The risk of cohabitation before marriage
August 2, 2008 by Michael Smalley
Scott Stanley is one of the most respected marriage and relationship experts in the world. Check out what he has to say about cohabitation (from the Smart Marriages email list):
“Diane, Regarding the Cohabitation article:
In general, I can tell you that we are continuing to get the pattern of significantly increased risk for cohabiters who began cohabiting either prior to engagement or marriage. In other words, people appear to be at increased risk when they cohabit prior to BOTH partners being very clear about future plans to marry (whether that is because they waited all the way until marriage or were at least engaged). We are finding this pattern to hold up (more or less) in very recent samples, including for those who only cohabited with their eventual mate, and for first or second marriages, etc.
As you know, I and Galena Rhoades and Howard Markman (and colleagues) are conducting what may be the largest study ever specifically designed to answer complex questions about cohabitation. We have developed a sample now of 1200 people that we are following over time at this critical stage of relationship development. We are just beginning to have the data from this new sample in this ongoing study available for analysis, and we and colleagues will have many important findings and results to share in the future.
Scott Stanley
Print Article
My husband and I cohabited for about a year. I was a christian, divorced from my first husband, and had forgotten about everything involving my salvation, christianity and the bible. Mike was Catholic and unsaved. I was living for the world, involved with drugs, partying, and fornicating. One day while at Mike’s house, I happened to pick up my bible and began reading. I can’t tell you what I read, but the message I got was loud and clear, “get out as soon as you can”. I listened to the voice of God and not only did I move in to my own place, I started drawing closer to God than I had ever been before. I stopped fornicating, too. I lived with my sister for about 1 1/2 years before Mike proposed to me. We got married 10/23/97 and are still married today, have a 3 year old daughter whom we adore, and we counsel periodically to iron out wrinkles in our marriage. I know we’ve made mistakes in our past, but I believe God has forgiven us, and we are both willing to work for our marriage. I think the key for us is faith in God and regularly seeking him, including him in our marriage. Thanks for your time.