family, so it can be a little hectic as we all open our treasurers. This year is particularly special, because two of our nieces and one nephew are all engaged. The first to get married, Nicole, has her wedding this May. Nicole and her fiancée were a little late getting to dinner this year, so they were able to open their gifts with all eyes on them only. Nicole’s Aunt Janice (my husband’s sister) handed her a huge box and was ecstatic to see her open it. As Nicole looked at the tag, she saw the gift said it was from “Nana”. Nana is my husband’s mom who passed away almost 20 years ago. Sadly, my children never got to know her, but Nicole certainly did. She began to cry before opening the package, as did we all. In the package was a beautiful wooden box and in the box, was her nana’s silver, all newly polished and shining. My husband’s sister (who is the oldest sibling) was given the silver when their mother passed away. Even though her own daughter is also getting married, Nicole will be married first and Janice felt that their mom would want her to have it. Nicole was floored and all of us joined her shedding some tears with the memories we all share. It was one of the most beautiful Christmas moments I’ve ever seen.

It’s Christmas morning now and my family has already opened their gifts. It was also a beautiful morning. Although all of us received great gifts and are thankful for them, this year has been particularly special. You see, our family has seen some trials in the last two years, but God in His infinite wisdom and faithfulness has brought us through them. Although I’ve always know this, I realize this year, more than ever, that the greatest gifts we receive don’t come in boxes or bags or envelopes. The greatest gifts are in the relationships we have. With our spouses, our children, our parents, siblings and friends. We need to pour everything we have into these relationships because they are the true value in our lives. We need to treasure every moment we have.

Enjoy your Christmas this year with those you love. It will be the greatest gift you ever receive.

Boys to men–how fast they grow

My oldest son came home from college this past weekend to spend Christmas with the family. He hasn’t been gone that long (he was actually home for Thanksgiving), but I marvel at the changes in him. He’s gone from a young boy to a young man rather quickly it seems. Watching him grow is both wonderful and difficult at the same time. As a mom, you pour everything you have into your kids with the prayer that they grow strong in mind, body and spirit. Seeing the fruit of that labor is wonderful. Having to let go and allow them to BE their own person is difficult. Life is a challenge and can often throw us curves. It’s painful to watch your kids go through the tough stuff life dishes out. But it gets a little easier when you see them learning life’s lessons and succeed.

I must admit, I hit a few bumps in the road myself in learning what it means to parent. There are some things I wish I did differently and some things that worked out pretty well. My husband and I have tried very hard to raise our boys with a love for God and for family. We’ve shown them how to respect and care for others, how to be responsible and how to be servants. We tried to give them the best foundation we could and had to let God do the rest. We have been blessed to see some amazing results.

I met a woman recently who has young children. She asked me how I learned to let go of my children. I had to think a minute before I answered. I told her that I did the best I could to raise my children according to God’s Word. I’ve taken great pains to build relationship with each child. I try to know them and talk to them and make it easy for them to talk to me. It’s a great thing to actually be close to your kids. From there I stand on Proverbs 22. I know I am not a perfect parent, and may not have done it all right all of the time, but God knows my heart and I believe He knows I did the best I could in raising them with Him. From there, I trust that word that says, “…when they grow old, they will not depart from it.”

Last night we went to see the Christmas show at Radio City. It was the first time we ever went. (I know…shame on us New Yorkers.) At the end of the evening, both of my kids thanked us for a great evening. And it really was a great time. They not only loved the show, but they enjoyed being with their parents. Not a lot of teenagers even like their parents these days. What a wonderful feeling as a parent to know your kids actually like you and want to spend time with you. That was probably the best Christmas gift I could get, because it makes me feel like we did something right.

Cutting the strings is hard. I mean REALLY hard. But I will tell you this… I can do it because I see the men my boys are becoming. They truly love God and their family. Knowing where their hearts lie makes it a little easier to let them find their wings and fly.

When does all this relationship advice not matter?

I’ve been in a great debate with one of my readers, Michael Pollock, who has given everyone a fine example of how to have a disagreement and discussion without getting irresponsible, defensive, or ugly (thanks Michael). I hope I returned the kindness.

We’ve been jostling back and forth since I wrote the post on, A powerful lesson about love, and most recently Michael (not me, I try not to refer to myself in the third person) made his point finally clear to me, sometimes it takes a little more effort than it should

When I give advice on a relational level (i.e. learn how to communicate, share feelings, turn the other cheek, etc.) I am assuming that the other party does not have a personality disorder like narcissism, anti-social, borderline, histrionic, or other type of issue.  Granted, I would love a world where everyone wanted peace, love, and happiness, but that is not reality.

If you are in a marriage where your spouse is a narcissist, and you keep turning the other cheek, you will end up in a very abusive and sick relationship. At this point, all the relationship advice I like to give does not matter any more, your safety and the safety of your children does.

Read Michael’s example he gave to get a better understanding of what I’m talking about.  You can’t deal with people in a passive way if they are going to keep taking advantage of you, but that doesn’t mean you treat them in a horrible manner, but it does mean you take a stand for yourself.

Avoidance never solves anything, yelling and screaming doesn’t solve anything either, but standing up for yourself and sharing your needs and taking a stand will certainly make a difference.

Your favorite Christmas movie

How can you tell if you’re too stressed out?

I want to be completely honest with my online community, as I’m writing this sentence, I realized that I’ve always been completely honest with all my communities, so I’m not sure why I needed to write the first part of this sentence.

Launching a new counseling center can be daunting. Being the director of the new counseling center can be even more daunting, especially when you know that the particular skill sets needed for being a director do not necessarily fit your natural set of skills.

I’m completely comfortable in the role of founder for the Smalley Marriage and Family Center, as for the role of Director, now that’s a different story. My center needs me to be the director, so I’m the director, and I fasted and prayed to help get to that decision. I firmly believe that God has placed me in this role and I’m learning and growing in ways I would never have if I hadn’t stepped in as director. The best part, is that God gets all the credit for anything that goes right for the center, because it clearly has nothing to do with me being the director

How can you tell if you’re stressed out? That is the title of this post, well…take a look at the following picture, it’s the product I used this morning on my hair because I thought it was hairspray. I actually read the stinking label!

Making the most of the Christmas season-Part Three

Value your family traditions

The dictionary definition of tradition is: 1) the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation. 2) a long-established custom or belief passed on in this way.

Every family has traditions. Sometimes they may seem a little corny, other times they are quite meaningful. As a kid growing up, there was one very special tradition for us at this time of year. Every Christmas Eve, my dad would gather us around and read “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. I have very vivid and fond memories of those readings and we have pictures in our family albums.

In my husband’s family, Christmas Eve was always a huge celebration. His mom was Italian and his dad is Polish, so there was a wonderful mix of traditions wrapped up in that evening. A huge feast of all fish began the evening, and it ended with the giving of gifts. One special moment was the sharing of the oplatek. The oplatek is the core of Christmas Eve celebration throughout Poland. The oplatek is a bread wafer like those used during holy communion in many different Christian religions. It is rectangular in shape. Pieces of the oplatek are distributed to each member of the family. Your piece is taken around the room to each individual member of the family, where you break a piece and exchange it while wishing each other a Merry Christmas. It is a great moment of sharing. We still hold these traditions every year.

As we grow older and get married, we not only continue the traditions of old, but we develop our own. In our family of four, we’ve developed a few. Our boys set up a second Christmas tree upstairs. While the majority of their gifts are left under the downstairs tree, one gift has always been left under the smaller tree. It was originally meant to keep them busy until my husband and I could get out of bed, but it’s developed into something else. They really look forward to those gifts. As mentioned in a previous post, we also developed the tradition of lighting a candle Christmas morning and singing happy birthday to Jesus before opening any gifts. We started this so we would keep the reason we were celebrating in the center of our focus. As the kids have gotten older, we focus more on prayer Christmas morning, thanking Him for His many blessings. My brother has young children and they have adopted this tradition now.

Every tradition holds its importance to every family. It’s wonderful to hear the stories of the grandparents and family members that are no longer with us and how valuable they were to the family. In my opinion, the point of traditions is not necessarily what you’re doing (although it may have great meaning), but why you’re doing it. To me, the idea is to share time and memories with your family. The idea is to celebrate your family and to preserve family history. This year, enjoy whatever tradition your family celebrates. And maybe start a new one.

Holiday lights decorating without a ladder?

If you’re a loser tech geek like me, then you’re going to love this:

Software development company Holidaysoft® announces the release of Holiday Lights Designer 3.01, a software solution for holiday decoration and holiday lights designing. Holiday Lights Designer allows users to preview different concepts on their computer by placing virtual holiday light designs and decorations on digital images of their home or business. Techliving.com stated, “It’s best to start with a plan, and for that we turn to Holiday Lights Designer.”

Now you can virturally decorate your home before you decorate your home.  If I’m saying this correctly, I think that’s double the work, and I’m already complaining about the amount of work I’m already suppose to be doing… then maybe this software program isn’t what I’m wanting after all

Making the most of the Christmas season

Part Two-Are you too busy?

 It starts around Thanksgiving. The hustle and bustle of the holidays. A few lines in the song “Silver Bells” come to mind… “city sidewalks, busy sidewalks” and “as the shoppers rush home with their treasures”… Our society is already pretty fast paced and most of us are pretty busy all the time (I know I am), adding the holidays can get a little hectic.

In my home, we decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving weekend. Once that’s done, we set up the calendar of events. There are luncheons, dinners, parties, Christmas plays, holiday fairs and so on. Then we figure out when to actually do the shopping and WHAT to buy.

This being a favorite time of year for me, I love all the celebration and activity. But we need to be careful that we don’t get so caught up in just trying to fit it all in, that we leave little time for what’s really important. As I said in my previous post, this is a season of hope and giving. We know our hope is in the Savior whose birthday we celebrate. And there is so much more to give than presents. We give of ourselves when we make it a point to be with family and friends. If you live far away from those you love, spending time with them is the best gift you’ll both receive all year. We give of our time too when we prepare that special meal and put thought into that special gift.

We all want this Christmas season to be wonderful. We want to buy the right gifts, have great meals and attend all the events. But we need to take the time to remember why we celebrate. Don’t get so busy in planning things, that you don’t get to truly enjoy them. Take some time to admire your tree, listen to your favorite carols, have some cocoa with friends and enjoy your family. Meditate on the many blessing in your life and to try to be a blessing to others. That’s really what Christmas is all about.

Making the most of the Christmas season

It’s here again…Christmas. One of my most favorite times of the year. It’s a great time, but it doesn’t come without challenges. I thought I’d tackle some of them in the next few posts!

Part One-Keeping Christ in Christmas

The American Family Association (www.afa.net) is asking Christians to take a stand against those who want to take Christ out of Christmas and turn “Merry Christmas” into “Happy Holidays”. They’ve made buttons and car magnets that say “Merry Christmas-it’s worth saying.” It seems that every year there are those that try to find new ways to nullify the real reason we celebrate December 25^th. Some stores are forbidding their employees to say “Merry Christmas”, and it’s getting harder and harder to find anything that talks about the birth of Christ. I realize that there are many different faiths that celebrate at this time of year, so saying “Happy Holidays” is not a bad thing. But if we’re saying it to push aside or hide Jesus’ birth, we’re in trouble.

This season is one of hope and giving; something that can be easily forgotten the rest of the year. In a world where war, violence, sickness and hatred run rampant, many are lost, hurting and hopeless. This world is in desperate need of a Savior. Christmas is the time we celebrate God’s greatest gift to us, His Son. That gift is our salvation and gives us the hope so desperately needed. Look at the promises of Scripture: Isaiah 9:6– “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government will be upon His shoulders. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Luke 2:9 “And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them (the shepherds) and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David, A Savior who Is Christ the Lord.’” Our hope is in that little baby that grew up to die for us so we could have joy, peace, hope and eternity with Him.

The Christmas celebration has many elements. We decorate trees, hang wreaths and lights and exchange gifts. Each of those things has a very special meaning. The tree, because it is evergreen, can represent the everlasting love of God. The wreath can represent that same love because it is a circle and has no beginning or end. The lights and candles represent Jesus being the light of the world. And the gifts, (and yes, even Santa) represent the spirit of giving. God gave us the most treasured gift and we give to each other in love.

When our children were young, we started a wonderful family tradition. On Christmas morning, we gathered at our kitchen table and would light a candle. We sang “Happy Birthday” to Jesus and said a prayer before even one gift was opened. Our children knew that Jesus was the real reason to celebrate and we came to value that tradition more than words can say.

This Christmas, keep your focus on that little baby in the manger. And try to let the world know that “Jesus IS the reason for the season!”

Overeaters just can’t catch a break

So you eat yourself into a weight problem and 300 pounds later you’re under the knife undergoing gastric bypass surgery so you can lose the excess weight and get physically healthy again. It works, you lose the weight, but the problem is that the thing the surgeon fixed during the surgery wasn’t the problem.

It wasn’t a physical problem, it was an emotional problem, and the surgery did nothing to address the emotional reasons you were overeating:

New York Times Syndicate - November 27, 2006

Cox News Service WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — For an emerging number of weight-loss surgery patients, giving up comfort food means guzzling Southern Comfort.

Or hitting the mall instead of McDonald’s, even though creditors are calling.

Researchers call this behavioral shift “addiction transfer,” which means swapping one compulsive act, such as overeating, with another in an attempt to numb emotions or fill an inner void. And mental-health experts say that because bariatric procedures have become more common — and patients more candid — they’re seeing increased cases of alcoholism, obsessive shopping, gambling and promiscuity.

After the euphoria of rapid weight loss fades, a harsh reality appears: Life is still tough even if you can fit in an airplane seat.

“The problem is that many people who have surgery haven’t been in therapy to address the issues behind their eating disorder,” says Kathryn Friedman Sloan, a licensed mental-health counselor in Palm Beach Gardens. “Most of them are emotional eaters, and when you take that away, they’re left with ‘what do I do with my emotions?’?”

A growing number of these surgeries are taking place in America today. People are simply trading one addiction for another like shopping, smoking, drugs, or sex.  If you’re one of those people, and I almost was, Gerald May wrote an excellent book that you must read and you must read it starting today (whenever you happen to read this post)

• Addiction & Grace

I know that food can sometimes feel as powerful of an addiction as any other known drug (cocaine, meth, heroin, you name it).  Addictions of any kind are always a sign of longing, of a deeper hunger, an unquenchable something that needs to be fed.

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