How to get your kid to accept your influence over dating

I just had the most amazing conversation with my 10-year old daughter while eating at Chile’s on our daddy date.  The conversation started when Reagan said, “I think there’s a boy at school that I’m starting to like.” Read more

Parenting Tips

Eric Erickson, the renowned developmental psychologist, proposed that every stage of life offers a challenge. The last stage — late adulthood — is about reconciling with our past. There are two possible results: The positive outcome is feeling content with the choices of the past, and the negative outcome is having major regrets about one’s life. The first group is where we hope to be later in life, but it takes time and effort.

The Modesto Bee | Parenting Tips.

Is There an Overparenting Epidemic?

A hefty review in last week’s New Yorker magazine takes on several books about “overparenting,” the toxic combination of treating kids with excessive permissiveness and outsize expectations (some of which I touched on in this post last week). Read more

Spot baby abusers early - when they’re toddlers

Readers of The Washington Post learnt about the case of Baby P under the headline “Britain in shock over abuse death of toddler”. And so we have been, shocked clean out of our wits. Or, as the admirable Martha Kearney put it, in a preface to a radio interview with the Tottenham MP David Lammy yesterday: “Feelings throughout the nation are running high, and people are shocked because there have been no resignations.”

Spot baby abusers early - when they’re toddlers | David Aaronovitch - Times Online

Parenting teens is hard, but not impossible

Parenting teens is hard, but not impossible | Freep.com | Detroit Free Press.

To spank or to do something else

My recommended blog sites

The 28 rules for resolving conflict with your children (and the scripture to help you further understand)

When you get into conflict with your children, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world, or even miserable, take a look at the following list of ground rules for fair fighting.  Read more

Get control of your kids by being uncontrolling

PsychCentral suggests, “Parents often have a difficult time letting go of their children. After all, parents spend a significant amount of time raising their children for 12 or 14 years and can’t just wake up one day and say, “Sure, you can do whatever you want. Have fun!” Most parents have invested a lot — emotionally, psychologically, financially — into their childrens’ lives. Just because that child hits teenage years doesn’t change how many parents feel toward their children and their expectations of control in their child’s life.” Read more here.

What should your rules for dating be?

As a father of three beautiful children, I am not stressed about the day my kids get interested in dating (they are currently 11, 10, 6 and they all still don’t like the opposite sex).  The reason I am not stressed is because I believe dating is a wonderful way for my kids to develop in to loving and healthy adults. Read more

When little girls fight

I was a hero tonight. Well, at least I was a hero in my own way. In fact, now that I think about it, no one else (other than myself) has actually referred to me as a hero tonight. So I might be the only one who actually views myself as a hero. But that is not important. What is important is the lesson I was able to teach 4 little girls tonight in my neighborhood.

The lesson was about validation. My daughter got her feelings hurt by one of the neighborhood girls. I happened to be outside when it occurred because we’ve been experiencing a power outage due to a major thunderstorm that rolled through a few hours ago. I only share that because I want to be honest, there’s no way I would have been outside tonight because the Spurs are playing the Lakers in game 4 of the Western conference finals.

God used the power outage to my advantage. As I overheard the girls arguing back and forth with each other, each one taking her own position, I waltzed out to the middle of the cul-de-sac and announced that I wanted to teach everyone a valuable lesson about validating. Of course, each girl (including my daughter) looked at me like I was straight out of a science fiction movie. But I seized the opportunity for a ‘teachable moment’ and plodded ahead.

I quickly shared how validation is:

the reciprocated communication of respect which communicates that the other’s opinions are acknowledged, respected, heard, and (regardless whether or not the listener actually agrees with the content), they are being treated with genuine respect as a legitimate expression of their feelings, rather than marginalized or dismissed. (thank you Wikipedia)

Wikipedia has honestly one of the best definitions I’ve ever read on validation. So I taught the girls what it looks like when you validate one another. I even pulled out an example, you could even call it a parable. It only took me about 1.5 minutes to share my thoughts, and I truly believe the world is a better place because of my actions tonight (hence the hero feelings mentioned earlier).

Making your child mad

I just really upset my daughter at Chic-fil-a and I’m feeling a little guilty. She came running out of the play place because her brothers were laughing at her (in a playful way) and she didn’t like it. So she came running out to me for moral support and I did the only thing a father can do in a moment like that… I laughed as well! She just gets so incredibly angry and does so incredibly quick.

I know many of you probably feel that I’m a terrible father for laughing, and maybe you’re correct, but then again maybe you’re not. I’ve been working on Reagan for a while now about taming her temper and sharing her feelings in a productive way (as opposed to screaming her head off). The boys did not do anything deserving of her response, I watched the entire incident unfold and am confident she could have handled herself better. When she came running to me, I tried to help calm her down by having a carefree attitude, like the kind of attitude I’m trying to get her to adopt. She didn’t like it very much.

She grunted at me, and then tore off for the door to the play place, but she forgot that the door opened by pulling on it. She smacked in to the closed door with all her force, and sadly, I laughed again! I tried to hide it from her, but it was too priceless an event and I couldn’t help my reaction, so I hid under the table and sobbed out loud trying to keep the laughter in check. It didn’t work, but the good news is, the bang on the head finally helped Reagan relax and I actually got to see her laugh at herself for one, which is a great thing to learn.