How do you “guard” your heart?

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard well meaning friends and family advising singles to “guard your heart” when it comes to relationships. They are absolutely right in posing the warning, and it is indeed Biblical (Prov 4: 23 NIV) But, I have to ask: what exactly does it mean, and how does one really do that? I mean, it sounds grand, it sounds rewarding, it even sounds smart, but, am I the only one who nods in agreement only to battle a crashing wave of uncertainty behind my smile? On one hand I understand it’s necessity, make sure I don’t lead someone on or get hurt right? But, on the other hand, I have to wonder about the example Jesus set. He didn’t seem to hold back or seek to self protect. Instead, he endlessly poured himself out, more that others thought wise, smart, or realistic. Granted, they were platonic relationships, but he was extravagant with His life, moving freely with each beat of his heart to fill voids, meet needs, and heal those around him. So, in the realm of dating relationships, I have a hard time finding the balance. Now, I understand that righteousness needs to be the standard and that specific mental, physical, and spiritual boundaries need to be upheld; yet again, I want something practical, and tangible.

Obviously the topic has quite frankly frustrated me. I have watched many around me, including myself, struggle to attain the full effect of the warning while striving to open up enough to serve and love someone else. So, through much searching, confusion and utter annoyance, I have learned perhaps an important and simple edict that may possibly function as a beacon for wise, yet not rigid protection. The truth is, ultimate security can only come when placing this mighty responsibility into the hands of our Heavenly Father. If left solely to human devices, we will either completely discard the idea of guardianship by divulging too much of ourselves; or, on the contrary, we will attempt to construct impassable walls, thus fortressing our heart away from thinking or caring about others. In abiding by the former, we may very well be protected, harbored successfully from threat or damage, yet, the implications are sadly that we risk completely suffocating any remaining vitality! Neither response is by any means healthy; we either leave ourselves vulnerable and defenseless; or, get stuck trying to squeeze life from a cold, hard rock.

Life, joy, and growth come by pouring ourselves out; allowing the presence of God to filter through us, warming our souls in the process of giving love, hope, and peace. But as we embrace all that Christ modeled we also need to be intelligent. This means guarded but not closed off, giving but not careless. It means defending all that is important and clinging steadfastly to values and convictions given from above. It means not wavering or settling for anything less than that which has been burned into your moral being; and, most importantly, it means not giving up on the ideas and desires that will some day set you and your future spouse apart for a specifically designed piece of God’s plan. In my own past, small compromises became the stepping stones for heart break; not realizing that I had allowed the blinders of denial and forced satisfaction to shadow the underlying warning signs. It has been too often only recognized as the tears of regret and confusion subside that I can look back and see the very issue I became derailed upon. When God is my refuge, defender, and expectation, I need not fear the battle over my heart. Someone once told me that I needed to bury the complex and intricate details of my heart and soul so deeply into the fiber of God, that if anyone where to try to capture it, they must earnestly go to him to find it. Perhaps the practical point I am looking for is that I must first and foremost rely on God; trusting him to mandate and guide, and ultimately to guard and heal when harm threatens. I must seek him wholeheartedly for any decision, and every interaction. Then, I must exercise the responsibility of standing firm upon my beliefs. With that, I can be confidant that as I honor the calling and convictions of Christ, I will in turn be blessed for my obedience and discretion.

So, the next time you receive the warning to “guard your heart” remember whence true protection comes. Let the one who rightly holds the authority to govern your deepest treasures. Walk slowly and confidently with righteousness as your aim, and resolve to hold strongly to that which is important to you. Do not settle, and do not give up. Trust that you are in good hands, and walk wisely.

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